Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Pops, III to III

Okay, so everybody knows that one of the reasons I took a break from this blog a couple of weeks ago was because of Pop's health.
It was worse than we thought. We got the results from his biopsy back Monday night. He has cancer, stage 4, no cure.
Now, we all knew it, the signs were all there, but to hear him come out and say it was a real motherfucker. That finalized it, you know?
 
Julie III came up yesterday as promised. I was expecting about a one hour visit but she ended up staying almost six hours, wouldn't leave until she was satisfied that everything was taken care of and all of our questions were answered. Within 2 hours, she had Mom fire Pop's doctor, had reviewed his charts and ordered more pain meds. Then she got on the phone and called hospice and set all that up. Then she went down and told the radiologist what he was going to do. She was like a redheaded whirlwind, man.
Lisa and I had read up in the type of cancer that he has that morning and saw that he has a life expectancy of 8 short months. Then when Julie asked Pops if he had any questions he asked her how long he was looking at. She didn't want to say, and she used the term 'clinically' a lot, but her answer was 3 weeks without treatment and about 12 weeks with treatment. Then she had to tell him that in her professional opinion, chemo just wasn't an option in his weakened state. She did order a big dose of radiation for the tumor in the bone in his arm to shrink it for pain release, but it's not going to extend his life by much, if any.
I'm pretty pissed - the man has been making weekly visits to his doctors for a few years now due to various health issues, yet his cancer went from undetectable to stage 4 overnight? Give me a fucking break.
So there it is.
 
So, I took a couple of days off work, yesterday for me and today to get Mom's house set up for hospice to bring him home in a couple of hours, but I have to go back to work tomorrow - I couldn't afford losing two days work as it was but you gotta do what you gotta do - family before bills. Plus I think getting my mind off this and into something else would probably do me good, that and getting back around some men for a change instead of all these damned women. I am holding up well though, even spent an hour online last night helping one of my readers getting set up to reload for the first time in his life which was a welcome change of place.
 
I do want to say one thing, though. I hope like hell that anybody that has to go through this either as a patient or family member has a nurse like Julie. She has a great personality and bedside manner, she's extremely knowledgeable and professional, but her compassion stands head and shoulders above everything else, proven by the fact that she came down to help a fellow Patriot for no other reason than she wanted to.
 
I gotta say that is is by far the toughest fucking thing I've ever gone through so far. I mean, we all know the day is going to come when something like this is going to happen but to suddenly (and I do mean fucking suddenly) have it right in front of you is a real bitch.
The one thing that I am so grateful for is the fact that me and Pops have gotten along real well ever since I was in my early twenties. I had the opportunities to learn from him, socialize with him, and be a friend to him as well as a son.
 
Hey, thanks to all of you for your understanding, support and patience. Thoughts and prayers would be appreciated. His name is Kirk Lane.

78 comments:

hiswiserangel said...

You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers since we learned about his health, now the prayers will just change a little bit. You mean a lot to us, and we've got your back. You just do what you need to do. Love ya! III to III.

conservativeBC said...

Sorry about your Pops... It don't matter how old you get to be, you still kind of a kid and they are always your dad.

My Dad told me one time that "sometimes life is just shit, but you know sometimes it ain't."

I hope it goes as well as it can...

DaddyBear said...

Thoughts and prayers inbound, brother. Stay strong, you're not alone.

Curmudgeon said...

Thoughts and prayers, but not just for Pops. For you and Lisa and your mother as well. And for Julie, who entered your life at the right time.

Our words can't change things, but they can let you know you are not alone. And hold on to those good memories.

Brian in Florida said...

My Thoughts and my prayers brother. Your father is a one and only. Wish i was closer, i cook a mean grill, but otherwise, Love you and yours, stay strong brother. God Bless.

Child of the Trillion dollar wasteland. said...

Prayed for him. And your family. I hope you guys have peace and comfort in this hard time.

BigRed said...

