I want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for your messages of sympathy over the death of my mother.
Mom's obituary HERE
At last count, there were 343 comments and roughly 150 emails, all from readers here, and I read each and every one of them. I can't even begin to tell you how much they meant to me. In contrast, I got exactly two contacts from my blood family, one from my girl cousin in Missouri who was genuinely concerned about me, and the other from an uncle on my Dad's side who was just fishing for information which warrants a separate post a little later.
One of the emails really touched me, and I'm glad she finally found peace through my words.
Posted with her permission:
Dear Ken,
My Mother was never very fond of me, and she managed to instill that feeling in my brother and sister. No abuse, just constant denigration. The three of them were masters of the put-down. She passed more than 20 years ago.
You asked that we take the time to reflect on our Mothers. So, I did just that. I sat down on my porch at sunset on a chilly Texas night, I thought long and hard. At 66 years of age, I was finally able to accept it without an ounce, or even a gram, of bitterness. Between your prompt and the view below, I finally felt relief. Even my husband noticed the difference.
I offered up my thanks to your Mom. But I needed to thank you as well. With all my heart. You, and your Mom, made a difference.
With much appreciation,
-Anne.
Wow. You're very welcome, Anne. I'm glad it helped and I'm grateful you took a few minutes to let me know.
Again, thank you one and all. Words do matter.
Thank you for sharing my email, Ken. I hope your readers see that peace can be found. And again, thank you for helping me find mine.
ReplyDeleteMy mother-in-law had a similar experience growing up. She was the 5th of 9 children, and she was always on her mother's shitlist. Not always for any particular reason, either. She never approved of a thing MIL did. From her summer job, to her choice of husband, to having children at all (nevermind so many!), it wasn't appropriate. This state lasted until Grandma had a heart attack, and my mother-in-law, having been the head nurse on the cardiac floor for years at that point, went to be her live-in help for awhile.
ReplyDeleteGrandma was on anti-depressants as part of her pill regime for her heart (don't ask me why) and it completely changed her behavior - for the better. There were many tears shed, and a long awaited reconciliation that had stopped being expected decades ago actually happened.
Grandma didn't last long after her first heart attack. But it was long enough.
John G.
(MIL had 7 children, of which my wife is the oldest. They were all born in wedlock, and she's still married to the same husband. Which is more than can be said of some of her siblings! They're great people, even if she does still believe the media too much. (Which is to say, at all.))
We've had both an extended family stressor this season; an upset in the church; all the usual End of Year things plus just for spice: one furnace go and a microwave oven go out; and Winter is hear.. so I've not kept up well until looking in on this now. >>> My condolences about your Mother and THIS above was a great "handling" by a good family. Well Done & next year will be better.
ReplyDeleteyeah. about family. never saw greed like that until after my Mom died.
ReplyDeleteand people wonder why I moved to the hills of pa and have not spoken with my family in years. hate to say this, but my own damn kids are the same way. what's in it for them ?
again, sorry for your loss. I know how much my MOM matter to me.
anyway, I stay around helping them until after they both passed. then I left.
remember the good times you had. it what I do . dave in pa.
People, in all their folly and vice, maintain some undercurrent of beauty in their souls. It is a fine thing when that beauty finds the light of day.
ReplyDeleteWow, Ken. Your mom and my bride could have been twin sisters, they looked so much alike in their youth. Beautiful women.
ReplyDeleteThe obituary presents in detail a life well lived. R.I.P.
ReplyDeleteAnne's mother and mine were kindred spirits. Over the years I learned some of the reasons why she was the way she was and eventually came to terms with it, but it wasn't easy and took a long time. You parents out there would do well to consider the things you may lay on your children before it's too late, and may God richly bless those of you who truly do not need those words of encouragement.
Sorry about your mom. Just lost mine in August. Enjoy your website and your sense of humor!
ReplyDeleteWelcome back, I'm looking after my 82 yr old mom by myself (sister lives an hour away and can't be bothered.) It's a trial but your post reminded me to enjoy the time we have left. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI understand you pain. My mother is still alive but I have an evil sister who will make Mom's death hell as she will wipe out mother's bank accounts and contest the will. I am not looking forward to that day.
ReplyDeleteRemember the good times. Celebrate all that was good. Cherish her memory.
It is 2Am and I am in Southern Spain. I am here because my best friend in the military died of a massive stroke last Friday. I caught a hop from Charleston to Spain and a couple of trains to get here. My retirement flag will drape the coffin tomorrow at the funeral. The in-laws have treated me like royalty. The Spanish are very honor driven. The world is a lesser place with the loss of your mother and my buddy.
T2
Kenny, I tried to leave you a reply to the post last week. I did not see it. Anyway, I wanted you to know that I was thinking about you during your grief. Stay strong brother!
ReplyDeleteTom762
Be at ease. It doesn’t get less painful but you learn how to continue on knowing you carry forth that legacy, good bad or indifferent, yours to carry forward as you see fit
ReplyDeleteMy deepest condolences about the loss of your mother; the loss of mine affected me much more than the loss of my Dad.
ReplyDeleteI've been handling a family crisis, or I would have responded sooner, to you original post even.
Kenny,
ReplyDeleteI was given to the orphanage at birth. My adoptive parents were an alcoholic, and a philanderer. I raised myself.
So-I enjoy reading about good parents, who loved their children, and were loved in return-it's a reminder that our pains are miniscule, and that God sends his love to all of us, regardless if we deserve it.
I'm glad you had a mom and dad worth eulogizing, and I'm truly sorry for your loss.
That was a heartfelt reflection and a wonderful reply to you! You have some seriously great readers of this site, Kenny! Myself not included. Thanks again for all you do and know that you and your mom are in my prayers from now on.
ReplyDeleteKen, I lost my parents over 20 years ago. Four of us kids, two youngest flew the coup, life and families unfortunately happen. What I remember most was one of my friends growing up, female, when she lost her father. Her mother had passed, both of my parents were gone. I was with her and high school friends the night before the funeral. I told her something that we all should realize, she was now an orphan. Sounds weird, but when you put it in perspective, who do you have to go to without a parent? She actually mentioned it the next day at the funeral, pointing out the fact I was the one who told her that.
ReplyDeleteReceive this as one will, but when you continue on in life, Mom and Dad aren't there anymore. So siblings will be who they are, and we can live a life without the noise they create. Bless you Ken....
GB
I was never very close to my younger brother as he was extremely manipulative and an all-around weasel. When mom passed in 2019, I notified him (by text) to meet me at the funeral home in hopes that we could "come together" and take care of the matters at hand. 5 minutes into the meeting and still playing his usual role of "Mr. Badass" he threatened to beat my ass in the parking lot. Needless to say, I haven't had any contact with him since. Mom left everything to me as her executor and I had hoped to share half of it with him (a sizeable estate) but Kenny's right. Words DO matter, good or bad.
ReplyDelete- Name redacted
My sainted mother died at 92 years of age in 2025. As they say, "I'd give just about anything to spend just 5 more minutes with my mom."
ReplyDeleteI did call my mom, we had a pleasant conversation...
ReplyDeleteI may need to retire and move closer to take care of her.