The weather had been miserable for a week; cold, slashing wind, and heavy rain. No one felt like working. The bar was full of drowned construction workers and cowboys easing the memory of their woes.
No shit. Some caricature of a Hopalong Cassidy film ambles - God as me witness, this mouse of a feller ambled - and jingle jangled to an open bar stool. He's decked out in spurs and wool brush cutters under a 15 gallon hat. All looking brand new.
Every eye is on the new fangled dude, and I do mean dude, bets already being made, as all watch in wait of his imminent demise. He sets between two of the largest oil roughnecks ever seen. No one knows exactly what was said, but no sooner had he set down that he and stool went flying backwards to bounce off the wood plank floor.
I actually met the sorry feller about twenty years later. I'd been invited to a dinner party. There in the foyer was set up an art exhibit by a local artist. The exhibit was mainly a cross between Andy Warhol and early Hollywood cowboys. That dude was there in full costume just like twenty years before, this time handing out complimentary white wine spritzers. I spun my heel and left.
The Amish I know are armed to the teeth. One had a farm auction a year or two ago. They had more than 50 guns in this auction and ammo to feed them all for years.
Yeah, occasionally get funny situations like this.
One of the ladies in that one group I regularly hang out with is especially good with those. Like the other year she was being a bit annoyed about a gift certificate her husband had gotten her, because it looked like it was for a fancy garment and she didn't do those... well, then she learned the "fancy" part meant a NIJ III rating and was very happy.
Cheap beer? Play "Spear the Beer". What, you don't have a spear? Tie a knife to a broomstick. 2 people to play. Stand 25+ ft apart, toss a beer to hit the other in the chest if he fails to spear the beer. Better played drunk. Wash off with a hose or swimming hole after the bad beer is gone John in Indy
Now wondering what to do with the case of Michelob Ultra in the fridge.
ReplyDeleteO.K., it's a light, watery, neutral-flavored near-beer, but it goes great as a chaser when you're having a shot of Irish whiskey.
DeleteJust set it out on the curb after everyone's in bed. Whoever picks it up can bring it to her hot yoga class to pass around. --nines
DeleteYou weren't getting laid anyway, so drink it. But don't buy more regardless. Leave behind childish things.
DeleteI wouldn’t even give it to my dogs. How about water the garden with it or use it for slug traps?
DeleteKlaus
You COULD give that Michelob Ultra to your dog, but that may be considered animal cruelty in certain circles and get ya shot too...
DeleteGive it to your old lady and tell her it's the latest douche craze. Then sip it and enjoy the tuna flavored Ultra.
DeleteIn cans? Shoot em!
DeleteHand Sanitiser?
DeleteIt’s best use is as slug bait in a garden.
DeleteUpgrade from White Claw?
DeleteAs usual all sensational. However #15 really stuck out as particularly sick! #17 also provided a big laugh. Have a great weekend all
ReplyDeleteI thought #15 was the best of this bunch. I thought about how I'd feel if I didn't have parents, and then began to smile the best kind of smile.
Deletevisit me in hell, I'll be in the hottest room.
Just to enhance #17, there's this - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scXVSqL_hsQ
DeleteGuess I misunderstood #17. I thought he turned her into a Marine. ;-)
DeleteThe weather had been miserable for a week; cold, slashing wind, and heavy rain. No one felt like working.
ReplyDeleteThe bar was full of drowned construction workers and cowboys easing the memory of their woes.
No shit. Some caricature of a Hopalong Cassidy film ambles - God as me witness, this mouse of a feller ambled - and jingle jangled to an open bar stool. He's decked out in spurs and wool brush cutters under a 15 gallon hat. All looking brand new.
Every eye is on the new fangled dude, and I do mean dude, bets already being made, as all watch in wait of his imminent demise. He sets between two of the largest oil roughnecks ever seen. No one knows exactly what was said, but no sooner had he set down that he and stool went flying backwards to bounce off the wood plank floor.
I actually met the sorry feller about twenty years later. I'd been invited to a dinner party. There in the foyer was set up an art exhibit by a local artist. The exhibit was mainly a cross between Andy Warhol and early Hollywood cowboys. That dude was there in full costume just like twenty years before, this time handing out complimentary white wine spritzers. I spun my heel and left.
Never disappoints. #15... And great comments. Can you dig it? This is the page I look forward to - I love this shit.
ReplyDeleteThere will be white kids in 2050?
ReplyDeleteYes, but they will be Amish
DeleteThe Amish I know are armed to the teeth. One had a farm auction a year or two ago. They had more than 50 guns in this auction and ammo to feed them all for years.
Delete#16- you've met my ex?
ReplyDeleteYeah, occasionally get funny situations like this.
DeleteOne of the ladies in that one group I regularly hang out with is especially good with those. Like the other year she was being a bit annoyed about a gift certificate her husband had gotten her, because it looked like it was for a fancy garment and she didn't do those... well, then she learned the "fancy" part meant a NIJ III rating and was very happy.
Cheap beer? Play "Spear the Beer". What, you don't have a spear? Tie a knife to a broomstick. 2 people to play. Stand 25+ ft apart, toss a beer to hit the other in the chest if he fails to spear the beer.
ReplyDeleteBetter played drunk. Wash off with a hose or swimming hole after the bad beer is gone
John in Indy