Sunday, September 16, 2012


I've got to go to the DMV tomorrow.
My driver's license expired 4-5 months back and I never bothered to renew it, not because of some Constitutional thing but because I hate going to the DMV. Usually my CDL is renewed automatically, but because they've got a new design I've got to personally make an appearance so they can take a picture of me in a Zoomie III shirt, unshaven for 4-5 days, Copenhagen juice dribbling down into my beard and shit.

What I've also found out is you can't get shit done without a valid ID and what really pisses me the fuck off is that I can't get a hunting license without a CDL. Hunting licenses run from July 1 to June 31 in Kalifornia, so guess who doesn't have a hunting license yet either..... So that is my specific reason for caving in tomorrow.
I normally lay off hunting in the summer anyways (too fucking hot) and I don't hunt in the mountains during deer season - just because I don't hunt deer doesn't mean I'm going to fuck up somebody else's chance at a deer with my calling and caterwauling all over the mountains. But as soon as the season's over in that particular zone, I'm fucking there.

Yeah, I couldn't believe it the first time I was ID'd after my birthday and it was refused as valid ID because it was expired. "It's the fucking license that expired, not me goddamnit" I protested. "Here, check for yourself." I held out my arm so he could take my pulse and validate that I in fact had not expired. He just shrugged. It's The System.

So I've put off getting that driver's license until the last possible moment. Tomorrow at 10:20 AM I will present myself in sober condition to become a law abiding member of society again.
It's been more than 3 months so I may have to take the fucking written test again. That ain't no big deal but if they make me take the driving test, I'm gonna fail that motherfucker on purpose the first time just to watch the DMV dude shit all over himself when I give him a free demonstration of my evasive driving techniques.
Hey, don't give the Man nothin' for free - make 'em work for it.


MissK said...

I for one, am so glad you are not "expired" That was some funny shit, thank you, I needed that :-)

Toejam said...

Don't worry about voting in November Cutter,

You don't need no photo I.D. for that.

Matter of fact you don't even need to be breathing.

Walter Zoomie said...

Dammit. You shoulda told me you wanted to wear one of my cartoonish and crappy designs for your DL photo. I coulda whipped up something poetic and deep like, "Go fuck yourself, goon."

hiswiserangel said...

I would give ANYTHING to be in the pickup during that driving test.

MissK said...

Good luck at the DMV today Wirecutter... I'll be hoping for a driving test ;-)

MissK said...

GMTA Angel ;-)

Stretch said...

I pray the clerk hands you a test ... in Spanish. That should register a 7.9 on any scale.