Been there too many times, I feel for you Ken. God bless you and yours. Harsh as this sounds, you will get through this, life is brutal, yet we push on...I lost my Dad at 20 yrs. of age. My observation, life is not fair, won't stop me though. One day at a time.
God bless,
BigRed

angrymike said...

Ken
Prayers headed your way, my friend. Fuck the bills and every thing else, spend as much time as you can with your pop, I lost mine back in 86, and only wished I spent more time with him. Make sure you take care of mom, she's gonna need you now more than ever......God bless.......

PatriotUSA said...

You got it Kenny, Prayers have been coming your way for your Pop and all your family since this broke. I have sent out this out to A LOT of prayer warriors besides me self and they will marshal many more.

White lights from above being sent your Dad's way and for all concerned. Damn, so sorry, Kenny.

Lost me Dad in 1978 and mom in 2003 and this is never easy, never. Gotcha ya all covered in prayer.

Let Kirk know, OK? I know that made a difference in spirit to those who must wage this fight regardless of the outcome.

PISSED said...

Thoughts and prayers to your dad and you and and your family Kenny.

Tom Smith said...

I wonder about the competency of doctors too. My dad went in for a knee replacement and died. No way in hell that should happen.

Hope you stay strong. Prayers

AlanD said...

Wirecutter, "Pop's" and his entire family have been in our prayers and will continue to be.
III 2 III my friend we are here if we can help.

Deb said...

Ken,

You, your dad and mom are all in my thoughts and prayers. I cannot imagine anything harder to endure than what you and your family are going through. Sometimes one day at a time isn't enough, and you have to go through your days in even smaller increments.

Take comfort in knowing you and Pops have a great relationship. No regrets. There are many who cannot say that.

I will pray for peace for you all.

Farm.Dad said...

That old road is going to get harder before it gets easier too . Lost mom last December to small cell lung cancer that went to the brain . I have done the hospice thing 4 times with relatives and the best advise I can give you is listen to and lean on your Hospice. Assuming your pop has his affairs in order the best thing you can do is keep in mind , y'all didn't bring him home to die , you brought him home to live out the rest of his life . You have the gift of more time short and brutal seeming though it may be there is time to say your goodbyes and give him both a measure of comfort and enjoyment during his last days . Tough though it is Julie III gave you the honor of the truth , which is more than I think I ever got out of the double talking bastards in health care ( hospice excluded ) . Honor him while you can , and he will know you did all you could . Feel free to drop me an email if there is a dammed thing i can do or you just need to cuss some bastard who btdt farm.dad.bob at gmail

Julie said...

Prayers said!

Anonymous said...

My condolences sir. My Dad passed away very suddenly from a heart attack 12 years ago. Never spent a day in hospital and VERY rarely went to a doctor. He felt out of sorts - we asked him if he needed to see a doctor and refused that. Really sudden, like you said.

No prolonged suffering, but I didn't have a chance to tell him THANKS. THANKS for raising me. THANKS for his advice and putting up with my bullshit. THANKS for everything - I hope I'm half the Dad to my kids that he was to me.

You have that opportunity - use it.

Again - my condolences to you and your family. It sounds like his nurse is a damn good person to have in your corner.

Mark Roote said...

That sucks. I feel for you and will pray for you and your family.
I know what this is like.
Late July/early August 2004 I learned my father had cancer and that it was no longer treatable (the big difference between mine and yours is that mine knew, he just didn't tell anyone and wouldn't allow his doctor to tell either). September 1st, 2004 I moved back to PA from VA to help mom take care of him. September 16th, 2004 he died.
Like I said, I know how this can feel. Try to keep him comfortable (listen to Hospice and Julie) and enjoy your time with him now. Prepare for the inevitable, but don't focus on it, focus on now with him.

My prayers are with you and your family.

Phyllis (N/W Jersey) said...

Went through this with my Dad, too. Hospice nurses are angels - we could not have made it without them. Your family is truly blessed with Julie.
Cherish the time you have left to share with your Dad. That is the hardest to bear-not being able to share your life. I am so glad I was able to be with mine every day.
He did not suffer because of the great care he received and knowing that, it was easier for my Mom and me to accept. Please know that you, your Mom, Dad and family will be in my prayers. May knowing that so many people care will bring you comfort and peace.

