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Sunday, June 27, 2021

Sunday Video 1


 

49 comments:

  1. A encouraging start then a little bit heartbreaking.

    And the pregnant single mother taking care of her mentally adrift Dad still has to deal with Socialized Medicine, judging from the British Accents.

    Thanks for the moment of thought.

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    1. Socialized medicine ..... meaning NO medicine.

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    2. It's no different here in the US. My parents went through it, and it is pretty much the same. You empty your banks, savings, wallets, credit cards to they can prolong the agony of watching those you love waste to nothing, physically and mentally.
      And there is absolutely nothing you can do. I prayed Jack Kevorkian would show up. But when they call that 'you need to come to the home right away', and you see them no longer suffering, it's one of the saddest and happiest moments of your life. Where it happens doesn't matter, they're all the same, treatment is all the same, the end result is all the same.

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  2. well shit, that took a sad turn

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  3. Damn Ken, that’s a hell of a way to start Sunday. I know some people who are going through this. Got kinda dusty in here all of a sudden.

    Nifter

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  4. It's hard to grasp just how hard Alzeheimers/Dementia is on the family of the afflicted unless you've seen it or dealt with it. It's a HORRIBLE way to go.

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    1. I have it on both sides of my family. Both of my grandmothers developed it before they died. Fortunately one of them lost most of their mind; the other only remembered that she was married and every time she woke up, she asked where here husband was...needless to say, he had predeceased her, so every time she woke up, she suffered the loss of her husband again... image having to go through this 3 to 4 times every day...

      This is why I'll never have children, not with this family history.

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  5. I never saw that coming ... suddenly got dusty here .

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  6. Heart breaking. The most cruel disease, in my opinion, to take away a person's memory.

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  7. That was a depressing way to start my day.

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  8. Well that was sad!

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  9. Took care of my Pop his last 2 years. He always could recognize me, my wife. Couldnt remember what he ate 10 minutes ago. Funny thing at the end, it was just his bare self, and his personality was beautiful.

    Dang, a 2x4 just got in my eye

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    1. I can relate to the "remember what he ate ten minutes ago" with my mother. She would eat dinner, she always had a good appetite and ten minutes after leaving the table, she'd be back, saying "when are we going to eat, I'm hungry". She never did that at breakfast or lunch, just dinner. It used to drive my Dad nuts.

      Nemo

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  10. Sobering for a Sunday morning. "Yinzer"

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  11. At my age that sure hit home. Every time I forget something that I never would have I wonder. Is it just old age or is it the start? Good post WC.

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  12. Wow, that is some effective tear-jerking propaganda, wrapping a genuine tragedy around the central problem: why did princess pick a guy who wouldn't be there for her and the kid? Probably because of some earlier propaganda that told her it would make her a better person to not be too selective.

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    1. Maybe her husband had died.

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    2. I've got a cousin who's husband was killed in a car accident just a few days after they found out she was pregnant. The 'kid' is now in his 30s and Kayla never did remarry. Strong, strong woman.

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    3. Part of the problem with people is you don't know what someone is made of until they face hardship.

      It's all fun and games until shit hits the fan. Like when a spouse gets really sick, debilitatively sick or injured, and the other spouse can't hack it. 24/7/365 care, from simple things like making dinner to complex things like bath or toilet times, administering iv meds that hurt, and, of course, protecting them from predators of all types (fucking phone and computer scammers, they all need to die a slow death.)

      Which is why Wirecutter, as harsh and crude as he seems to be, is a living saint. Most guys or gals, faced with a spouse losing sight or motion or senses, bail. He hasn't.

      That video... dammit, WC, got me crying. How fucked up. Facing pregnancy in your late 30's to 40's and having to take care of an adult... toddler. Fuck.

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    4. Keep in mind, those two are actors.

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    5. That does not negate the fact that this is a reality for many folks. Compassion, empathy and understanding will take one very far in THIS world, and beyond. Ohio Guy

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  13. Hospice RN here. Good video, concise and thought provoking.

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  14. Wow, very moving. My mother is ninety five and has mild to moderate dementia. I am patient with her and sometimes it wears on me but I know she has only a few years, tops, left.

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    1. That (being patient) is not only kind but also wise, and your mother is lucky to have you.

      In a somewhat lesser way, I resolved to change how *I* dealt with annoying things my father did. All my life he had the habit of pointing out irrelevant things and telling the same story over and over. Example: driving in a certain neighborhood, he'd point out "816 Henry St" and tell me "Your uncle D.C. lived there when we were grad students together." Sounds like no big deal, but I had to listen to that literally hundreds of times, and it had never been relevant. (Plus D.C. wasn't an uncle, he was a buddy of my dad's and not particularly a person I cared for. But I digress.) One day however, I was driving dad around. Distracted and not planning ahead, I drove by Henry St. Oh, goddammit! I thought myself. Sure enough "Hey, see that house there, number 816? Your ...". I started to grind my teeth, then said to myself, "The old man's in his late 80's. Time will come when I wish he was around to tell me that damn story again." After that, each time dad did something like that, I was grateful that I still had him, rather than annoyed by him. There are many things I cannot change, but I CAN change how I respond to them,

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  15. Headlights came over the hill on that video! Caught me full on in the middle of the road.

