“The person was saying they were the head of the ‘Sinaloa Cartel’ and they had a contract out to kill me and my family. If I didn’t send them $5,000 right now they’d kill me and my family,” Chris said.
As a former member of law enforcement, Chris knew it was likely a scam.
*****
I got one of those in an email years ago and got such a kick out of it, I saved it to a folder so I could go back and reread it when I needed a laugh. You'll see the text and a screenshot below.
The first thing that sent me into a giggling fit was the name on the email account it came from - Serial Killer. And the name of the organization he belongs to. Then of course, there's the satellite tracking of the phones I don't have.
Needless to say, I didn't waste the time calling the cops.
*
Serial Killer <littleporker2004@aol.com>
To: k59lane@yahoo.com
Mon, May 22, 2017 at 12:29 PM
Attention, I am very sorry for you, is a pity that this is how your life is going to end as soon as you don't comply. As you can see we are the members of the Deadly Networks in the world, which is responsible for the bombing of twin [ISO-8859-1?]tower’s in America on Sept. 11th and the bombing of London transport services on July 7th (AL-QAEDA NETWORKS WORLDWIDE), I don't have any business with you, my duty as I am mailing you now is just to KILL you and I have to do it as I have already
been paid for that.
Someone who you called your family wants you dead by all means, and this person have spent a lot of money in this venture, This person came to us and told us that he wanted you dead, he had also stated that you have always make the highest profit whenever and he provided us with your name, picture and other necessary information's we needed about you.
So I sent my boys to track you down this including bugging of your phones with satellite tracking devices and they have carried out the necessary investigation we needed for the operation on you, and if you doubt this information am going to give you all the necessary information about you back to you in your next reply so that you can believe me, and my boys are really on you but I told them not to kill you that I will like to contact you and see if your life is important to you and the one of your family. I called my client back and ask him of your email address which I didn't tell him what I wanted to do with it and he gave it to me and I am using it to contact you now. As I am writing you this mail my men are monitoring you and they are telling me everything about you.
Now do you want to LIVE OR DIE? Since all program has be made and draw to kill you. Get back to me now if you are ready to pay some fees to spare your Life, $58,000 is all you need to spend in this process you will first of all Pay $38,000 and then I will send a tape to you which I recorded in every discussion I had with the person who wanted you dead and as soon as you get the Tape,
You will pay the remaining balance of $20,000. If you are not ready for my help, then I will carry on with my job straight-up.
WARNING: DO NOT THINK OF CONTACTING THE POLICE OR EVEN TELLING ANYONE BECAUSE I WILL KNOW ,REMEMBER, SOMEONE WHO KNOWS YOU VERY WELL WANT YOU DEAD! I WILL EXTEND IT TO YOUR FAMILY, INCASE I NOTICE SOMETHING FUNNY ABOUT YOUR TELLING THE SECURITY ABOUT IT BECAUSE A GOOD LOOK IS OUT YOU AT THE MOMENT. DO NOT COME ON UNTIL I MAKE OUT TIME TO SEE YOU AND GIVE YOU THE TAPE OF ALL DISCUSSION WITH THE PERSON WHO WANT YOU DEAD THEN YOU CAN USE IT TO TAKE ANY LEGAL ACTION. GOOD LUCK AS I AWAIT YOUR REPLY
Thats priceless comedy gold there
ReplyDeleteTough break, Ken - I usually get letters from some guy wanting me to receive a massive payout from some big bank; it’s really big, millions big. I must be on a different mailing list but I’ll be glad to forward your name and email to this guy if you like so you can get the money to call off your “assassin”. 😆
ReplyDeleteI have always liked the one from the IRS that tells me that I owe a certain amount of money. I tell them that I will not pay it and for them to come and get it. Have not seen them yet. Also, our daughter got a message that we were stranded in England and asked her to send some money so that we could get back home. She called us to ask how we got that train to England, since we were traveling by Amtrak.
ReplyDeleteNo problem, just come pick up the money..
ReplyDeleteI feel neglected. Only once have I ever been called to receive threats of arrest / detainment because of unpaid taxes I could fix if I just sent them the payment right now. I told him to mail me the paperwork and I would get right on it. Then hung up.
ReplyDeleteHe never sent it - the bastard !
Just found my new blog-post name.
ReplyDeletelittleporker2004
I swear that is no relation to me.
DeleteThe fuckers threatened to expose my porn watching habit to my family if I don't pay.
ReplyDeleteDaryl
Got that one also, I sent them my porn, lots of porn.
Delete@LuisIGotThePorn
You think these perps would at least have the decency to have their threats written by someone that is a native English speaker. Just to make it a little more plausible dontcha know. Course they're just fishing for a response so that they know they got a live number or email account that they can sell to the spammers. It'd be great fun to respond with something like "bring it MF, I've got more firepower and shoot a hell of lot better than you can write English."