Toejam said...

I'm sorry to hear of your situation wirecutter and my prayers are with your pop and your family.

35 years ago I was at work and got a call from my mother. She was in tears and told me my father felt suddenly ill, went to his doctor who sent him to the local emergency room.

After tests and a biopsy the results were pancreatic cancer. They did an operation which bought him 14 months, but it was not a fun time.

Hang tough buddy. Do it for your dad and especially for your family.

Laura Leigh said...

So Sorry about your dad. Lost my dad to cancer 25 years ago and it is tough. I'll be praying. God Bless you and him. ZTW at Zion's Trupet.

Anonymous said...

Dude been thru this with both my Dad and my Mom it sucks it frustrates and well All I can say is you have all the prayers my family and friends can muster. Peace to you and yours Wirecutter.

Cavedogg III

Heroditus Huxley said...

Definitely praying for you and your family.

traditionsandskills said...

Kenny, nothing I've got to say is going to make you feel better, but I still need to tell you that I'm thinking about your dad, you, and all your family, and keeping you in my prayers. If I was closer, I'd bring you a freakin' cassarole you could let dry out in the fridge, man. You belong to this crazy bunch of III that have become very dear to me and I don't like seeing one of mine hurting, remember to take care of yourself because the rest of the family will be leaning on you you, but you can lean on the III.
Teresa Sue/Miss Violet

Anonymous said...

I went thru this a couple years back with my mother. My prayers are with you and your family. I think God sends you certain people when you need them most, I guess it's his way of helping. Sounds like Julie got the "call" this time.

Coop said...

Your father and family will be in my thoughts & prayers.

Chris said...

Ken, you and yours are in the hearts of me and mine. Take this time to celebrate your Dad, his life, and all the joy and happiness you've had together. Being his friend is the best thing you can do. Laugh with him.

Paul, Dammit! said...

SOrry, Ken- I'll keep your family in my prayers. My father went through hospice so he could be home for his last weeks- they were wonderful, warm people, and a great comfort to all of us, especially after my dad was gone. It's a small miracle that Julie III came into your life at this time, but it sounds like she's going to make a difference in keeping your dad comfortable.
These last weeks can be used to make some good memories, even under these awful circumstances- I was at sea for a lot of my dad's hospice care period, except for the end, but my family talks a lot about the conversations and daily trials of that time, and it's far, far better for him, and you, that he'll be in his home where he's most comfortable.

cato said...

Lord, give Kirk Lane and is family endurance,strength and peace these following days. May they speak of and remember all the good things and times they shared with eachother. Fill each family member and friend with grace and let them know, "we will be seperated only for a short time".
Until then,shoulder their pain, loss and sorrow and always remind them that they were blessed, are blessed and will always be blessed by having Kirk in their lives.

Continue to Bless this family mightily.
Thank you Lord

SierraCheryl said...

Thankful you and your father have had a great relationship. Sure as hell helps when he's gone, when you go back through your memories. Doctors are gourd shakers - they excuse their malpractice with medicine is an art not science. Prayers being said for your dad and your family.

Toaster 802 said...

Thoughts and prayers out to you and yours Ken.

One thing I might suggest out of experience, Ask you Dad about passed releltives, stories of his childhood, his parents, etc. All this kind of info is gone forever once we move on from this life. Being able to tell your baby niece (Just and example) about great Grandpa helps knowing where she comes from, and provides a touchstone for her all her life.

My Grandparents passed early in my life, and I can't tell you how many times I wish I knew more about them and other family.

Just my two cents Bro.

He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of his people shall he take away from off all the earth: for the LORD has spoken it.

Isaiah 25:8

kerrcarto said...

My condolences. Thank God for the III%

thepraiseoffolly said...

My father died of lung cancer in 2004. From diagnosis to death, it was about 6 weeks. By the time they found it, it had metastasized to his liver.

