I actually picked up her ashes Saturday morning. I know it sounds weird but one thing that really bothered me was the thought of her spending a few days in a freezer before they cremated her, as much as she disliked the cold, so it was no small thing knowing they cremated her right after she was put to sleep.
It's still hard. I keep finding myself reaching down to pet her when I'm in the house, and when me and that asshole dog Jack are out for his morning run I keep looking for her to make sure she's close and not in the brush or trees where she'd be coyote bait.
The mornings are worse. She slept on my bed most of the time and now I'm waking up and reaching down to scratch her and give her morning belly rubs. That used to start both of our day in a pretty good mood, now it's just another "Aw fuck" moment.
But it will pass. It always does.
Even that asshole dog Jack has been remarkably subdued. I don't know if it's because he misses her, if he senses from me and Lisa that something's wrong or if it's because I keep telling him if he doesn't get his shit together and quit fucking up, he's next. Take your pick.
Again, thank all of you, especially Big Country who sent me a copy of The Rainbow Bridge. I made the mistake of opening the package in the post office, then walked out with my head hanging so nobody would see me all teary eyed.
The book is sitting on the table with her and CharlieGodammit's ashes. It's a nice tribute.
And then Julie and Tim passed this song on to me. It's nice and bluesy, fitting the mood perfectly but still brings a smile to my face.
Yer welcome bro
ReplyDeleteThis is the first time I heard of and read The Rainbow Bridge.
ReplyDeleteI am sitting here all choked up with tears in my eyes.
I am so sorry for your loss, but I know that Lucy had a good life with you.
Ken,
ReplyDeleteI understand the pain. BC mentioned that book, and my wife bought it for me. Broke me up too.
As i told you yesterday, we are looking to bury Bonnie's cremains at our cottage this week. This is a tough time, you are in my thoughts
I always feel better when I bring their ashes home. Thinking of you and Miss Lisa.
ReplyDeleteYes. Like Alemaster said in an earlier email, she's home with her people now.
DeleteI am very sorry to hear of the loss of Legal Lucy. Rest easy knowing you gave her a great life.
ReplyDeleteKelly
Had my dog for 8 years it took almost 3 months before I stopped going to the backdoor every night to let him out
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear of your loss. I've been distracted with house projects and totally missed your post. I can only imagine how you feel, but you should feel comfort knowing that you did all you could to give her a good life and a few more years with all that you did for her. I just read the Rainbow Bridge as I've never read it before and now I'm tearing up. Thinking of you and Miss Lisa.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it amazing how many broken hearts we can survive? Welcome home, Lucy.
ReplyDeleteThey are our best friends but there comes a time we must say good bye, never easy, good dogs live forever.
ReplyDeleteGood to know she's home.
ReplyDeleteOne of Sophie's favorite places to sleep was on the tile in the entryway. I still glance in that direction when I go down the hall. At first, it hurt like Hell when I didn't see her there, but now it serves to bring back memories of a happy time.
I just got a puppy, I haven't had a dog since 1997.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about Lucy, the more you hurt I guess the more you loved your doggy.
Kenny, I hope you and Mrs. Lisa don't grieve to much, but still a couple of years down the road you're doing something and she pops into your head and you still feel that love for a bit, and the loss.
Hard times indeed....’tis a mite dusty here. I was a mess when I had to put my first Lab down after 13 years. I’ll be doing it again in a few years with the current derp. Won’t be any easier this time around. Thinking of you both....
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel having been there too many times in my life and knowing I will be there again. But Lucy is home along with Charlie. My heartfelt condolences to you and Miss Lisa.
ReplyDeleteI too have read The Rainbow Bridge, many times. I tear up just thinking about it, but it has brought comfort.
My dog, Spud, has been gone over a decade; I dreamed about him last night. I’m not sure the pain ever goes away, I think we just learn to live with it.
ReplyDeleteShit, it’s dusty in here right now.
It's been 3 years since my wife's dog died and she still reaches for Liesl.
ReplyDeleteWe were going to wait a while but seeing my wife's heart break almost every minute when the void was still there got us to go get our current idiot, who is completely opposite of her dog.
You're lucky to get the dog you need, not the dog you want.
And we have our two dogs waiting for us, while the current idiot sleeps between us.
Take care of yourself and Miss Lisa.
So sad for you. I dread the day when I have to put dowm my Charlie. Cherish the memories.
ReplyDeleteI missed your original post, been very busy here with the start of a new academic year.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to pass on how very sorry I am. It's been a summer of loss in my reckoning, and I wish you hadn't been in the parade. My dog is just a puppy, and I really don't like having such a loud, stupid and feisty beast in my living space, but the kids/wife seem to really like her (we named her Lucy as well, mostly in honor of the girl from Lewis's Narnia books) but I know that I'll miss her when she is gone, too. I imagine loosing a dog you really loved is much harder. Take care of yourself, and please pass my condolences also to Miss Lisa.
-Just A Chemist
My condolences for your loss. Time with our dogs is time well spent. And our time with our dogs is much too short.
ReplyDeleteJust heard about this, Kenny, and my heart goes out. Never easy to lose a loved one.
ReplyDeleteI saw this poem at a "pet loss" site a while back:
ReplyDeleteWe Have A Secret
We have a secret, you and I
that no one else shall know,
for who but I can see you lie
each night in fire glow?
And who but I can reach my hand
before we go to bed
and feel the living warmth of you
and touch your silken head?
And only I walk woodland paths
and see ahead of me,
your small form racing with the wind
so young again, and free.
And only I can see you swim
in every brook I pass
and when I call, no one but I
can see the bending grass.
Author Unknown
Now how cool is that? Thank you.
Delete...brother, still praying for you and Lisa. I hate that our dogs don't have lifetimes closer to ours, likely something else God uses them to teach us. I lost my Malamute, Levi; 2yrs ago November. I still 'step over him' every time I go to the kitchen.
ReplyDeleteBest part about looking back on life with a good dog, is you wouldn't trade a minute...
Original Grandpa
I am old enough to have suffered the loss you are going through many times. It never gets easier but as of late I have figured something out that helps.
ReplyDeleteGod puts our beloved pets on earth to help us become better people. They teach and reaffirm that we are loved and that we are at our best when we love more ourselves.
Lucy will never truly die because she lives on in your heart and soul. The best 'therapy' for the pain is to find another dog and pass on your love to this new best friend and carry on loving and always knowing you are loved.
To suffer in pain is not what our lost pets nor God would want for us.
My wife had never had a pet family before, but we've had our present one for about 2 years now, two sibling puppies and two sibling kittens all born about 2 weeks apart. Raised together from about 5 weeks, they are bonded with us and caring for each other as only sisters can. The cats follow us on walks; the dogs protect the cats from visiting dogs. My wife can't get over how deeply affectionate they are with each other, and with us - when we go on trips with the dogs, they'll spend a few hours with the cats when we return, giving special attention to them. You & Lisa haven't lost those moments with Charlie and Lucy, they're just past now instead of present. Treasure the future moments with Jack and whomever new comes to stay - there will be more, because animals know how to pick their homes and you're by far a great choice. My condolences for your loss, I'm glad Lucy is home with Charlie now, and the rest of you.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry, Kenny. Thinking of you.
ReplyDelete