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  16. wire cutter your too nice.

    Tom please be careful who you verbalize like that in the real world. It's almost the same a jerking off at a funeral. It might become a wood chipper episode later that evening.

    Just saying.

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    1. If that was an actual widow in that bit of arty propaganda, I would feel really bad about myself lol.

      Someone deserves kudos. At least Sally Struthers bothered to food tease real kids.

      I'm guessing the punchline to the full thing is "Moar Britishy Healthcare".

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  17. Thank you brother, we All go back to dust. How we walk that twisty road says everything about us. Good Sunday post.

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  18. I'll be 50 this summer with a 7 year old. It's just he and I. Mom may as well not exist at all. I hope I can teach my son to give me mercy and check me out if this ever happens, if for no other reason to save HIS psyche and soul.

    I wanna be able to wipe my own ass, and recognize my only child. If I can't do that, then I'm just eating up space. It'll give him a new lease for his life. ='(

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  19. This was a great vid. I did not see the ending coming and when it did, I lost it. It was such a reminder what we went through with my dad just a few short years ago. Dad got to where everytime he saw me, he would say "I know you". It didn't matter if was days or minutes since he saw me, he would always say that. So, to all who have a family member or friend with this horrible disease, spend as much time with them as you can before it is too late, and it will be too late one day.

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  20. Pollen count got real high here all of a sudden...

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  21. That ending is tough to take. I've been caring for my mother for nigh on ten years. Before that, I was helping with dad.

    My questions to others who care for their parents or elderly loved ones; how many hours per day/week/month are you physically present with them? To what extent have you rearranged your life in order to be with them?

    I ask because I have put on hold many projects and dreams I would like to accomplish for my life. Sometimes it feels selfish for me to want to live my life. Part of my 'problem', I guess, is I told myself that mother will not be going into a home as long as I have something to say about it. But maybe I've bitten off more than I can chew. And that disturbs me. Fair to say I am of two minds about the whole thing.

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    1. I've given up my life to take care of my wife. All the fun stuff that took me out for more than a few hours here and there to shop, gone.

      I love her that much. She is my life and I am hers. She saved me, fixed me, allowed me to get past who I was. And I am returning the favor.

      I still have dreams about doing the stuff I don't do anymore. Like going places and seeing things and just being alone for hours. But all of that's gone.

      And I wouldn't have it any other way. She's my love, and my life. For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.

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    2. Look into in-home care. It's sometimes called respite care, and may be covered by health plans.

      I was with my girlfriend pretty much 24/7 for the last two years of her life. Her dementia was complicated by loss of vision and physical debility, and I was unwilling to put her into a facility (partly because I wouldn't have been allowed to see her during the lockdowns), but taking care of her was getting to be too much for me.

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    3. I guess it depends on a lot of factors, but the bottom line is that no one can tell you how much you can bear. Everyone has a point after which they can't take (or do) any more, and it's not necessarily what someone else would predict. Only you can honestly decide "that's enough."

      Kind of a two part question here: 1) what does your mother have to say about all this? and 2) "I told myself that mother will not be going into a home as long as I have something to say about it" -- is that a vow you made to your mother, or something you told yourself?
      For 1) does your mother expect you to do all this forever, or has she told you to get on with your life? for 2) I see this as a duty and honor thing, and without getting all barracks-lawyery on you, there is a difference between a vow to another human being, spoken aloud with your own breath before God and the assembled company, and a resolution you made to yourself.

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    4. Condolences, Rick. But since you asked... given some of my family situations and what is likely in the future, I've given my children explicit instructions that my job in life is to help them and their children, but it is not their job to help me beyond what they can comfortably do. Instead, they are to face forward when decisions are to be made that would otherwise hamper their own children and grandchildren, and that I will be proud of them for that, into eternity. I would imagine that any parent would feel the same, even if they are no longer able to express it.

