Saturday, April 16, 2011

Fun and games on a Saturday evening

Man, I needed a new thumb drive so a while ago I was headed to the Office Depot to get one and right when I'm slowing down to turn into the parking lot some stupid white motherfucker and his buddy with their hats turned sideways in a jap car turn in front of me from the left lane to go to Marias' Taqueria. I stand on my brakes and honk my horn, barely missing them. Seriously it was so close it blistered the paint on my truck.
As I'm pulling into the Office Depot I look in my rear view mirror and what do I see? A jap car with two stupid motherfuckers following me in. Great. Just what I wanted, a fucking hassle.
Hmmmm, what kind of weaponry do I use? My 45? Pepper spray? The bad-ass tomahawk I bought yesterday? The four foot length of 3/8" chain laying in my floorboard? My E-tool? So many choices......
I decided on the pepper spray for starters and finishing up with the 45 if needed.
I park and the jap car 69s up next to me. The driver rolls down his window and yells "YO! You got a problem, Dawg?"
Dawg? You just pissed me off. I ain't your fucking dawg, young man.
"Fuuuuck you, youngster."
He jumps out of the car and I blast him with a shot of pepper spray. As he's rolling on the ground cussing, his buddy throws down the blunt they were smoking and touches his door handle.
Aha, an act of aggression. I blast him through both open windows from 3 feet away, hitting him in the lower face. Cheap fucking "spray", shooting a stream instead of a spray. Oh, well.
The dumbass immediately rubs that shit right into his eyes.
"Man, what the fuck did you do that for? I wasn't going to do nothing!" He was sniveling big time.
"For having a poor choice of friends, son." I just grinned and pulled a few feet away and looked in the bed of my truck where CharlieGodammit was playing with a bug.
"What the fuck, asshole? Weren't you gonna take take of business, you worthless motherfucker?"
He just looked at me like Hey, you had it under control and pinned his beetle under his paw.
My thumb drive can wait until tomorrow.
Fucking kids, I swear......

18 comments:

TexasFred said...

You and Bushwack really need to come on over here and become gun toting Texans..

That asshole touches my door in Texas, he meets my best friends, 230gr Remington Golden Sabers...

I don't know what kind of .45 YOU carry, but I carry a Springfield XD-45 Tactical or, if I'm in a *lite* mood, a Springfield XD-40 SubCompact, and it's loaded well too, 180gr HydraShoks...

I'm too old to fight and too fat to run... :)

dhanna59 said...

Ken,
you gotta split with 50 bucks and get the CellPhone Stun Gun I turned you on to a while back. As much fun as you had callin a couple of lil pussies bluff, just think of the fun you coulda had with them two little shits floppin on the ground pissin their pants!!! The great part is when they start to come around and you talk to em, then stun em again!!! Then ice-pick his tires!!!

wirecutter said...

I carry a Colt Officers' Model, 1911, with 230 gr Black Talons, Fred. 220 pounds of fat ass and 51 years old...... I don't wanna fistfight anymore.

D, that's one of the reasons I bought that tomahawk - the backside is carbon, just made for punching tires.

dhanna59 said...

Damm, you fuckers are packin some serious punch!!! HOLY SHIT!!!
But I digress...nothin like alertin the neighborhood with a COLT's DRAGOON ! My god are you shootin horses? Or body armor?
Myself, I prefer 6-7 typewriter shots into a smileyface with9x18 fmj makarov with a lot less report.
Now, I know you guys are goin to take me apart on this, just go easy. I have used this in practicallity, not theory...

wirecutter said...

Knock 'em and drop 'em, D.
I figure if I gotta shoot I ain't worried about disturbing the neighbors.

AlanD said...

WireCutter, thank you for taking the time to give our wayward youth an education in proper driving etiquette. I am also close to your age and no longer relish pounding the truth onto miscreants. I also needed the reminder that I need to keep non-lethal weapons close at hand.

Sumbitchin kids deserved your lesson that not everyone will fall down to their intimidation.

rpm2day said...

Glad to hear you got to punk the punks. Shouldn't mess with a grouchy old guy! I carry Fox spray when I go out, had an opportunity to use it recently when some young dummy blocked my truck with his own on a dirt road and accused me of dumping.(I would never dump and normally pick up other's trash). I guess I talked him into going home with no harm done but Damn, had a pistol at the ready and spray in my hand and thinking, "way the hell out here, just us two, bring it on if you dare!"

rpm2day said...

@dhanna59

Love my Mak 9X18. Most accurate pistol I own. And I scored a box of JHP's at pre election prices!

Tattoo Jim said...

Somehow, I'm betting they're telling all the "dawg" friends how they kicked your ass before you sprayed 'em... next time, knock a knot right between their eyes... an old fashioned "hickory shampoo" so to speak....

rpm2day said...

Kinda liking Jim's idea.

PatAZ said...

Surely wish I could have seen this!

Bella said...

I'm interested in that CellPhone Stun Gun. Not quite sure if they're legal up here but I can't pack anything to protect myself. (got a citation for animal mace once, in my own home, don't ask) I was walking home from the neighbourhood Pub about 5 blocks from my home and three 13 (?) yr. old punks stole my 6 pack. I couldn't fight them off and would probably be stupid to try. It's a 6 pack. If I had me one of those Cellphones, it would have been different. I still miss my 6 pack. Fuckers! KCS

MrG's said...

It seems to get worse with the young, they expect instant respect, but they give none to anybody else. Part of me wonder if this is a generational thing or is the lack of manners worse with the modern youth than before.

dhanna59 said...

BELLA, my dear.. Go to www.stungunscheaper.com (ithink). I got mine in black with case(also in pink)on sale for $52 US. Uses relatively expensive batteries you can get anywhere, always have extras in your car and test it weekly. Takes 3 CR 2 bttys. Will knock anybody's stump loose. Use multiple times at once .AWESOME!!!

dhanna59 said...

rpm2day, good to hear your endorsement of the Mak 9x18 for accuracy, and I concur! I handled some saddam russian made mak9x18 from the the '70s. Very good close combat weapons. However, I legal bought a '68 POLISH-64 bout a year ago. Hands down a Great carry weapon if only six rd mag. Accuracy-SHOW ME MO! I stitch you with this little James Bond bitch, stitches won't help you! Yes, not a COMBAT weapon. But very small. Life is all comprimises. BTW, not my only pistol WIRECUTTER...

Anonymous said...

+1 on the MAK. When my primary got sluggish after 200 or so rds at a tactical shooting class I finished up with the MAK. Yeah I got the usual ribbing about the mousegun and it took me 2 shots to put the poppers down but it worked every time and I did drop them. Not my ECG, but a fine balance of size, power, ergonomics, and beauty.
_Revjen45

TPaine said...

I live in Florida, where we have a "No retreat" law, so I don't carry a pharmacy of sprays and electro-shock. I just carry an XD-40 with 13 rounds and one or two extra mags. I do not go out of my way to entice dweebs like those two, so if anything like that occurs, I'm shooting first and answering questions later. I'm an old guy who ain't gonna go mano a mano with some punk kids.

Napalm Bodywash said...

Guess Mommy didn't teach them any manners. It ain't polite to piss off us old geezers. Specially armed and dangerous old geezers...