"You ain't gonna believe this shit. Some motherfucker stole my truck right out of the parking lot. You're gonna have to come get me." I was fucking pissed. I just had a day that kicked my ass and now my fucking truck got ripped off and it damned sure didn't help my foul mood that Lisa started laughing. I got madder. "What's so goddamned funny?" I demanded, looking for a handy rabbit or squirrel to kick.
"Look for a black one, no bed" was all she said.
"What the fuck are you talking about, Woman? And quit laughing. This shit ain't funny."
"You drove my car today, Love." She was still laughing when she hung up.
Fuck fuck fuck........
I needed that. I thought I was the only one.....
ReplyDeleteKenny,
ReplyDeleteYou ain't old enough for that shit.
Hey, it only gets worse, try not to scatter your personal stuff all over the house, excluding known firearm locations. You're in big trouble if you forget those.
Funny story though.
I have spent a15 to 20 minutes or so looking for one car not remembering I had the other. I know your pain on this one.
ReplyDeleteHA HA HA HA!! Love ya Brother, I have done that, sucks to be the one to realize OOPS dam I are stupid! HA HA HA..
ReplyDeleteKenny, Kenny, Kenny. It's gonna be awhile before your Lisa lets you forget this one dude. You're too
ReplyDeleteyoung to be suffering from "aldtimers" disease
I called the cops, filled out a stolen vehicle report in the parking lot, then called my wife to come get me. Then I saw my car parked on the street because that's where I left it when I came back from lunch that day.
ReplyDeleteThe cops were royally pissed when I called them back to cancel the report.
It could be worse. A neighbor and his wife went to the local wholesale club. Finish, load crap in car, wife takes cart back, he realizes he left her in the parking lot after driving about 3 miles. Deep shit.
ReplyDeleteTerry
and what were you smoking, ken?
ReplyDeleteTHAT is funny as shit man!!!
ReplyDeleteYup, you're gettin old Ken. You went right past the "CRS" phase of your life and went straight to "CRAFT". Can't remember a fuckin thing!! :-)
That's the funniest story I heard this week! Hahaha. I thought my short term memory was bad.
ReplyDeleteKenny - the mind is the first to go.
ReplyDeleteTie a piece of bacon on antenna lol love ya brother,terry aka mentalman
ReplyDeleteAll I thought was, you dumb mother fucker, then I remembered, I walked out of the wrong door at the mall one time 20but years ago and couldn't find my car. I call the cops to report it stolen, they found it on the other side of the lot.......still funny though ....
ReplyDeleteOk, this one I can beat....
ReplyDeleteCouple of months ago, I went for a drive to blow away the winter cobwebs, just for the sake of being somewhere different.
Got to where I was going, parked & went a-wandering. After a couple of hours, I got back to the (secure & attended) car park - car not there!!!!
Promptly go apeshit with the attendants, wanting my %%*&^ing car back RIGHT NOW!!!
They politely hear me out, then even more politely say "Here are the helmet & gloves you checked with us, SIR, your motorbike is in bay M6, SIR, still attached to your security chain, SIR......"
Y'all know that shrivelled-up feeling that comes with realising you've very loudly & publicly been a grade-A shit-for-brains dickhead.....? Ooh, yeaahh....
I left a BIG tip....
I come out of the store walking to my truck. I felt for my key ring that hangs from a belt loop. Holy shit, where are my keys? Must have fell off. Went back in to see if anyone turned them in. No such luck. So I start back tracking. After several minutes of looking, I called the wife. BRING MY EXTRA SET OF KEYS. Found my keys. They were still in the ignition with the engine running.
ReplyDeleteMiss Lisa is gonna tell that story EVERY Thanksgiving and Christmas for years to come.
ReplyDelete