Night Befo Crizzmus

Wus da night afo' Crizzmus, and all thru da hood, Everybody be sleepin' and da sleepin' be good.

We hunged up our stockins, an hoped like all heck, dat dear Ol' Obama's, gunna brang us our checks!

All of da fambly, was ly'in on the flow, my sister wif her gurlfriend, and my brother wif some 'ho.

Ashtrays was all full , empty beer cans and all, when I heared such a fuss, I thunk...."Sh'eet, it must be da law".

I pulled de sheet off da windoe and what I'ze could see, I was spectin' the sherrif, wif a warrent fo' me.

But what did I see, made me say, "Laaawd look at dat". Dere was a huge watermelon, pulled by 8 big-ass rats.

Now over all of da years, Santy Claws he be white, but it looks like us brotha's, got a black un' tonight.

Faster than a poe'lice car, my homeboy he came, and whupped up on dem rats, as he called dem by name.

On Biden, On Jessie, On Polosi and Hillary Who, On Fannie, On Freddi, On Ayers, and Slick Willy too.

Obama landed dat melon, right there in da shreet, I knowed it fo' sho', - can you believe that Sh'eet!.

Dat Santy didn't need no chimney, he picked da lock on my doe, an I sez to myself, "Son o' bitch...he don did dis befoe"!

He had a big bag, full of presents - at first I suspeck? Wif "Air Jordans" and fake gold, to wear roun my neck.

But he left me no presents, just started stealin my shit. He got my guns and my crack, and my new burgler kit.

Den, wif my crap in his bag, out da windoe he flew, I sho' woulda shanked him, be he snagged my knife too.

He jumped back on dat melon, wif out even a hitch, and waz gone in two seconds, "democrat son of a bitch".

So nex year I be hopin', a white Santy we git, 'cause a black Santy Claws just ain't worf a shit!!!!

- Jon