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    5. I’m 61, youngest of 4 boys & thought of as the black sheep.
      Mom retired and moved up to Port Townsend & did well for many yrs…family church and other things to keep her busy. Macular degeneration forced her to stop driving at night and eventually all. The church she devoted her time to wouldn’t send anyone to pick her up or a pastor stop by, basically was living in solitary confinement.
      My next oldest brother moved in for a while as did other family with mixed results; do not think she fell victim to any financially or other.
      Eventually had to sell the house, a nice little two bedroom on a hill looking out over the Olympics.
      She moved in with me, we took care of her as best we could, it was trying at times. I was laid off from HP, going to college, but due to my commitment\time I chose to spend with her, I did not get the benefit of the community college experience, there were other sacrifices too.
      She ended up moving to an assisted living home, we thought she would live until the end. But the gypsies running it would not accept only Medicaid\Medicare and we found ourselves facing unmanageable financial costs.
      Found a smaller home, run by a nice Romanian family that accepted Gov payments, maybe a smaller amount from her SS can't recall now. The wife was whom kept asking why we had her in a home run by gypsies, she was not using it a nice way either. Answered I did not know that and wished had found them first.
      She was not my mom for the last few yrs, I would still visit pretty much every day, near the end it was slightly pointless, and did not stop by as frequently. When she passed a Romanian co-worker, friend was offering condolences on the loss of my mom. I thanked him and replied she hadn’t been my mom for a few years.
      It is an odd disease, she could remember older memories, things from childhood, work, or phone numbers. She worked as a receptionist\secretary type for many years; those habits & tasks would surface frequently. e.g., she felt she had to keep track of the employees (aka family) to know what to say if someone called or came in to see them. That was overwhelming in my mixed multi-family household.
      Another thing, she would frequently ask about how far it was to the garage or how big the house; had that conversation often. She would ask me a question in the morning to have an answer for something I would ask later!
      She frequently thought she was on a train, we rode them often when I was a child and before.
      There were times I regretted taking care of her as long as I did, there were times I wasn’t the kindest person to her, mostly during the repeated questions and others that wore my patience. It didn’t help that I was only in my late 30's, early 40's at the time and not as wise as now. I think I did well, but still think if I could have gotten her into a better home earlier it might have been a better relationship for a little longer.
      My personal experience and that so many others have had at least some kind of interaction with someone close with the disease is part of my anger at the idiots who voted for Biden, how can they not SEE that he is not the same he was even as recently as the Dem primary, but for quite a while. He may have had a stuttering problem as a child, don't care, he is NOT stuttering or making simple miss-statements, he is not all there. I pray God gives him strength to last long enough for the truth to come out or the next election if we have one. Last thing we need is the non-eligible traitor Kamala as President, although she and Jill Biden are the ones pulling the levers with others directing them. May God see Justice is done to all who put him to this task in his condition.
      In the end Rick, only you can answer your question. God bless.

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  22. Am I the only one that thinks these are the same actors?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2sUBO6q1oQ

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  23. Find out what the early signs are and watch for them. Watch. My mother-in-law emptied one of her checking accounts before my wife and I figured out she was giving money to "non-profit" political organizations. Her response: "Well, they must need the money or they wouldn't ask for it."

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  24. Oh, god, the full version is actually a little harder, especially when you know how it ends. And no, Tom, it’s not a “Moar Britishy Healthcare” ad.

    https://youtu.be/EuRHHmXbzYs

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    1. RustyGunner,
      I forwarded that full version to my 67-year old younger sister.
      "It won't be long now."

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  25. I had an aunt, my dad's youngest sister, whose husband took care of her, with alzheimer's until she died, at home. That means feeding her, wiping her ass, bathing, dressing, taking her out to social events like family dinners, etc. It isn't just keeping an eye on her while she sits in a chair.
    I asked him, why do you do it? Without a hesitation, he looked me square in the eye, and said " she is the love of my life." As if there could be no other possibility, no way that she would go into an institution where he would allow some unknown person to take care of his love. He has a sort of gruff exterior, with some people, although little kids make him into a marshmallow. He used to play with them on the lawn, tossing coins in the grass for them to find.
    I think that this was perhaps the most touching video that I have ever seen. Thanks, Ken, you did good.

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  26. Mike C: In my view, "duty" is that set of things that you do, so that you can look, unflinchingly, at that guy in the mirror./ Your set may not look like my set, my set may not look like that guy's set, etcetera.

    Beans: good on'ya, sir.

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  27. Very thought provoking WC.

    I've changed my life in the past year to be with an old flame from 30 years ago. Moved from a great place in n Ar to the Olympic Peninsula. I'm 70 and have taken excellent care of myself all my life, I look to be in my early 50s. My gal has not aged that well, has a number of physical problems.

    She and I have very solemn DNR promises about injuries suffered in some kind of accident but we part company on end of life care with her telling me when it's time, she's not going to stay on this side of the plane and I tell her I made a vow to always take care of her.

    When I was a little boy I saw my grandmother spend the last 8 years of her life in a home because of a massive stroke, my mom just couldn't take care of her. She told many times how she regretted not turning around after see gram sprawled out on the floor, but how could she know?

    I know this, my woman is not going in a home. I don't care if it becomes a 24/7 job. we had a chance at a great life 30 years ago and I fucked it up, will not do that again. I will always take care of her.

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  28. Beautiful souls commenting. God bless you all for defining humanity.

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