Saturday, October 02, 2010

Good morning!


Unfortunately, my 13 yr old baby got ill Wednesday morning and I had to put her down Friday morning.  Man, I miss her. 
Maybe Punkindog will show her around doggie heaven.

I'm sure they're up there chasing Evil Cats together right now.
My heartfelt sympathies.....

If he had his way

Thanks, Rick!


Down in Lafourche Parish, Louisiana, Boudreaux gets a job with BP helping with the cleanup of the oil spill. He reports for work and is told to speak to a supervisor about his assignment.
He finds the man and asks, "What it is I supposed to do?"
The supervisor tells him. "Go to the animal shelter and clean the pelicans."
Two hours later, Boudreaux comes back to the supervisor and says, "Okay, dey all cleaned. You want me to cook some rice now?"

Thanks, Tom. I almost choked on my crawdad and shrimp boilins there.


I am perplexed that so many of my friends are against a mosque being built near Ground Zero. I think it should be the goal of every American to be tolerant. The mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance.
That is why I also propose, that two gay nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque thereby promoting tolerance within the mosque. We could call the clubs “The Turban Cowboy” and “You Mecca Me So Hot”.
Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork and have an open barbeque with spare ribs as its daily special. Across the street a very daring lingerie store called “Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret” with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods.
Next door to the lingerie shop, there would be room for an Adult Toy Shop (Koranal Knowledge?), its name in flashing neon lights, and on the other side a liquor store, maybe call it “Morehammered”?
Thanks to Skeeter from

That's why I read the comments too

I got this via email from a reader that didn't leave his name. Thanks, though. It would've been better had he used a Smartcar instead of an AK copy.

A comment on an article written by a professor at UT about the recent suicide by madman there.

Article written by a UT Professor.  I found the link on another forum. One of the comments there was, "What would the author's response be if someone replaced 'AK-47' in the second to last paragraph with 'Prius' ". The fastest response team in the world couldn't have gotten there before the Prius madman had run over dozens of students. [/quote]
Indeed. Someone got it, One down, and only infinity left to go.
stay safe.

Political quote of the month

“We have serious enemies and growing threats throughout the world.  Unfortunately, we have an administration whose idea of a rogue state is Arizona.”
-Mitt Romney

Names can be everything


US to issue a travel advisary for Europe

I gotta tell you, it's kinda hard to travel in Europe and stay away from transportation hubs seeing as you pretty much need to use them to get to the tourist sites and other places you shouldn't go to.
So basically we've got a small bunch of unbathed, uneducated, underfed religious zealots holding the entire world hostage.

By EILEEN SULLIVAN and MATT LEE, Associated Press Writers Eileen Sullivan And Matt Lee, Associated Press Writers

WASHINGTON – The Associated Press has learned the Obama administration is considering a broad warning for U.S. citizens to avoid public places in Europe due to new al-Qaida threats.
Such a move could have significant implications for European tourism.
U.S. officials told the AP on Saturday that the State Department may issue a travel warning as early as Sunday advising Americans to stay away from European tourist sites, transportation hubs and other facilities  for Europe because of new threat information.
State Department spokesman P.J. Crowley declined to comment on the matter. But he said the administration remains focused on al-Qaida threats to U.S. interests and will take appropriate steps to protect Americans.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

How does a family get picked for an Obama backyard chat?

You wanna come to my backyard, motherfucker? I'll be exercising my 2nd Amendment Rights, serving nothing but pork and inviting Woody.
I guarantee you'll never come back again, bitch.