I know what you're going through and it's a hard thing. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

The Steel Ibeam said...

The tears were welling up in my eyes as I read this post this morning. I cannot fathom the whirlwind of emotions that you are going through. I came close to losing my Mom a couple years ago to a heart attack. The doctors called it the "Widow Maker" because the artery that was clogged was just that, a widow maker. That was as close to home that I got to losing one of my parents. As a son, I always say I want my parents to outlive me. My parents want for me to outlive them.

We never want our loved ones to go. We go through life thinking as if it will never happen. When I think back to when you took the hiatus from blogging, my prayers started then. I now pray for not only you Kenny and your family, but I pray for Julie and for more people like her. As I stated before, if you ever need a shoulder or and ear to vent to I am here as we all are.
Sincerely,
Israel
III

DeNihilist said...

Cutter, know in your heart that you have an army of concerned friends and Patriots praying for your Dad and Family.

Peace.

timbo said...

Ugh. Yes it will be the hardest thing you go through. And as shitty as it is, we have to do it twice. Who thought this shit up anyways. The saying that if it doesn't kill ya, it''l make you stronger doesn't apply with this.

It didn't make me stronger, it made me weaker and more fragile., it did a lot of other good things to me. I am a more patient, understanding, calm person. I feel more empathy for others, and I am a much greater human being overall. Wisdom I guess.

Up until it happens, you actually go through life under the general assumption that we are immortal - then it hits the fan.

May God make it a smooth transition for you and yours.

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear about your dad. Been reading just to keep abreast. Lost my dad to cancer and it can be so hard on the family members and it is so good that you had Julie III there to help you. Prayers are coming your way.

John Henry said...

Sorry for you strife .... thoughts and prayer for pop ...

Dean Carder said...

Talk about a shot to the heart. I'm so sorry that this has been thrust upon you and your family.

BobG said...

My condolences and best wishes to you and your family; I lost my dad back in 2005 to cancer after a year and a half battle, so I have a bit of an idea what you are experiencing.

Six said...

Thoughts and prayers go out to you, your Dad and all of your family from me and Lu. It's so hard.

stevienatt said...

Kenny, I'm sorry for you and your entire family. That post brought a tear to my eyes. I can't even fathom the thought of losing my mom or dad. My prayers are with you and I'll make sure my babies say an extra one for your dad before the go to bed tonight.

FREE said...

My prayers are with you and your love ones.

Sorry

Anonymous said...

My thoughts and prayers headed your way. May the Great Creator give you and yours peace and guidance through this tribulation.

Pickdog
III

davidc said...

KEN, your Dad and family are in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this ordeal. I've been there myself a few years ago.

Craig Cavanaugh said...

Kenny, y'all (and Kirk especially) are in our prayers. And bless that redheaded whirlwind Julie. I've been through this twice now with my Grandpa and a very close friend. Sucks swollen donkey balls. To have someone like her in your corner is a Godsend.

Anonymous said...

Kenny:
Been reading your blog a long time. It is one of my favorites! I was sad to see you stop and thrilled to see you start up again.
Lost my Dad last year. Sounds like similar circumstances. Very sudden cancer diagnosis. Docs said six months and we did the hospice thing. It was a shock and tuff even though I' m 50, married, kids etc. Losing your dad is tuff no matter how old or independent you are. Enjoy the time left, say what needs to be said.
I'll say a prayer for him and you and your family.
Regards
A Big Fan.

Unknown said...

Sorry to hear the news, thoughts and prayers sent.
Kevin

MOTUS said...

You, Lisa, Julie, Mom & Pop are in our prayers. Stay strong.

Anonymous said...

Prayers are with you, Wirecutter.

Mamma Jude said...

My thoughts are with you and your family. Much love.

Light29ID said...

Prayers Brother

MissK said...

Kenny, Miss Julie truly is an amazing lady. I am thankful that she came into your lives at this very crucial time, and that she is helping you all make it possible for him to be home and as comfortable as possible.

