Saturday, September 18, 2010

Sharia Law

Good Morning!

Oh, happy fucking day!

That'll work

The people of Michigan and New York need to take a lesson from the Spanish. In Spain, at Sevilla, local people found a way to stop the construction of a mosque in their town. They buried a pig on the site, making sure this would be known by the local press. The Islamic rule forbid the erecting of a Mosque on "pig soiled ground". The moslems had to cancel the project.. this land was sold to them by government officials. No protests were needed by the local people... and It worked !!!


A few months ago I was talking to one of the guys that I buy coyote calls from and bemoaning the fact the my hunting is limited due to the fact that it's all private property around here. I gotta travel at least an hour and a half to shoot public land.
He gave me some advice that worked for him. Get some business cards made up, make up some nice letters and mail them out to all the local ranchers offering my services as a predator control hunter. Hey, you send out 250 cards and get 2 places to shoot, it's worth it.

I went whole hog. I ordered tailgate magnets too that I rock during the weekend or when I'm driving out in the country.
Yes, I blurred out the number. Don't need Mikey to start calling me in the middle of the night.
Okay. I have gotten a couple of nibbles from ranchers, saying they want me to call them come lambing and calving season.
So yesterday I get a call from an unfamiliar number. I answer it.
'Is this Lanes' Predator Control?"
"Yes, it is, ma'am. Can I help you?"
"You're a murderer, how can you live with yourself slaughtering those magnificent animals?"

Fucking wonderful. A PETA-phile.......

"Lady, there isn't a thing I can say that will make you understand the services I offer. However, if you'll give me your email address I will gladly send you some photos of 16 lambs killed by a single coyote in one night."
"You're a killer. I'm giving your number to the Humane Society and PETA."
I should've hung up but I had already had a few.
"Don't do that. You fucked up and called from an unblocked number. If I get one call from your buddies, I'm calling you back with a recording of me killing one one of those magnificent animals. Do you really want to piss off somebody that is perfectly happy when he's killing shit in the middle of the night?"
End of conversation. I thought.
Okay. Last night my buddy Phil called and we did our usual weekend thing - talking gun shit on the phone and drinking beer together long distance. I was fucking tanked when we got done.
I'm getting ready to crash and my phone rings again. I figured it was Phil or his sweetie calling back so I answered without looking at the Caller ID.
It was PETA-phile. And she was drunk too.
"I'm sorry, but I cannot (burp) let this go. You are dithpicable and I hope you die painlessly."
I wasn't as drunk as she was. I'm pretty sure she meant painfully.
I went over to my Call Wall and got Dogbreaths' squeaker call. It makes an outrageous ki-yi sound if you work it right - you know the ike-ike-ike-ike sound a dog makes when you back over its' leg with your pickup?
CharlieGodammit came wandering in from the bedroom wondering what the fuck was going on. I slammed my open hand on the table and started yelping that call. Charlie, who's used to me practicing my calls inside the house, yawned and farted and went back to bed.
I was ky-yi-ing away and could hear PETA-phile going fucking berserk.
"You fucking made me do that. Goddamn you! I just killed my puppy..... Oh my God, what I have I done? Oh Sweetpea, I'm SO sorry! God, please forgive me....."
Haven't heard a word from her since.

And before any of you motherfuckers start talking shit that I did damage to our hunting heritage, kiss my ass. Her mind was already made up. There wasn't a thing I could do or say or do to change her mind.


Here's my pound puppy Chelsea. About 7 yrs old, loves to run, hunt, bite and eat my goddam screen doors! Love her though, very protective and great sense of humor. That's her latest kill.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Check back later.

I'm too fucking tired, drunk and lazy to post anything toinght.

Monday, September 13, 2010

It's coming, BHO

50 more days until the election.
I'm 51 years old and never in my entire life have I looked forward to an election as I am now. I did not even pay this much attention to the last presidential election. I mean, I knew who was gonna win that that and it wasn't my folks, but in 50 motherfucking days, we're gonna watch the Obamessiah fixing to take it in the ass.
Yeah. I'm taking the next day off work, I'm eating pork, shooting my guns off and emailing the White House to tell you to suck my wee-wee.
I'm also gonna tell Michelle to take off her boobie belt. It looks fucking stupid.

I missed another bet here

I watched "Pay it Forward" again last night. I don't know why I do that shit.
There's 2 scenes in that movie that fucks me every time and they're both right at the end.
The first one is where Mama finds out the boy didn't make it.
The second is the tribute where about a million people gather outside the home to remember Trevor.
Too bad I've never seen this movie with a new sweetie.
I guaranteed I'd get laid.

CharlieGodammit update

No, I didn't get CGD cut today. I called and the quickest they could do it was in 3 weeks. I told them I'd call back.
Okay, here's the story about him getting rolled by a cop car.
I had just came in from errands and noticed that my porch plants needed watering so I opened up the back door and window for a cross breeze, filled my watering jug and commenced to watering. I truly thought the front security door was latched but it wasn't. I saw CharlieGodammit out of the corner of my eye as he was slinking off the porch and hollered at him which is basically a green light for him and he hauled ass. Right into the street. Right in front of a cop car. I heard a screech, saw CGD go rolling, and I about fucking died on the spot.
Okay, I knew shit was going get tight so I unholstered and flipped my 45 on the couch (no sense in picking up extra charges, right?) and ran out. By the time I got off the porch CGD was up and on top of the hood of the cop car daring him to open the fucking door. He was pissed and wanted to know how big a boy that cop thought he was.
I started hollering "Don't shoot my dog, Don't shoot him! Let me get him."
The cop rolls down his window and says "Don't worry, Kenny. It's all good. But he's bleeding so hurry up."
Fuck me running. He used to live next door where my pyscho neighbor lives now. I can remember when this kid graduated from the police academy. Who says there ain't a God?
Mick offered to run him to the vet but I ended up taking him in.
Anyways. Charlie bit his tongue, 4 stitches, had no broken bones and nobody got shot. And I'm out $275 for an emergency vet bill.
And he's a bit sore today. I can understand that - I been run over before too.

Yeah, I don't know what the hell happened.

I was sitting here with my mail page open playing solitaire when I message from BillyBob pops up wanting to know if I deleted all the comments on my blog.
I log in and sure enough, about a weeks' worth are gone. That's fucked up.
I hadn't been on the blog all fucking day.
Weird, huh?
Yeah, I went through and changed my fucking password, tweaked my security options, scratched my nuts and went back to my game.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Charlie may survive

Me and CGD and Jamie all had a bad night last night. Me and Charlie reached an understanding, Jamie is still sending me fucked up emails and phone calls.
I'm calling Doc tomorrow and having him cut. There's room for only one dominant male in this household and do you wanna guess who that is? It ain't me that's gonna be looking at my balls in a mason jar every night.

Leave it alone, Girl

You wouldn't dare. I've seen how much you love your dog.
- Jamielynn

You wanna bet? I'll kill him, skin him and give you his hide. He snarled at me.
Stay away from this. It's something you don't (and won't) understand. I know you like him but I'm the boss here. He's a fucking animal, nothing more, nothing less.
Seriously. Stay away from this. He pissed me off. If he lives or dies, it's his choice.
I don't want a vicious dog determining my place in life.
Goodbye, Jamie.