Wednesday, October 31, 2012

It's a Wirecutter Halloween

Some house down the road is giving out Slim Jims instead of candy, and not the cheap little one biters, either. These are 7-11 sized, man. The last half dozen little beggars to show up had a couple each in their alms baskets so I know it's gotta be close. I'm about ready to go borrow my psycho ex-neighbor's granddaughters and finding out which house it is - We'll be changing those kid's costumes every 15 minutes and running them by again and again for dried beef sticks.

Halloween was a lot more entertaining before Miss Lisa tamed CharlieGodammit down. That motherfucker would hit that security door full force, all 120 pounds, snapping and snarling and freak everybody out - kiddies, Milfs, dads, older siblings, everybody. The first year I had him it happened about 10 or 12 times thoughout the evening before folks started avoiding us. The second year the word was out and nobody came. Parents and kids were crossing the street to avoid our house.
Hey, I thought motherfuckers wanted to be scared on Halloween......
Yeah, so this year he's in the back yard licking his nonads and not even a little bit excited with all the people in the streets. I swear, that woman ruined him.

I thought about giving out habeneros to the beggars for Halloween this year on account they look like little punkins, you know, trying to get into the spirit of things here but Miss Lisa said that probably wasn't a good idea. Lawsuits and shit, you know?
I also thought about putting on my ghillie suit and being a sniper for Halloween but then realized they'd probably hammer me with extra charges for discharging a firearm within 1000 feet of a school if I got caught. Maybe next year.


Anonymous said...

Fuck, that's probably the best laugh I've all day, and possibly all week. Thanks.

angrymike said...

And I thought I had mental problems ............;)

dhanna59 said...

Kenny, CGD's nonads are the problem,no testostejerome, no scary manly behavior...Go to the vet and get him some whoremones, see if that helps!

timbo said...

Jesus, if you want all the candy for yourself, just buy another bag ya cheap bastard! Haha.

softailrider said...

Max is a 114 lb. German Shepherd. He's huge! He hit the glass door barking every time the door bell rang. I pulled him back and the wife gave out the candy to the group of small kids. They turned around to leave and the last one off the porch yells, "Something is leaking!" There is a puddle on the porch and a trail down the sidewalk. I almost fell down laughing that Max had scared the pee out of one of them. He and I were subsequently banned to the backyard for the next hour.

Stretch said...

One kid was accompanied by Mom.
Can't remember what the kid wore but Mom was in black heels, seamed stockings, black mini, black blouse, tail and ears on top of head.
MEOW in deed!