You know right away it's a girl if that's the 'father'. He's already ears deep in the estrogen with all the soy he's been eating, there's no chance there'll ever be a man in the family.
I remember when my first was born. I'm holding him in the nursery. He's got his head on my shoulder. All of a sudden he picks his head up and looks at me. I know he could see me 'cause they hadn't put the drops in his eyes yet. I look back at him thinking, "What an amazing thing. Everything about him is like an adult in miniature, right down to his tiny little fingernails. Well Nemo, you're eff'd now for the next twenty years or so".
No kidding. What a lightweight. When my second son was born they did a C-section because of his size and I watched the whole thing and got in there and cut the cord myself. Would not trade that experience for anything on this earth.
Matthew, you got me thinking, take all these gender confuses boys who want to be girls and have them watch a difficult delivery. Then tell them there is a possibility they could self impregnate during the genital mutilation process.
Been there and done that long time ago in a land far far away. Afterwards the delivering doctor and I went for a pint of Guinness and a game of snooker. Unfortunately the wife couldn't attend the celebration.
Our first came 3 1/2 weeks early. There were several times during the pregnancy that the dr told her that she might have to stay in bed. So we went in at 2a.m. and the baby came about 12 hours later; which gave me 12 hours to quietly worry about everything. The baby comes and immediately the dr and nurses are all talking about the "big" baby while I am holding her. They kept saying "big baby" and I am convinced that something is wrong and they are just trying to make us feel better. Each time I heard it, I am revising the weight down. Finally they tell me to put the "big baby" on the scale, so I do, and the readout is 4.5. I'm thinking about how long they will need to keep her in the hospital when the nurse looks down and says "wrong mode" and presses a button. I look again and see 8lbs 15oz on the readout. Sure felt a lot better.
Second one looked tiny too, but weighed 10lbs 4oz. I decided I am not a good judge of newborn's weights.
My first was four weeks early and born in the middle of a blizzard. Wife was small and they were predicting a three pounder so had life flight enroute with neonatal gear on board. Le popped out, 7-9 and feisty so they cancelled life flight. Fast forward two years, wife is working ER and they call life flight for an accident victim. Loading chopper, wife makes apologies for the bad conditions. Pilot reflects on a call for neonatal during a blizzard and how he was crushed when they got the wave off. He drove up the following day to see for himself my rambunctious daughter.
He's thinking what every man thinks when going thru the same scenario: "Well, that hole is never going to be the same again!"
ReplyDeleteYou know right away it's a girl if that's the 'father'. He's already ears deep in the estrogen with all the soy he's been eating, there's no chance there'll ever be a man in the family.
ReplyDeleteWill that dude ever have sex again??
ReplyDeleteI remember when my first was born. I'm holding him in the nursery. He's got his head on my shoulder. All of a sudden he picks his head up and looks at me. I know he could see me 'cause they hadn't put the drops in his eyes yet. I look back at him thinking, "What an amazing thing. Everything about him is like an adult in miniature, right down to his tiny little fingernails. Well Nemo, you're eff'd now for the next twenty years or so".
ReplyDeleteHe looks as though he just found out where babies come from, just this very moment. you can hear him being laughed at, what an eejit.
ReplyDelete+1 All this time he never believed what they thought in his 7th grade Health class. The horror, the horror!
DeleteWhat a MFing pansy!
ReplyDeleteNo kidding. What a lightweight. When my second son was born they did a C-section because of his size and I watched the whole thing and got in there and cut the cord myself. Would not trade that experience for anything on this earth.
DeleteI think that's her gay best friend
ReplyDeleteMatthew for the win!
DeleteI was thinking, What sort of man would be like this with his child being born.
"Gay Friend" says it all. Explains the whole scene.
Matthew, you got me thinking, take all these gender confuses boys who want to be girls and have them watch a difficult delivery.
DeleteThen tell them there is a possibility they could self impregnate during the genital mutilation process.
Too bad the father of the baby couldn't be there!
ReplyDeleteBeen there and done that long time ago in a land far far away. Afterwards the delivering doctor and I went for a pint of Guinness and a game of snooker. Unfortunately the wife couldn't attend the celebration.
ReplyDeleteI'm betting he leaves the hospital, goes home, packs his bags, and moves to Mexico and changes his name. He's NOT ready for this.
ReplyDeleteYou should never do mushrooms in the delivery room.
ReplyDeleteI was expecting him to faint
ReplyDeleteHA! He thinks THAT'S bad, wait until the first shitty diaper when the smell kicks in.
ReplyDeleteNah, the first rotovirus...he'll have it coming and going...
DeleteChernobyl Huggies!
DeleteThere for all three of ours, two at home. That dude didn't know where babies come from? I don't think he had anything to do with making the baby.
ReplyDeleteOur first came 3 1/2 weeks early. There were several times during the pregnancy that the dr told her that she might have to stay in bed. So we went in at 2a.m. and the baby came about 12 hours later; which gave me 12 hours to quietly worry about everything. The baby comes and immediately the dr and nurses are all talking about the "big" baby while I am holding her. They kept saying "big baby" and I am convinced that something is wrong and they are just trying to make us feel better. Each time I heard it, I am revising the weight down. Finally they tell me to put the "big baby" on the scale, so I do, and the readout is 4.5. I'm thinking about how long they will need to keep her in the hospital when the nurse looks down and says "wrong mode" and presses a button. I look again and see 8lbs 15oz on the readout. Sure felt a lot better.
ReplyDeleteSecond one looked tiny too, but weighed 10lbs 4oz. I decided I am not a good judge of newborn's weights.
My first was four weeks early and born in the middle of a blizzard. Wife was small and they were predicting a three pounder so had life flight enroute with neonatal gear on board. Le popped out, 7-9 and feisty so they cancelled life flight. Fast forward two years, wife is working ER and they call life flight for an accident victim. Loading chopper, wife makes apologies for the bad conditions.
DeletePilot reflects on a call for neonatal during a blizzard and how he was crushed when they got the wave off.
He drove up the following day to see for himself my rambunctious daughter.
Obviously boyfriend/husband did not pay attention during childbirth classes. I was there for all of mine. Wonderful experience.
ReplyDeleteYea, big, young, tough me turned white as a sheet, knees buckled, nurse had to sit me down for a spell. Ohio Guy
ReplyDelete