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Thursday, December 14, 2023

Your Thursday Morning Florida Report

A judge has ordered a Florida Man to have no contact with his wife following his arrest for allegedly striking her in the face with a thrown sausage, records show.

7 comments:

  1. Well, I would get life without parole if he saw what I did with my "sausage".

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    1. That was the same place my mind went to at first. I wondered if the sausage was actually attached to the man, who tried to throw it into her mouth. Just to feed her, of course. I know, I know, go sit in the naughty corner.
      I have a padded chair there, thanks to my wife's response to my comments from the internet memes and such. I say she has no sense of humor. She says I have no sense of decency. Maybe we are both right.

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  2. That poor sausage. Come on, where is the passion for the real victim here.

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  3. Sausage? Without seeing the whole story, but getting a gander at the dude's face I'd have said the assault weapon was a pork chop.

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  4. From the Annals of Great Journalism -

    "During a “verbal altercation” Saturday afternoon, Ray Allen, 61, allegedly threw the sausage, presumably pork, at his spouse. “The said sausage struck [the 64-year-old victim] on the right side of the face”

    O.K., as far as it went, but was the 'presumably pork' sausage cooked or uncooked? The public wants to know.

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  5. Inquiring Minds want to know: Was he going for distance, accuracy, or impact energy?

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  6. If it's a blood sausage, then it's Lancastrian Martial Arts. Ecky-thump!

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