Friday, June 11, 2010

Never piss off a redneck

Okay, I'm sitting here in my BassPro camouflage easy chair watching Fox News with my front door open and the lesbian couple across the street are pissing me the fuck off.
Not because they're gay - I'm from Kalifornia, remember? - but because they are assaulting my senses with 70s disco. Disco? I didn't even like that shit in the 70s.
I went over and politely (really) asked them if they would kindly turn it down. Apparently they have a party scheduled later and have started drinking a little early. They did agree and did turn it down for about 20 minutes. Then it crept back up to it's original level of disturbing.
All right, Motherfuckers. It's on now.
Tonight your party guests are get serenaded by coyote howls, dying rabbit screams and coon squalls.

Another way of looking at it

You know, I have to say that I am in complete and total support of immigration. Legal immigration. It made our Great Country what it is today - a wonderful mixture of cultures.
If you've come to this country legally I will help you in any way I can.
Hey, I'll welcome you to my neighborhood, keep an eye on your house while you're gone, invite you over for a potluck, tell you when my employer is hiring, the whole works.
If you're here illegally, fuck off. In my mind you are are a criminal that broke laws just getting here. I ain't supporting your ass, I'm not tolerating your presence, I will do everything I can to make you feel like the intruder that you are.
Go back to China, Mexico, El Salvador, Canada, Egypt, India, wherever you came from.

This was written by a Mexican who is now a naturalized US Citizen, and I think it's a great explanation of the illegal immigration issue.
Here is the quote:

"If you had tickets to a sports event, concert, Disneyland, or for an airline flight, and when you got to your assigned seat you found someone else was in that seat, what would you do?
You would call for a person in charge of ticket checking and have the person in your seat removed.
You would properly be asked to show your ticket, and you would gladly and proudly do so, for you have bought and paid for that seat.
The person in your seat would also be asked for a ticket, which they would not be able to produce.
They would be called "gate crashers" and they would properly be removed.
Now in this huge stadium called the USA we have had millions of gate crashers.
We have been asking security to check for tickets and remove the gate crashers.
We have been asking security to have better controls in checking at the door.
We have asked security to lock the back doors. Security has failed us.
They are still looking the other way. They are afraid to ask to see the tickets.
Many people say there is unlimited seating, and whether there is or not, no one should be allowed in for free while the rest of us pay full price!
In "section AZ", of "Stadium USA", we have had enough of the failures of Security.
We have decided to do our own ticket checking, and properly remove those who do not have tickets.
Now it seems very strange to me that so many people in the other 49 "sections", and even many in our own "section" do not want tickets checked, or even to be asked to show their ticket! Even the head of Security is chastising us, while not doing his own job which he has sworn to do.
My own ticket has been bought and paid for, so I am proudly going to show it when asked to do so.
I have a right to my seat, and I want the gate crashers to be asked to show their tickets too.
The only reason that I can imagine anyone objecting to being asked for their ticket is that they are in favor of gate crashing, and all of the illegal activities that go with it, such as drug smuggling, gang wars, murder, human smuggling for profit, and many more illegal and inhumane acts that we are trying to prevent with our new legislation.
Is that what I am hearing from all of the protestors such as Phoenix Mayor Gordon, US Rep. Grijalva, even President Obama?
If you are not in favor of showing tickets, (proof of citizenship, passport, green card, or other legal document) when asked, as I would do proudly, then you must be condoning those illegal activities."
Written by a US Citizen, Globe, Arizona.

Thanks to Stevienatt

Thursday, June 10, 2010

I hate that dog

I went into my garage tonight for the first couple of weeks and was amazed at the wreckage CharlieGodammit had wreaked. My 30 gallon air compressor was on its' side, my Kennedy toolbox was off the bench, my cut-off saw was destroyed, both of my welders were on the other side of the garage and my chainsaw case was chewed to pieces.
"Let's see how tough you really are, motherfucker", I said as I opened what was left of the chainsaw case as I prepared to fire up the saw and scare the shit out of him.
What I saw chilled me to the bone. He chewed the chain in half. Chainsaw chains are made of steel. God help me. Please.
In addition to putting a dog box in my truck, I'm also bricking up the hole in my garage this weekend.