How does a family get picked for an Obama backyard chat? A nice yard helps.
By Holly Bailey

In recent weeks, President Obama has stepped out from behind the podium and taken his message on the economy to backyards around the country. He turns up at these gatherings in shirtsleeves and no tie to field questions from average American citizens.
It's a move aimed in part at reviving the president's dismal poll numbers, which now show that most of the country disapproves of Obama's job performance and believes him to be out of touch with its economic problems.
But do you ever wonder how the White House chooses where the president will go?
It's not random. So far, the White House has chosen backyards in swing states that not only will be the chief political battleground in 2010 but also will probably play a big role in 2012, including Iowa, Ohio, New Mexico and Virginia.
According to administration officials, advance teams pick a place and then begin scouting for families, sometimes based on recommendations of Obama allies.
Last week, John and Sandy Clubb of Beaverdale, Iowa, received a phone call from a White House staffer informing them they were one of seven families being considered to host Obama's trip Wednesday to Des Moines.
The Clubbs told CNN's Suzanne Malveaux that they were mystified at how they made the list. While both are registered Democrats and had supported Obama in '08, neither had actively campaigned for the president.
Maybe it was because they both work in education: Sandy is the athletic director at Drake University, while John is a former firefighter who now teaches social studies and religion at Holy Trinity Catholic School.
In the end, though, the deciding factor appears to have been how the Clubbs' house looked on camera. "It all came down to your backyard," Sandy Clubb says a White House staffer told her.

Skeeters' dogs

Elmo and Betty Lou.
I'm willing to bet that Skeeter hunts these hounds judging by the fact that they're kept in a pen rather than a living room. Right on, Brother. Send me some pictures of the game they've trailed. I'll post that too.

It's his night to howl

So I changed the batteries in the only electronic howler I own and test it out only to hear this howl from the other side of the room. Yes, I had a camera handy and caught this for you.
He's so fucking doped up he can't even lift his head but he can damned sure respond to that fawn bleating and a coyote howling.

They ain't heard nothing yet

So CharlieGodammit's home and seriously fucked up. I mean it - he's laid out flat on his back in the middle of the living room floor, tongue hanging out, incoherent and urinating on himself.
Kinda sorta reminds me of myself on a good Saturday night.
The funny thing is that every great once in a while he'll wake up and try to lick and chew his stitches which causes me to yell "No! No Godammit, NO LICKEE DICKEE!!!" at the top of my lungs.
You got wonder what the new neighbors are thinking......

Now how cool is that?

No shit, a Busch Tall Boy in Realtree camouflage!
I'd heard about this before but it's the first time I've seen one.

Nut-cuttin' and buryin'

Well, it's been one of those days and it ain't but half done with yet. Not an exceptional bad day, but it could've gone better.

CharlieGodammit had to be at the vets' by 7 AM for his nut-cuttin' so I was up by 5 so I could shower, shave, drink coffee and fuck with him about it. He knew something was up and kept his distance, though.
I loaded him up and headed to Empire which is where my new vet is located. Now yesterday when drove past the Empire fire station the trucks came rolling out with sirens blaring and CGD just had to get in on that, so he howled the rest of the way to the vets' office.
Today as we roll past the firehouse, he starts howling again even though there wasn't a truck in sight. That shit was funnier than hell and if he makes a habit of it I'll get a video of it to post.
Anyways, I get him into the office and I explain how LadyDoc is fixing to take his manhood away but not to worry - my ex took mine away and it eventually came back.
I gotta pick him back up at 4 PM.

