Like most men, one of my least favorite things to do is shop unless it's at the BassPro or someplace like that.
When I go to the store I go with list in hand and a plan of attack so I will spend the absolute least amount of time in there that I can.
This thing I hear about grocery stores being a great place to pick up women? Uh-uh. Not me. Not usually, anyways. But today...... Today I'm in the store to buy fruit to dry and I'm standing there looking at 4 (no shit, four) different kinds of pears, all the same price, when I realize that somebody is next to me. Being the polite motherfucker I am, I say "Sorry 'bout that, I didn't mean to be in your way." Then I turn to see this very attractive woman standing there who says, "Oh! You're not in my way. I'm having the same problem you seem to be having."
Bam! The fruit decisions go out the window but to keep the conversation going I keep talking about it and mention that I'm drying the fruit because it's a healthy snack blah blah blah, all the while thinking she's awful damned cute AND friendly and she ain't wearing a ring or a bra and she looks to be just a little younger than me and and and and then she says "Well, pears are a good choice because they're full of fiber and at your age......"
Fucking bitch, I hope you get run over in the parking lot.
My response would be-
ReplyDelete"And at my age I could stomp a mudhole in your ass and walk it dry! How about your phone number?"
I shoulda told her "I'm sorry, I was only hitting on you because I thought we were the same age."
ReplyDeleteYou just know... she was probably a lesbian anyway....
ReplyDeleteSee, Jim? That's what I was thinkin' too.
ReplyDeleteOooo, that's gotta sting. Whadda Witch.
ReplyDeleteI know. I'm still all butt hurt.
ReplyDelete