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Friday, August 05, 2022

This is why we can't have nice things

A two bedroom, three bathroom single family home has been placed on the market in Portland’s Southeast neighborhood for $330,000.

There’s a catch though. The buyer that ultimately ends up purchasing the home will be tasked with removing squatters that have taken over the property.

The home, placed for sale on Realtor.com, features photos only of the outside of the house, which sits at 5256 SE Flavel St. These exterior photos show copious amounts of trash strewn around the backyard, as well as numerous broken cars in the driveway.

"Unfortunately there are squatters on the property and seller does not have resources to remove them and is willing to negotiate the price for a buyer to take the risk of closing," the house’s listing reads on Realtor.com.
-Kent

26 comments:

  1. They voted for dicksuck pricknose rumpranger wheeler. No sympathy here.

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  2. $330k? You could not even purchase a condemned trailer for that little in my former hometown on Long Island. A house in, say, Huntington, would be snapped up in an afternoon at that price, no matter who or what was squatting there. MS-13 drug cartel, Taliban, Cthulhu, don't matter. Real estate in today's top markets bear no relation whatsoever to the actual worth of the dirt it is sitting atop. This is tulip mania, 2022 reboot.

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    Replies
    1. That's a bargain price in Portland.

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  3. Hmmmm how to get rid of strangers....Flammenwurfer or projectiles? Problems , problems, decisions......

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    1. Yeah, I know a few scary looking boys that own tire irons and like to freelance. I'm quite certain I can solve your problem in the next 24 hours for the right price.

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    2. Gas doesn’t do as much property damage
      JFM

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  4. Since the police dont show up...The home owners may have to form a vigalante group and go house to house. Hog tie them for a week while the houses get some repair and deposit them 20 miles down the road. Sad but it would take some stupidity.....

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    Replies
    1. Since the police won't show up hire a biker gang.

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  5. Throw a bag of fentanyl in there...geez do I have to do all yhr work?

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  6. Accidental house fire(s). Such a shame.

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  7. You and five of your closest buddies loaded for bear go in with night vision at 2AM. Kill everything that isn't part of your team. Bonus points if the squatters were using drugs...vacate the area toute de suite using pre-determined egress routes. Next day Eye Team News is telling the story of a drug deal gone bad. Win-win for every one involved--including the recently deceased--they don't have to live like animals anymore.

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  8. Tel then if they don't walk out they will be carried out. Does not matter what happens as they will be dead.

    Paul B

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  9. Squatters vs squatters.
    Owner - Be a better squatter.
    Kick the door down and show them you don't need the injustice system's help. Dominate.

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  10. A former chief jailer in a bigger than moderate Southern town sometimes kept the peace by reminding prisoners, "I can make three phone calls and have this place levelled in 30 minutes." He maintained contacts with people who had done just that to villages in SE Asia. Squatters? Mission requires two or three belt-fed weapons.

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  11. That area of town is a little too close to felony flats for my taste.

    Heh, who am I kidding. The entire city is fubar.

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  12. Easy solution- buy some heroin, throw it in, and come back in 45 minutes. Chain any squatters to a handy truck bumper and road haul them until there's nothing left but a shiny pelvis.

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  13. A bidenville inside a house?
    Or in honor of the ex-prez 'obidenville'?

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  14. I like the Fentanyl toss the best!!!

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  15. We had a rental house where the people would not leave. It was dead winter. We removed the doors and windows. I sat in my truck with my AR-15 clearly visible. When they returned, said they were going to call the sheriff. Pulled my cell phone (very few people had cell phones then)
    and called my friend the sheriff. Deputy arrived in ten minutes and supervised their packing and departure! House was destroyed but at least they were gone!

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  16. I'd pay about $330 for the shit hole and provide myself endless entertainment ridding the property of vermin.

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  17. Does this house have fire insurance? Tomorrow's headline:
    "Squatters accidentally burn down house with cooking fire. The owner is entitled to $400K insurance payment."
    Then just don't rebuild with the insurance settlement. Personal experience: Arson is a crime where it is easy to prove that a fire was intentionally set. Nearly impossible to prove WHO set it. Especially in a case like this.

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  18. For the non-violent approach: US Army gas masks for you and five friends, about two dozen cans of the strongest bear spray you can get, enough rope to drag out the ones who haven't run out screaming. Job done.

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  19. (Old Tech) You have purchased a property. Therefore, set fire to the house and build new. If the squatters didn't figure out they should have left, then they will be carted out with the ashes.
    Any Libs that complain, just ask them why they never invited the squatters into their own home.

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  20. this is what they voted for and this is what they can keep. Keep the hell out of my red state. I will be just as much as a thorn in your side as those meth ragers.

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