Worst fucking trip to Walmart EVER.
I went for 3 items - milk, cold brew tea and lemonade. I parked by the automotive/garden section where the checkout is usually less crowded so I can get the fuck out quicker. I go in, get my 3 things and go stand in line which isn't too long and just as I lay my shit on the counter, I realize that I got decaffeinated tea. Fuck that, I go all the way to the other side of the store and get real tea and go back. I round the corner into the garden section and there's about a million tweekers with a collective weight of maybe 200 pounds combined with their baskets piled full of junk food that they're going to pay for with their food stamp cards. Again, fuck that. I head back to the other side of the store and get in the self checkout line. I'll walk the half mile back to my truck, no big deal. I ring up my real tea and pick up the milk to ring it up and it's got a fucking pink top on it. Wrong kind of milk. Shit. I cancel the sale and go back and get the real deal. As I'm walking away I get smart and check the lemonade and you guessed it - sugar free.
Okay, I get the right stuff and check out and commence to hiking my ass back to my truck. When I get there, there's a shitload of illegals standing behind and just off to the right of my truck with their cart chock full of groceries up against my bumper. I put my bags in the back of my truck, hoping they'll take the hint. They don't. I smile nicely and move their cart about a foot to the side of my bumper so I can get gone and what does Pedro do? Gives me a dirty look and leans on the cart which pushes it back behind my truck. I start up, put it in reverse and tap my horn. They look at me like I was the rude one and turned back to continue their conversation.
The last I saw of their cart full of groceries it was doing about 20 miles an hour down the slope towards the truck dock with Jose and Pedro in hot pursuit.
The only bright spot of the whole trip was I saw a midget.
That last line was the proverbial icing on the cake. Good job teaching the illegals a lesson in manners. Now, I'm going out to see if I can find a midget somewhere.
ReplyDeleteLook for a car going down the road with nobody driving. That's always a good start.
ReplyDeleteEl loco diablo at the el walmarto!
ReplyDeleteMale or Female ? , the midget that is. There was a small time local comic around here years ago who had a whole routine about midgets breathing on his fly ......well fuck it thats a whole nuther story. Ha ! Oscar O.
ReplyDeleteA midget dude. Stout little fucker too.
ReplyDeleteI bet it would be hard to kick a midget's ass on account of their center of balance being so low. That and the fact they swing about nut-high......
The last I saw of their cart full of groceries it was doing about 20 miles an hour down the slope towards the truck dock with Jose and Pedro in hot pursuit.
ReplyDeleteWell, at least you brightened MY day...ROFL
Sorry about your day, but on the upside, you win the internet today. Best post I've read in a long while. 10,000 internets for you, sir.
ReplyDeleteThat's funny. It sounds like they were pretty close to tasting pepper spray.
ReplyDeleteShould have rounded the corner with their cart and sent it whirling back to Mexico!
ReplyDeleteSo what the fuck is it with walmart, everything a dude want is ALWAYS at the far corners of the srore...ya gotta pack an overnight bag to get there. Hate that shit!
Was the tea on sale,?
ReplyDeleteShoulda peppersprayed the bastards to boot.
ReplyDeleteTwo thumbs up.
ReplyDeleteBTW I have been noticing Wally World is phasing out the "unhealthy" choices by lowing the numbers they keep on the shelves and placing the sugar free type stuff in easier to grab locations around here. Some stuff has disappeared altogether.
Leaving a few of them with a Goodyear tattoo would have been a nice gesture.
ReplyDeleteIt is not just the illegals need a lesson in manners. Pretty much everyone these days. I am a "snowbird" from MI who has wintered in PHX this is the 5th yr, and found a while back that our southern neighbors lack a lot of what we in Amerika call manners, guess it's because of the third world shithole they escaped to come here and then practice their third world shithole social interactions with us in. Excuse the poor syntax, but I think you get the point..............
ReplyDeleteThis actually made me laugh out loud and then have to read it to my man that had to pause the tv to ask what I was laughing about. He also cracked up at the midget.
ReplyDeleteStill sounds like more fun than my day was, I made the mistake of trying to go to a gun show. So packed you couldn't breathe, I wish I could have had the satisfaction of sending a cart flying.
I saw two midgets in camouflage at the gun show. I win.
ReplyDeleteLet me guess - camo'd up as a leaf, right?
ReplyDeleteNo wirecutter, not camo'd as a leaf..
ReplyDeleteThey were Toad stools.
That is Frog shit in plain English!
That's fucking awesome... the midget part anyways. I tell the wife I wish they sold those little fuckers in stores I would buy me one.
ReplyDeleteRBailey
If I'd been thinking I would have given them a couple of III cards, struck up a conversation and recruited them. As it was, I didn't even manage to get a pic.
ReplyDeleteGotta be California
ReplyDelete