My Day

So I woke up this morning, had my coffee and went out to feed my chickens, only to find one dead in the coop under the hanging feeder. The feathers around her butt were pretty bloody, so the only thing I can figure is she either had an egg break inside her or one got hung up. Well, shit. Those 4 birds keep me and Lisa in eggs, plus I give the folks across the road a dozen about once every 10 days. I needed to replace that hen, but I figured to pick up a couple in case I lose one this winter. 

I didn't want to get chicks for a couple reasons, #1 being I've got 3 hens in the coop and I wanted something big enough to where they weren't going to get pecked to death and #2, the weather's getting cooler and I wanted birds that would be old enough to survive the winter. Plus, come springtime they'll start laying right when the older hens get back on schedule. 

I got online to the poultry dealer I've been using and checked their inventory sheet and saw they had a bunch of birds in the 3-4 month range. Perfect. I hopped in the truck and drove down to Brush Creek in Smith County just on the other side of Carthage (home of Al Gore, Nobel Peace Prize Winner) to get a couple pullets. 

I pulled into the place, told the kid what I wanted, and he netted me 2 pullets. He told me what kind they were but he was mumbling so I didn't quite catch it. I'll have to look it up later when they get their full plumage. 

He put them in a raggedy box and folded the lid shut. I paid him and thanked him for his time.

Anyways, I turned on the stereo and headed for home. It was a beautiful day, nice and cool, and all was right in my world - until those fucking chickens decided to make a break for it. They didn't just find a way and crawled out, it was like somebody hit a switch because those motherfuckers just exploded out of that box as I was tooling on down the road at 60 mph singing along to David Allen Coe with my driver's side window open. 

So here I am, trying to bat those bitches back into the back seat, trying to steer and roll my window up all at the same time down this curvy hilly road, cussing to beat the band. I finally found a stretch of road with a shoulder, so I pulled over and jumped out, then opened the back door and climbed in trying to corner these two birds and not being very successful. I'm starting to get frustrated and I look behind me and I'll be damned if a deputy hadn't pulled up behind me with his lights flashing. 

I climbed out of the truck, fucking chicken feathers in my beard, and he asked me just what in the hell was going on? I explained what was happening and he came over and looked inside, started laughing and climbed back into his Explorer and drove off. Hell, I could've used a hand here, partner. 

But yeah, I finally wrangled them back into their box and got them home, stuffing them into the henhouse where there's a KFC lid stapled prominently above the door as a warning as to what's going to happen if they keep fucking up.