ReplyDeleteI used to love seeing the Nigerian Prince faxes at work when that was a thing.
Nemo
Damn.....
ReplyDeleteI feel neglected.....
I’m only getting texts of people.....
wanting to buy my house.
Ed357
I get texts asking me if I want to sell my ex's house. It's a great temptation, but I haven't done it even once and I think I deserve some respect for that.
DeleteShit, the assholes are calling me several times or more a week! I just told off one yesterday. I recently got a postcard with an old Google Street View pic of my house, which hasn't looked like that for at least 2 years. Creepy.
Delete-ed in wa-
One of my friends strung one of those financial scammers for weeks, maybe more than a month, at the beginning of the plague lockdowns. He used references to Star Wars and other movies. We all got a kick out of the serial episodes as they came to be known. Was friggin hilarious and then the scammer finally figured out he was being scammed.
ReplyDeleteI only get emails from hot foreign girls wanting my wealthy big penis.
ReplyDeleteJW
@Anynymous: The bad english is the first filter for suckers. Pity the fools who don't read well enough to just laugh and delete the message...
ReplyDelete"Hi,
ReplyDeleteThis is El Chapo. Extend your car warranty or face death.
Thanks
E.C.
For my part, at least, today you have won the intertubes.
Delete--Tennessee Budd
I get lots of different ones, the most common being from "Paypal and "Amazon" where my account is suspended and I need to send them my id and bank details. Since my email shows where their email originated, that's a no sale.
ReplyDeleteI did used to get the one where you have to send them gift cards to keep from being arrested, arresting agency being different every time. Always told them to come and get me and that was the end of that.
Long post but might be worth it to save someone's family member from falling for it. Last week, my mom (77, healthy, mentally fit etc.) called me upset. Said she just got a call from our local sheriff department saying my daughter was in a car accident and it was due to her texting (these people must really know my 22 year old girl). There was a 7500 bail and it had to be paid with some type of gift card, can't remember those details. So my mom is panicking figuring my daughter called her instead of me (to keep from being in trouble?) and calls me to tell me anyway. As soon as she said that she had to pay bail in gift cards, I checked my ring bell camera, and there sat my daughters car in the driveway. So I got the number my mom was supposed to call and didn't let the dude get a word in edgewise. Told him he was f'ing dead, me and my homies were coming to eviscerate him and anyone in his house (the phone number was based out of Canada and the guy didn't have any foreign accent I could detect). We went back and forth for a few minutes. Biggest mistake I made is I called him from my vet clinic's phone. He called right back and told my girls (They had no idea I had done this) he just received a harassing call from this number and they played dumb, though they weren't playing cause they had no clue. Called my mom back, told her it was handled, but damn she was actually on the way to bank to get money. And my mom's always been sharp. Her generation just hasn't learned to distrust everyone. That's my motto. You must earn your trust with me, it never is immediate.
ReplyDeleteMy uncle got a call one time telling him I was in serious trouble and he could get me out of it by paying $3,000 bucks for bail.
ReplyDeleteOf course, the first thing he did was call me and tell me about it. We both laughed about it because we both knew there was no way I'd call him for something like that.
I tend to take one text scammer......
ReplyDeleteand copy/paste this scam into a reply for the next scam.....
They’ve tended to slack off after doing this.
Ed357
Maybe it’s your old buddy Sammy.
ReplyDeleteCheck out "419 Eater." These guys string along Nigerian scammers. Hilarious!
ReplyDeleteThis one might amuse ... He compiled the discussions with the spammers into a book (sold via Amazon) and serialised by the British BBC. THIS is the way to bait the bar stewards:
ReplyDeletehttps://paperzz.com/doc/7819080/lions--gold-and-confusion
Phil B
As someone else noted, I would have assumed Sammy was behind it. Is he still percolating around in the US?
ReplyDeleteHe's keeping a very low profile in Idaho. I have people in the area sending me reports occasionally, and he's not even close to being the god he always wanted to be.
DeleteMy home phone number has been the target of prank calls for most of my life. I learned the lesson young: don't engage with these idiots, but hang up quietly enough that they think you're still hanging on. Then I spent years doing in-house IT phone support for a small liberal arts college, where I had to suffer fools, if not gladly, then at least cheerfully.
ReplyDeleteOnce I retired, I found out that my wife had made it her mission to waste the scammers' time, all day every day. She keeps them on for longer and longer periods of time, personal best was 47 minutes. Her stated reasons are that it keeps them from bothering someone who might be taken in by the scam. Also, she says she is helping them improve their English. "No, no, dear, it's not WEESA, It's VISA. Say it with me." God, I love that woman.
Stay safe