And on the other end of the spectrum, about 35 years ago my buddy Dog Clymer was in court, things got kinda heated and he called the judge a motherfucker who promptly fined Dog $100 for contempt of court.
Dog reached into his pocket, pulled out some money and started counting it off. "Here's your hundred, Judge, and here's another hundred because you're still a motherfucker!"
That ended up costing him 30 days on top of the hundred bucks.
I used to live in NJ and had to go to court for unlicensed dog. Judge said $300 fine and I blurted out "That's f-ing bullshit!". I guess he was having a bad day because I spent the next seven in the Passaic County jail.
ReplyDeleteJackie Johnson, the boxer, loved fine wine and fast cars. Story goes he was stopped for speeding and at that time the cop could fine you and take the money. He paid double whatever the fine was. The cop said you paid me twice as much as needed. Jackie said, that's ok, I plan on coming back this way.
ReplyDeleteThis guy needs to become the new white house spokes person. Can you imagine the daily laughter when he reads the cr.p they give him?
ReplyDeleteI got 30 days because I wouldn't/couldn't stop laughing at the judge's glass eye, which kept rolling off to one side. Oh, well - free cheese and bologna ain't that bad.
ReplyDeleteToo often the Judge makes the court contemptible.
ReplyDeleteThe news man: Has Flip "Here come Da Judge" Wilson been resurrected?
ReplyDeleteI used to work with a guy who's brother was always in and out of jail. Always for stupid petty things it seems. Once, the judge sentenced him to 30 days in the county jail. His reply, "30 days? I can do that standing on my head!" The judge banged his gavel, looked at him and said, "60 days!... That should get you back on your feet..."
ReplyDeleteCLASSIC!!!
DeleteMy old friend Teddy got nailed for punching a guy and the judge fined him 150 bucks. Teddy looked at the victim and said if I give you another $150, can I punch him again? Judge was not amused and fined him $300 for contempt.
ReplyDeleteStill. Dog Clymer had to feel good about it. The money and the time had to be less frustrating than a judge relying too heavily on his armed order keeper. --nines
ReplyDeleteIt didn't bother Dog. He was doing a life sentence on the installment plan and County Jail was just a vacation for him.
DeleteHe ended up dying in prison about 10 years later.
Some of the incidents Joseph Wambaugh relates in his novels have the ring of truth from his days on the street:
ReplyDeleteIn Night Court, the judge rapped his gavel and fined a pimp several hundred dollars. Pimp pulled his roll out and said, "Sheeit, judge, I got that much right here in my pocket!"
Judge rapped his gavel again and said, "Reach in your other pocket and give me thirty days!"
While unrelated, this is my favorite of them:
Tyrone picked up Shareka from the neighborhood one night, had a few beers together, and she seemed amenable to some horizontal recreation. Tyrone decided that he wasn't waiting around for her to decide on "yes" so he pulled a knife and attempted to rape her.
Other details aside, the matter went to court. Shareka is being questioned by the prosecutor, who asks, "Did the defendant reach completion during his attack?" Shareka looked puzzled and replied, "Suh?" The prosecutor said, "Did he have a climax?"
She brightened up and said, "Oh. Naw, suh. He be drivin' a Ford Fairlane!"