I've mentioned before, losing my father at the immature age of 17. So building a strong adult bond with him is something I truly missed out on. That you've had the opportunity to build a good relationship with him is truly a gift, one I know you cherish.

The outpouring of Love and Support on your blog really says so much about your readers and the kind of people III percenters are. I'm adding My Love, Thoughts and Prayers to the lot, and wish you and your family as much time as possible with your Pops. God Bless.


Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear this news. Hospice is wonderful, my wife died of cancer in 04 and I kept her off hospice thinking it was like giving up. But when we signed up and they took over the pain stopped and she really enjoyed her last 2 weeks visiting and pain free. Prayers go out to you and your family, stay strong.
Pastor Bob

Chris in NC said...

Hi Ken,

I am so sorry about Pops. I wish there was something I could say to make it easier. My dad had something similar. Regular checkups that showed nothing and one day, he sneezed and blew his back out. Sneezes don't blow a back out. Tests showed aggressive stage 4 bone cancer. He was gone 2 months after diagnosis and 6 months after his back went out.

As others have said, spend as much time with him as you can. Leave nothing unsaid. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Prayers.

Anonymous said...

Lost my first wife 12yrs ago. When hospice came in I thru open the doors for friends and family to come in and say their goodbyes and thanks. A hectic four months but it made her happy.

Sandman369 said...

Ken,

Words suck at conveying the truths of these things. Be grateful for him ,be strong for the rest and trust that that we are all praying for him and you.

No mere words, even from Shakespeare or Tennyson can explain the bond between father and son. Be a bit selfish too, chase them all out, sit alone with him, tell him EVERYTHING, leave nothing unfinished or unsaid between you.

And when his time comes do not greet it with fear and pain, be like the Irish and greet it with the Joy of release from these earthly trials and the Memories of a life well lived.

God Bless you all Brother.

Anonymous said...

Stay strong. Lean on your lady, your friends & family, and lean on your dog. They can tell when we are sad and their love for us silently helps. Doctors practice an art and sometimes the science just doesn't find the pains and afflictions until... They do the best they can with part science and part art. You have a lot of Internet friends that are sending a message to you & your Pop - We care about you and wish you well.

Brock Townsend said...

Same, as before, man.

Anonymous said...

I think your dad must be a pretty good guy because I've come to know you through your blog and he should be very proud.

Crustyrusty said...

Been there. I know. Wish there was something else I could do...

Prayers gone up, brother.

Crusty
III

Grog said...

It's good you were able to relate to your dad like that, I was able to do the same before I lost mine. Prayers sent up for you and your family, and for Julie.

Tim said...

Wish you two the best.

Mr. Miracle said...

Sorry to hear, bro. Me and mine will be praying,no doubt. Please, take what time you have and talk with him, settle if there is anything to, and don't spare the sappy stuff. My Dad went before I could really tell him all that I wanted, and it is a great regret. Please, also, take care of your self, and watch over your family, and help them to care for each other. They will need your strength, and your softness as well. Take care, this too shall pass.

Glenn B said...

I know the shock you must have gone through to hear that 'all of a sudden' your pops has stage 4 cancer. I remember it well when they diagnossed me, 'all of a sudden' with cancer on my tonsil and that had spread extensively through the lymph nodes in the right side of my neck and then gave me a 50/50 chance at the very best. They would not even tell me the stage and truthfully I did not want to know. Doctors, many of them are inept assholes, my regular doc had told me my year long complaints of sore throats and swollen glands was due to snoring and nothing else.

I guess what I am trying to do is empathize but I am also guessing I cannot even come close since they gave your pop zero chance of survival. I will keep him in my prayers, my thoughts and my well wishes where you and the rest of your family also have a place.

You being there for him is so important, I cannot even come close to telling you how much it meant to have my family's support.

Hang in there, life goes on as hard as that may be to think about right now.

All the best,
Glenn B

Auntie J said...

Found my way here through DaddyBear's blog.

So sorry for you. I can't imagine...my dad's still in pretty good health, and I treasure every moment I get to spend with him.

You both have my prayers.

Stinkwilly said...