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Talk about ironic....

Take a good look at the logo at the top of the pump.

I may have forgotten... mention that the recipe that I posted for my Badass Pepper Steak yesterday will blow your butt-plug out during kinky sex.
Proceed with caution.

Once again, we're to blame

What this article doesn't say is that Mexican authorities are claiming that the boy was shot on the Mexican side of the river and that a 40 caliber casing was found near his body. Further into the article below is a statement that a Mexican soldier crossed the river and picked up an unidentified object, probably the case. Also, according to my local paper ( there is video that shows that the US Border Patrol was on the US side of the river.
Perhaps El Presidente should chip in and help keep his citizens out of our country if he's so damned concerned about their safety and rights.
What about OUR safety and rights?

From Fox News
The 15-year-old Mexican boy who was shot dead by a Border Patrol agent as U.S. authorities came under attack along the border Tuesday was known to authorities as a juvenile smuggler, sources close to the investigation told Fox News.
Sergio Adrian Hernandez Huereka was shot once near the eye as U.S. Border Patrol agents on bicycles were "assaulted with rocks" as they tried to detain illegal immigrants on the Texas side of the Rio Grande.
Huereka was charged with alien smuggling in 2009, according to sources who requested anonymity. Further details were not immediately available.
"He is a known juvenile smuggler," a source told Fox News. He was also on a "most wanted" list of juvenile smugglers compiled by U.S. authorities in the El Paso area, sources said.
Heureka's death marked the second time a Mexican citizen has been killed by a U.S. Border Patrol agent in as many weeks, stoking tensions along the border between the nations.
Roughly 30 relatives and friends gathered late Tuesday to mourn the boy, who died on the Mexican side of the river.
"Damn them! Damn them!" the boy's sister, Rosario Hernandez, sobbed at a wake in the family's two-room adobe house on the outskirts of Ciudad Juarez.
"There is a God, so why would I want vengeance if no one will return him to me. They killed my little boy and the only thing I ask is for the law" to be applied, said the boy's father, Jesus Hernandez.
His mother was less hopeful. "May God forgive them because I know nothing will happen" to them," Maria Guadalupe Huereka said.
Border Patrol Special Operations Supervisor Ramiro Cordero said preliminary reports indicate that U.S. officers on bicycle patrol were "assaulted with rocks" by an unknown number of people before Herueka was shot.
"During the assault at least one agent discharged his firearm," Cordero said. "The agent is currently on administrative leave. A thorough, multi-agency investigation is currently ongoing."
A U.S. official told the Associated Press that video of the incident shows the Border Patrol agent did not enter Mexico.
The unidentified official said the video also shows what seem to be four Mexican law enforcement officers driving to the edge of the muddy bed of the Rio Grande, walking across to the U.S. side, picking up an undetermined object and returning to Mexico near the area where the boy's body lay. Like their U.S. counterparts, Mexican law officers are not authorized to cross the border without permission.
A Mexican migrant, Anastasio Hernandez, 32, died less than two weeks ago after a U.S. Customs and Border Protection officer shocked him with a stun gun at the San Ysidro border crossing, which separates San Diego and Tijuana, Mexico. The San Diego medical examiner's office ruled that death a homicide.
Mexican President Felipe Calderon said Tuesday that his government "will use all resources available to protect the rights of Mexican migrants."
The government "reiterates its rejection to the disproportionate use of force on the part on U.S. authorities on the border with Mexico," the president added in a statement.