I go back home, change clothes and head back out to Empire again to bury my Grandpa Bud.
As I pull into the graveyard chapels' parking lot, my phone goes off. It's my little brother and he tells me to stay in the truck and he'd be right out. So I wait for him.
When he gets to the truck he looks in the bed, sticks his head in the cab and sniffs, then calls somebody.
"No, he's cool. Not in camouflage, nothing dead in the bed and don't smell like livestock."
"Can I go in now, motherfucker?"
"Yes, Mom cleared you."
Cleared me? Fucking cleared me???
So I wander into the chapel, give Mom a dirty look and shoot Dad the finger. He shrugs and fires one back at me and grins.
I'm sitting about halfway back, with various family members when the service starts. All in all it wasn't bad - Okie preacher, Okie relatives, Okie music, Okie corpse. I felt at home.
At one point the preacher mentioned something about Buds' temper and how it was his way or the highway and that got a laugh as well as a couple of Amens, a Hell Yeah, and a Fuckin' A from somewhere behind me.
And they had a slideshow with about a million pictures of him throughout his life. I gotta admit, there were some badass pictures - him picking in the fields when he was 10 or 12, driving trucks back in the 50s, lots of family, shit like that. I'll post some of them when I get my copy of the DVD.
After the indoor service we headed to the grave for his military honors. Mom had asked me if I wanted to be a pallbearer and I refused. He had enough grandsons that I could pass on that. But when my little brother walked by he asked "How did you get out of this shit?"
I just smiled and told him "I don't own a white shirt."
Truth be known, I carried enough fucking coffins already. Now that I'm old I can always use a bad knee/hip/back as an excuse.
One more thing - when the honor guard gave him his 21 gun salute I started laughing, poked my uncle and told him that old habits die hard. As soon as the detail was dismissed, they immediately started policing their brass.

Okay. I gotta go pay my monthly ransom to my ex before she starts calling and threatening me, then a little housework and then I got to drive back out to Empire yet again (it's a 20 mile round trip) to get my de-nutted dog. Not to mention some shopping and cooking. I'll be lucky enough if I have time to drink any beer tonight.

Hope your day goes better.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

There's gonna be a nut-cuttin' tomorrow

And it ain't gonna be mine.
CharlieGodammit scraped his nutsack somehow a couple of days ago and it got infected. I took him into the vet and we agreed we might as well cut him, and as long as he's out, take his dew claws too.
He's none too happy about the situation, either.

27 days later

and Ronning Arms Corporation is closed and it looks to me like for good.
The BATF closed down the only indoor range in town, put several people out of work and shut down a business in an area where unemployment hit 20% last year.
Good going, guys.

Your morning laugh

In 1872 the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat’s lower intestine.
In 1873 the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
David posted this on my FB page. I'm still cleaning coffee off the ceiling.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Yeah, I'd have killed myself before puberty

Everyone seems to wonder why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide.

Let’s have a close look at the evidence:
- No Christmas
- No television
- No nude women
- No football
- No pork chops
- No hotdogs
- No burgers
- No beer
- Rags for clothes
- Towels for hats
- Constant wailing from some prick in a tower
- More than one wife
- More than one mother in law
- You can't shave
- Your wife can't shave
- You can't wash off the smell of donkey
- You wipe your ass with your hand
- You cook over burning camel shit
- Your wife is picked by someone else
- Your wife smells worse than your donkey
Then they tell you that "when you die, it all gets better"
No shit Sherlock!......It's not like it could get much worse!!

Ol' Yeller or CGD or whatever....

CharlieGodammit kinda sorta loves homeless dudes. At least once a week I realize that I ain't finished drinking but I am entirely too drunk to drive - tonight was a good example.
So I leash him up, walk him to the 7-11 about 5 blocks away and pass by the bus stop where there's at least one motherfucker hanging out.
"Feel like earning a buck or two?" I ask.
"Doing what?"
"Watch my dog while I score some beer. His name is Ol' Yeller."
I go in, grab a 3 pack of Tall Boys, come out and collect my dog, slip the motherfucker a couple of bucks and explain that he growls at everybody and not trip, sorry he snapped at him, then wait for him to try and rip off my place while calling my dog "Ol' Yeller."

No more Tweekers

Cbullitt and Bella both hammered me on my last "Tweekers" post from 2 different directions, a classic pincers operation. Kinda sorta makes me wonder if they teamed up on me.
Bella mentioned a dear, dear friend that had passed away and cbullitt reminded me that we've all either been there ourselves or had close friends that have and it was time to drop that shit and celebrate those that are still living. Plus he wanted to see more titties.
You got it. No more of that shit unless they're doing something that makes you go "What the fuck.....?"
I've always said that I do this blog for me and not you, but I value both of these folks' thoughts.

