Some house down the road is giving out Slim Jims instead of candy, and not the cheap little one biters, either. These are 7-11 sized, man. The last half dozen little beggars to show up had a couple each in their alms baskets so I know it's gotta be close. I'm about ready to go borrow my psycho ex-neighbor's granddaughters and finding out which house it is - We'll be changing those kid's costumes every 15 minutes and running them by again and again for dried beef sticks.
Halloween was a lot more entertaining before Miss Lisa tamed CharlieGodammit down. That motherfucker would hit that security door full force, all 120 pounds, snapping and snarling and freak everybody out - kiddies, Milfs, dads, older siblings, everybody. The first year I had him it happened about 10 or 12 times thoughout the evening before folks started avoiding us. The second year the word was out and nobody came. Parents and kids were crossing the street to avoid our house.
Hey, I thought motherfuckers wanted to be scared on Halloween......
Yeah, so this year he's in the back yard licking his nonads and not even a little bit excited with all the people in the streets. I swear, that woman ruined him.
I thought about giving out habeneros to the beggars for Halloween this year on account they look like little punkins, you know, trying to get into the spirit of things here but Miss Lisa said that probably wasn't a good idea. Lawsuits and shit, you know?
I also thought about putting on my ghillie suit and being a sniper for Halloween but then realized they'd probably hammer me with extra charges for discharging a firearm within 1000 feet of a school if I got caught. Maybe next year.