Animal control specialists are now going door-to-door on a mission to verify and help update pet owners’ dog licenses.
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This isn't anything new for Stanislaus County, matter of fact it's how Legal Lucy earned her name.
Back in August of 2013, Cousin Donnie, who was a righteous outlaw biker, decided to fuck up a pleasant summer evening by T-boning a pickup truck at a high rate of speed, crushing his wife and son's dreams as well as himself.
Donnie and Janice had 3 dogs - a mastiff, a pit, and Lucy the terrierist - and the poor woman was just overwhelmed with 3 dogs and a 5 year old given the recent circumstances, so she called and asked if we wanted Lucy.
About a month after we'd gotten the dog, Janice called. "Ken, I just had Animal Control beat on my door demanding to see Lucy's registration which expired last month, and they threatened me with a $500 fine if I don't register her within 5 days. I tried explaining to them I gave the dog away, but they didn't care. Can you please go down and register her and bring me a copy of the paperwork so I can tell them to fuck off when they come back?"
"Yeah, no sweat, Sis. I'll call in sick tomorrow and take care of it."
Really, it was no big deal - I thought. I already had taken her to Doc Krueger and had her checked out as well as getting all her shots. Should be an in and out deal, right?
Wrong. The very first thing they did was scan her for a chip which showed her owned by Donald Lewis. Then they told me I had to either have Donnie come down with me or bring in a fucking notarized statement saying he'd given her to me to prove I hadn't stolen the little mutt.
I scratched my head. "Kinda hard to do either," I said. "He's been dead for a month or so now."
"Then bring in a death certificate." Dude was dead serious, no pun intended.
I had to go home and call Janice, who was still in mourning, to ask her for her husband's death certificate. Not only that, but by the time I got back down to Animal Control, the office was closed which meant I had to call in from work another day, losing two days wages as well as the licensing fees.
Then when I called in to work again, the boss that answered told me because I was missing two days in a row, I had to bring in a doctor's note before I could come back. FUCK!!!
I made an appointment with Doc Warwick for later that day. When I went in, he asked me what my complaint was and I told him Animal Control and a dickwad boss.
"I'm sorry, what and what?"
"Fucking Animal Control, and a dickwad boss, Doc. I'm not joking." Then I ran the story down to him, and he shook his head, laughed, and wrote out my doctor's note.
So yeah, this shit ain't new and that how Lucy got the name Legal Lucy because she was now all legal and shit.