Debbies' bear

260 pounds

Bud's a goner

Yeah, my Grandpa Bud finally decided to up and fucking die on us Friday. I was beginning to think the old fart was gonna live forever as many times as we've been called in to say our "last" goodbyes.
Matter of fact, I called in Friday so I could hunt the full moon Thursday night/Friday morning and was on my way back into town about 11 AM when I got the call from Dad.
"What's up?"
"Pop just died."
Huh? "What did you just say?"
"Bud just died.
"No fucking shit? Really?"
"No shit. Where you been? We've been trying to get ahold of you - called work, called the house and been trying to call your cell."
"I was in the hills shooting coyotes."
"Yeah? Do any good? Look, drop off your rifle and get your ass over to Aunt Sharons'. Your mama's there and needs you."

So I get over to Sharons' place and bigger than shit, the motherfucker was dead. Still lying there in his bed as a matter of fact and not looking too good, I might add.
Anyways, mama saw I was there, grabbed me and started bawling. I hold her for a minute then set her down on the couch and set for a minute with Bud.
Fuck, he really was dead......

His obit was in the paper today and it's in the post down below. I liked the part about him coming out here to The Promised Land back in the early 30s in a boxcar. What the obit didn't say was my great granny loaded him and his sisters and brothers in that boxcar and all came out here together looking for Buds' dad who had came out here first and was supposed to send for the family except that he got drunk and laid up with a loose woman.
And the part about him liking everybody? Only if you weren't black, indian, mexican, oriental, arab, jewish, eskimo, hindu european or especially a goddamyankee.


ELMER ALLEN WALLACE NOV 2,1925 - SEPT 24, 2010 Elmer BUD'' Wallace Jr. was born on Nov 2, 1925 in Gideon, Missouri and passed away Friday, September 24 at home with his family by his side. Bud was preceded in death by his wife, Audrey Horton Lewis Wallace, his parents Elmer Allen Wallace and Anna Lucille Berry Wallace Frields; two sisters, Barbara Farmer and Wanda Young ; 2 grand-daughters Barbara Lane and Christine Mathis and step-son Donald Lewis. Bud is survived by his daughters, Sharon Wallace Hogan of Modesto, Anna Lee Wallace Clements of Shasta, Calif., his son, Gary Allen Wallace and step-daughter Cleda Lewis Lane (Kirk) of Modesto. Other family members surviving are brother Charles Wallace (Arlola) of Illinois, sister Flora Bullock (Jack) of Sacramento ; sister Patricia Miller (Joe) of Oregon. He also leaves behind his long time companion, Nettie Palmer of Jamestown.
Bud came to California from Missouri as a young child in a boxcar with his mother and siblings in the early 30's and settled in the Sacramento area. He joined the Army during the Korean War. He was a fighter throughout his life. He battled spinal meningitis as a young man and he pulled through that illness by sheer will power. As he got older, he continued to fight for his life but this time his heart was his enemy. He had 3 heart bypasses and several stints'' in his heart. He was indeed a walking miracle his doctors said. Bud's employment in earlier years was scrapping metal. He also worked as a truck driver for 37 years for both John Inglis Frozen Foods and Putman Sand and Gravel. It was during that last time of employment that he suffered severe injury to his left leg that left him disabled. His hobbies were fishing, camping and bowling in earlier years. He never knew a stranger and was well liked by an ENORMOUS amount of people. He moved to Sonora 5 yrs ago and started awhole new realm of friends there. He had 12 grandchildren, 26 great-grandchildren and 5 great-great grand-children; several nieces, nephews and a numerous amount of friends that is impossible to be counted. Services will be at Lakewood Funeral Home, Hughson, California. Visitation will be Wednesday Sept. 29 from 4-8 p.m. and funeral services will be Thursday, Sept 30 at 10 a.m. Pastor Adrian Condit will officiate.

I know, it's been awhile.

My modem took a shit on me, just now got my new one up and running.