Today was Idiot Day at the Savemart. I know this because I was there while they were having the run-offs.
Idiot #1 was trying to tell a butcher that he wanted beef bacon. Beef bacon....... I wasn't going near that one. I didn't need an assault charge. Besides, he was in one of them electric scooters.
Idiot #2 was in the deli line and talking on his phone when I rounded the corner. The first thing I noticed was his apparel - Spiderman Tshirt, hat on backwards, cargo shorts to show off the tattoo (Oooh, he must be tough, he has a tattoo) on his leg and little bootie socks that babes wear. When I got close I could hear his conversation - "You better tell your brother to back off, Susan, before I go talk with him."
I started laughing.
He glares at me and yells "YOU! DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM?"
Me? ME??? Who in the fuck are you to be talking to me like that?
So I turned around and said "Yeah. You're a pussy. What are you gonna do about that? Call my fucking sister and whine? Be a man and go kick her brothers' ass."
Everybody within earshot cracked up and Tough Guy went somewhere else for his tofu sandwich.
And finally, Idiot #3. I'm in line and there's 2 women (I think) and a guy (again, I think) ahead of me. Between the 3 of them there are 8 different shades of hair color, approximately 27 piercings and maybe one job.
So I'm in line behind them listening to Mr. Cool talk shit to his 2 women (I think) and thanking God I don't have to wake up next to something like that.
They pay for their shit and stop by the door for lotto tickets, so by the time I get my business done I'm dead off on their heels. As I'm walking behind them towards my truck, the guy (I think) sees my Lanes' Predator Control sign on my tailgate, reads it aloud and suggests to his lady (I think) friends, "Hey, lets call this guy and fuck with him! We can do this all night long."
I tapped him on the shoulder and said "I got a better idea. I'm right here, motherfucker. Why don't you fuck with me face to face?"
The expression on his face was priceless......
Those wimpy assholes always talk bad on the phone. Face to Face not so much. See it all the time.
ReplyDeletePaul in Texas
I get the same thing on the internet. My regular email is my contact info on my blog and you wouldn't believe the shit I get. If I were to publish it all, I could start another blog.
ReplyDeleteWay to go!
ReplyDeleteYou just gave me the best laughs I've had all week!
Ah Wirecutter, ya crack me up! I just wanted to tell someone (or all of them) to Fuck Off. You did it so much better. Thanks for the laugh.
ReplyDeleteMan, I need some shits and grins
ReplyDeletetonight, WC! Thanks! These 'tards sound like Central Oregon, where I live. Last week I helped some lady being abused verbally and mentally by her ex- bouncer boyfriend from the local strip club. He was a real prize and she was trying so hard to
get rid of him.That was at work.
Then I had a run in with some nasty hacked over blonde rag at the pharmacy talking on her cell phone so the enire store could here her. She was rude to the cashier(a friend) so I finally told her to shut the f--k up and NONE of us wanted to hear about her period, including the other ladies in line. The manager actually came and threw her out and told her not to come back. She then gave me a case of brew(my choice) and bottle of wine for my wife, no charge for sticking up for the cashier. Not too bad and I so appreciate what is on here.
Thanks, Patriot.
ReplyDeleteSome of us just get tired of the shit and it really got bad when everybody and their mother could afford a cell phone.
Keep your private conversations private, kids.
As far as talking shit? If I were already a felon and wasn't afraid to lose my guns, I'd be knocking some motherfuckers out right where they stand.
Really, the fear of losing my guns is what has saved more than one rude motherfuckers' life.
Yep, same here and I am always armed.Legally, of course.
ReplyDeleteI take no chance anymore and it is damn good thing I have
learned to control my temper
(sort of)because if I did what
I did to such morons
in high school and college.
Two weeks ago it was a couple
of union goons(from the SIEU, nasty!)who just sat down next
to me and asked me about Scott walker and Wisconsin and if I supported the unions there.
Geez, all I wanted to do was have a few cold IPA's and listen to Momma's band. No, they had to jack with me. I so want to live
far away and just be able to shoot anyone who messes with me and bury their remains for coyotes and bears to dig up.
The goons, they did not to meet
MR.Python or Mr. Dan Wesson.
Can't understand why? It would only hurt for a second.
It is really like morons on parade anymore. I truly hate
cell phones and the idiots who
use them.
"Between the 3 of them there are 8 different shades of hair color, approximately 27 piercings and maybe one job."
ReplyDeleteButter, Kenny.
Definitely on a roll.
As a friend of mine says: "It's good to be king".
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely awesome. If more people would confront the rude assholes, people would be a lot more civil.
I hit my local Wally World last night -- something I always try to avoid (early mornings are MUCH better) but I needed too much shit to avoid it. And it was just my luck to find out it was "Screaming Toddler Night"! Guess my first stop shoulda been in sporting goods to field test some earplugs... I'm so glad that my two are 23 and 17 years old, and I sincerely hope that it will be a lo-o-o-o-ong time before I have to listen to my grandkids screaming.
ReplyDeleteHey Ken, do a web search for "cell phone stun gun". I got one, looks just like an old school cell. I carry that thing everywhere and will put you on the ground doin the funky chikn pissin your pants.(I know from bein 9 beers into a 12 pak and wonderin how good it works!) You can put stupid fukkers on the ground and nobody see or hear a thing... Mine cost 52 buks and runs on 2 CR-2 battys.
ReplyDeleteKen, here's the website. www.stungunscheaper.com
ReplyDeleteCan't top your story without making up crap. I shoulda tried anyway, but the cat's already out of the bag.
ReplyDeleteNo fair Ken!!! Why is it you get to have all the fun???? Oh well, maybe during tourist season something will happen here at the OBX... we don't get many Kali's out here though.....
ReplyDeleteGeeze Wirecutter, you need to move.
ReplyDeleteNever mind. Stay there. We all need to keep reading posts like this which can only exist because it's gotta be California.
Definitely a roll!
Love your style man, we could create an *incident* if we hung out together...
ReplyDeleteI know the look. Boy ended up with poopie drawers.
ReplyDeleteYou must mean the "If you open your fucking mouth right now I'm going to cram your nose in it with my fist" look.
ReplyDeleteOh my, my, oh hell yeah!
ReplyDeleteKen...bless you and your restraint...I had a somewhat similar thing happen to me a couple years ago...I am much more of a wimp than you but the emotions exist....stay strong my man..stay strong...
ReplyDeletehttp://oleragtop.blogspot.com/2009/09/in-general-i-hate-muffin-tops.html