Travels with CharlieGodammit

I got in from wherever a couple of Saturdays ago, opened the back door and kicked back in my easy chair, ready to call it a day at 9 AM. CharlieGodammit wasn't having any of that though. He wandered back to the mud porch and got his leash, then brought it in and dropped it at my feet, looking at me with those big brown eyes that most normal people with normal dogs would interpet as "Please? Can we go to the dog park so I can run and play with my doggie friends?
Normal being the operative word here. What he was really saying was "Hey. Motherfucker that feeds me. Either we go to the dog park so I can piss everywhere and burn off some of this energy or my backyard is going to look like a battlefield next time you come home."
So I load him in the cab of my truck because I've yet to put a dog box in the back.
We're driving to the park and he's stretched out the entire length of the seat with his head in my lap, howling. I'm scratching his chest, trying to keep him down, and he stretches real big. His right front paw comes up and taps the horn.
He quits howling, his head pops up and he gives me a What the fuck was that look.
Oh no.
He taps the horn again.
And again.
Beep beep.
Charlie: "Hey! Check this shit out!"
Me: "Quit, Godammit!"
Charlie: "Fuck you!" Beep beep beep beepbeepbeepbeeeeeeeep.
Charlie: "This is fucking cooler than shit, Guy That Feeds Me! (beep beep) Why didn't you turn me onto this before?" Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
So now anytime we go anywhere, everybody around me is pissed off because I'm honking at them. And of course it's me honking because they can't see CharlieGodammit - he's laying down pushing the horn.
So this weekend I'm putting a dog box in the back of my truck.

Bring out the dogs



I walked into the shipping office first thing yesterday morning, picked up my paperwork, walked over to my boss, shoved my fingers under his nose and asked "Does this smell like ass to you?"

Well, he didn't need to be so offended. It's not just anybody I let smell my scratchin' fingers.

Wirecutter's Badass Pepper Steak

Okay, you gotta keep in mind that this recipe is not exact and can be altered to suit your taste. I'm giving it to you the way I cook it.

Prep time: 30 minutes
Cooking time - 1-2 hours
Serves 4

First and foremost - a 12 pack of beer.
1 pound of lean meat - venison or buffalo is best but a great substitute is stir-fry meat. But it's gotta be lean.
5-6 Jalapeno peppers (milder peppers if you prefer)
1 medium sized Red Onion
1 Bell Pepper
1 clove of Garlic
1 can of diced tomatoes
1 27oz can of Hot Tomato Sauce
Crushed Red Pepper
3 Bay Leaves

Prep time: 30 minutes
Cooking time - 1-2 hours
Serves 4

Okay. Crack open a beer and get to work.
Cut the meat into strips about 1/4" thick, a couple of inches long and about 1/2" wide unless you're using stir fry. If you are, leave it the fuck alone.
Coat the bottom of a big-ass frying pan with Olive oil.
Dice 1/2 of the onion, slice the other half. Set aside.
Slice the Bell Pepper into strips. Set aside.
Slice the Jalapenos into rings. Set aside.
Slice the garlic into paper thin slices and put it into the heated olive oil, cooking it until it melts into the oil.
Next come the onions. Dump them into the pan, stirring or flipping constantly until they are caramelized - that means browned for all you Okies out there.
Dump in the meat and both types of peppers. Braise the meat. Keep stirring or flipping.
Remove from the heat and drain (not strain) the liquid that may have accumulated. DO NOT RINSE! Return to the stove.
Add the can of hot tomato sauce and diced tomatoes. Don't forget the bay leaves.
Reduce heat to a simmer. Leave uncovered.
Now the hard part is done. Let it simmer for about 5 beers, stirring after every beer. After the second beer, check the spiciness. If you want it hotter, throw in a level palm full of crushed red pepper. That'll light your ass up for sure.
Be sure to keep an eye on the sauce. You don't want it to get too thick right at first. If it does, turn the heat down just a tad and add a little beer. You actually want it kinda sorta thin until the meat is cooked. Keep adding beer to keep it watery for a while. You want everything to cook into the meat.
After 4 or 5 beers (or an hour or so) let the shit cook down and thicken up. You want the sauce to be just about the same consistency of ketchup, maybe a little thinner. When it hits that point, you're fucking done.

Ladle over rice, mashed potatoes or baked potato or do like I do. Eat it out of a bowl, spooning it into pieces of a flour tortilla.

Monday, June 07, 2010

Arizona Motorcycle Seat

From Longrooffan

Do your duty

Tomorrow is the Primary Elections for the State of Kalifornia and 7 or 8 others. If you live in one of those states, please remember to get out and vote.
As a matter of fact, go the extra mile and vote twice.

Sunday, June 06, 2010

Ol' Yeller

I just watched 'Ol Yeller for about the 40th time. I cried like a little bitch for about the...... 40th time.
What can I say?