Hang in there Dude. It's the shits but it WILL pass, not completely, but trust in GOD and He will get you through it. Sounds like you both had good times together so dwell on those and keep in mind that there's gonna be one hell of a reunion sometime in the future where you'll never have to go through this sorrow again.

Pete S said...

Sorry to read about your father's failing health; I trust hospice caretakers will give you all a chance to share memories and get everything said that needs be. Prayers going up for you and yours.
There's no easy way-ya just keep on.
All the best to you.

WoodBurner said...

Enjoy the remaining time you, your mother and father have together.

My thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

Lord, please allow the passing of this man, Kirk Lane, to be peaceful. Please bless his family with many happy memories of him and for thier time of mourning to be short, take the pain of thier loss away and leave the joy of his life with them. I pray this in Jesus name! Amen!

justcook said...

Prayers and thoughts of love and peace. It's good to see you back and writting. My wife is a hospice nurse and I know what a joy and peace of mind a good nurse can bring a family. Stay strong, and remember he is going to a better place and when he goes is between him and God. Anything we can do to help just let us know.

Mike Roberts said...

Ken,

I am sorry to hear about your father. I have been down that path twice with my grandparents, so I can only imagine how difficult it is when it's your father. I will put you and your family in my prayers.

As I read your post I was shocked at the kindness and care that Julie had given you and your family. Far too often we find that people in the medical field keep the family in the dark and don't provide the right information. Glad you have a great patriot like Julie there to straighten everything out and cut through the BS. Hang in there and enjoy every moment you can with your family.

Mike

steve tompkins said...

ken, so sorry.

SewerDweller said...

I just came over from The Rott. My heart goes out to you, and I understand your pain. 3 weeks ago, my wife succumbed to cancer. I thank God that I had the support of my friends at the Rott, and other places. If there is anything I can do, please, let me know, even if it's just listening.

Anonymous said...

Prayers sent.

David the ODDMAN said...

Words cannot express how one feels when we are in the process of losing someone that we love so much. My heart goes out to you, your family and your father, Kirk Lane. Our parents teach us how to live and they teach us how to die. Anyway that you cut it, it hurts. My heartfelt sympathies for you and your family.

Father Confessor (Rudy) said...

Sorry to hear that dude. Like many others here, I've been through it and know how tough it is.

Peace.

ejecto said...

Hang in there, man. Please read this relevant, related story: My brother and I took care of our dad for several years while he was dying of prostrate cancer. At the same time, my mom was dying from emphysema, with a good dose of hostile dementia thrown in. In the middle of this, my wife's kidneys failed and multiple complications from her type 1 diabetes kicked in. I lost all three in a 2 year period. To say that I was a dangerous maniac during this time would be an understatement. I gave up a lucrative career for this. This changed me from an agnostic to a hard core atheist. After surviving all this, I fear NOTHING. It's a miracle that I am alive and not in jail.
The saving grace to this story is that after the dust settled, I met Janet. She is the love of my life and defines "soul mate". Under the circumstances, I am amazingly well adjusted and happy.
The good news for you, Kenny: you currently have your Janet- Miss Lisa. It will get better. Please try to ask as many questions as you can- this is your last chance. And tell the old man you love him!
Good luck with everything.

The Dude said...

I had a Old Man when I was younger that had lost his Wife and I went up to him laid my hand on his Shoulder and said I know how you feel, he whipped his head around and stared at me and said no you don't and one day you will..after buring bith my Parents within two and half years, now I know what he meant. Mom had went in a week before for a Cold and everything checked out, week later she had Pancreatic Cancer and it spread to her Liver, week in Hospital and week and half at Home w/ Hospice, trust me all the comments above are correct. The Hospice Gals knew EXCATLY how it would play out and they gave Her 6 months and she lasted a week and a half and to be completely honest Im Glad, Mom told me she did not want to suffer and she had fought the good fight and she just wanted to be w/ Dad. I lost Her May 26th of this year I still wake up and pick up the phome to call and check on Her..Sucks. God Speed Kenny