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Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Hey, I need to know. Quick.

I was fucked up and bored which is a bad combination where I'm concerned.
I remember having a question about my pension, so I called the Western Conference of Teamsters for a snappy answer.
The woman that answered the phone was cheery and polite and wanted to know how she could help me.
"Yeah, hey. This here's Kenny Lane, Local 439, SSN is xxx-xx-xxxx and I gotta question about my pension."
"Well, go ahead Mr. Lane. I'll try to help you as best as I can."
"First off, it ain't mister. I answer to Kenny or Chico the Slot. But I'm fixin' to retire in about 3-4 years and I was wondering if I can collect my pension in the penitentiary?"
"Beg your pardon, Sir?"
"Kenny or Chico the Slot. Not sir or mister. Can I collect my pension in the joint?" I was trying to be patient.
"I'm sorry, are you wondering if you can collect your pension while incarcerated? In custody? Is that correct, Mr. - I mean Kenny?"
"Yeah. State or Federal pen, I ain't sure yet but my luck's bound to run out sooner or later and I'm gonna need bucks for commissary shit."
L-o-n-g motherfucking silence.
"Kenny? I have to say this is the first time anybody has ever asked us that. I'll have to check. Can I call you back?"
"You bet" I said and gave her my number then hung up, giggling..
I'm still waiting on that call and it's been 5 days now. Wait until Friday and I call her back......
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9 comments:

  1. MrGarabaldiMarch 22, 2011 at 9:02 PM

    LOLROFLMAO...dammmmm that was pretty good

    ReplyDelete
  2. drjimMarch 22, 2011 at 9:13 PM

    Now THAT'S a good one to pull on people!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Tattoo JimMarch 22, 2011 at 9:21 PM

    I don't care what anybody say... that shit was funny!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Toaster 802March 22, 2011 at 9:23 PM

    Ah, I bet you were "that" kid back before they had caller ID and *67...

    ReplyDelete
  5. wirecutterMarch 22, 2011 at 9:23 PM

    Fuck, guys. I wasn't kidding.

    ReplyDelete
  6. dhanna59March 22, 2011 at 9:59 PM

    KEN,
    I could never top that. Ever.Never, Ever,Ever,Never...U rok my friend...!

    ReplyDelete
  7. TomMarch 22, 2011 at 10:57 PM

    Damn, Wirecutter -- you REALLY ought to be writing this stuff down and publish your "collected works" in a book! I know the hoity-toity liberals won't buy it, but f**k them -- the rest of us would have you on the best-sellers list and making a buttload of cash in no time!!!

    Keep up the good work!!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. skidmarkMarch 23, 2011 at 6:59 AM

    I'm not sure about Teamster pensions, but when I was employed by the DOC (just so there is no mistake about which side of the bars I was on) I knew of folks who were not allowed to go home at night who were drawing pensions.

    You need to double-check on how much per week you are allowed to spend. No sense having all that money sitting in a non-interest-bearing account.

    stay safe.

    ReplyDelete
  9. BushwackMarch 23, 2011 at 8:58 PM

    Boy you aint right.

    ReplyDelete

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