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Thursday, September 23, 2010

Tweekers. Yeah, we got 'em here too.

Fuck Mo.

Yeah. A religion of peace and love.

The Jews call Ezra a son of Allah, and the Christians call Christ the son of Allah. That is a saying from their mouth; (in this) they but imitate what the unbelievers of old used to say. Allah's curse be on them: how they are deluded away from the Truth! (9:30) (See also Bukhari 8:427), one of the last things Muhammad ever said on his deathbed was "May Allah curse the Jews and Christians.”)

It depends on how you look at it

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as she an Orthodox Jew, she believes that homosexuality is an abomination (according to Leviticus 18:22) and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate.


I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16). Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.
James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia


It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian. I can think of one that would be mine.... Run, Bella, Run!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

BC Bella

Give me a holler at my email, Girl.
k59lane@yahoo.com
It may be the weekend before I get back to you but I need to talk to you.

But I LOVE loose women......

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Robs' pups

Kids killing coyotes

I got an email from Predator Quest telling me that they have developed a smaller version of their coyote calls for the young-uns.
You can check it out here:
http://www.predatorquest.com/web/

Now, how fucking cool is that? Ol' Les is making a call that will fit a childs' hand and mouth.
Think about it. Deer season lasts a few very short weeks here in Kalifornia, dove season is split (and short) pheasant season is short and while pig hunting is open year round, land to hunt pigs (and everything else) is at a premium.
So basically the youngsters are spending quality time with their folks in a stand or field doing nothing and just dying to shoot that gun.
But coyote hunting? That shit is wide open. The motherfuckers are everywhere. I've seen 'em trotting across the 9th street bridge in the middle of town in the early morning hours.
 I've got a couple pieces of property close by that I shoot. The nearest public land is an hour or so away, but you know what? There's more fucking coyotes on it than deer, yet it's packed with hunters during deer season and nothing the rest of the year. Guess what? Shoot more goddamn coyotes and you'll have more deer.
So what I'm trying to say is check this shit out. Take them kiddies coyote hunting whether you look at Les' site or not. I can guarantee you that they will have more action with that than damned near any other type of hunting if you do a little homework and learn about coyotes.
Besides, it's every father and grandfathers' dream to have youngsters that skulk around the woods in the middle of the night killing shit, right?

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Ain't this some shit?

I just had to pass on this quote from Peter Schmuck, a Baltimore sports writer, concerning the indictment of Roger Clemens.

"Isn't it great to live in a society where the penalty for lying to a Congressman can be up to 30 years in jail, but the penalty for a Congressman lying to you is another two years in office?"

Thanks, Tom.

Whatever gets ya through the day























Thanks, Tom

Knife sharpening

One thing I cannot tolerate is a dull knife, be it my everyday Buck 110, a tacklebox knife, a caping knife. If the motherfucker ain't got an edge on it, it's a piece of metal, not a knife.
Now I've tried all kinds of methods to sharpen a knife. I've tried carbide sharpeners, steels, stones and strops. They all have their place but none will work on their own unless that blade already has an edge.
My method (sometimes 2-3 times a week) is a stone. I use one stone and one stone only. It's a fine grit Arkansas that I've had for so many years that it's got dips in the surface. It's less than an inch wide and about 3 inches long.
Some folks will tell you that there is a perfect angle to get a sharp edge and the best way to find it is this:
Measure your blade depth (from edge to spine) at its' deepest and and then imagine one pennys' width for every half inch.
I never could get that right.
My way is just to keep a consistent angle every time you sharpen. It don't matter how much of a gap there is between spine and stone as long as it's the same the entire length of the blade EVERY time you sharpen. Yeah, it takes practice.
Okay. Take your stone and apply one drop of light viscosity oil to the middle of it. I use 3-n-1 oil myself. Lay your blade down at your chosen angle (I use less than a 20 degree angle) and push it across the stone, then drag it back. Wipe the excess off. Now you're ready to start.
With the edge facing away, start making tight little circles (the ladies know what I'm talking about here) keeping the blade at the same angle and going from tip to hilt. Do this until the stone starts to darken. That dark shit is fine metal shavings and that's a good thing.
Wipe your stone off, flip it over and repeat except do it with you blade FACING you this time. It's very important that you hold the same blade angle.
Do this a couple of times until it feels like it can't get no better. If you feel a bit of grit when you're making them tight circles, you ain't done yet. Do it until it's glassy smooth on both sides.
A tip: If it feels smooth on one side but not the other, you're fucking up. The angle is not the same from one side to the other.
A finishing touch is to strip your leather belt off, step on the buckle end and wrap the tag end around you fist. Do just like you see them old time barbers do in the movies (unless you shave with a straight razor and do this shit everyday) and work that blade up and down to remove any burrs. The more you use your belt the better it becomes.
Okay, I know I'm gonna catch shit from folks that feel that a smooth long stroke is better than tight circles. That's cool and I'll for sure publish your method if you write it up and send it to me. But what I'm saying is this is what works for me.
I carry a Buck 110 every day and sharpen that motherfucker at least a couple times a weeks. I go through one every couple of years because I wear the blades so thin I chip them. And yeah, it kills me every time I discard an old friend and get a new one. I's almost like getting a new dog of the same breed as the one you just accidentally ran over - kinda sorta the same but a whole new personality.
I'll post soon how I modify my 110s to suit my purposes.

Gotta be California (again)

























Check out the title of his book.

Let her sleep and enjoy the view

Think he's bitter now? Wait for a couple of months.

But he has a crown!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Teri

I got a text a minute ago, and I quote:
"Big party for Teri's memorial at Nino's Cantina."
I text back "Who the fuck is this and who's Teri?"
"This is Ta-Da and Teri is TJs' daughter. Cancer."
Ta-Da is my old weed and crank connections' widow. TJ is one of the original crew. As a matter of fact, he's the only one besides me that's still alive.
Fuck. Not only have I outlived all the boys, but now I'm starting to outlive our kids.
I'm only 51. How fucked up is that.

BOO!!!!!!

I was talking to this ol' boy at work the other day at work about hunting coyotes. He was kinda sorta interested, asking some intelligent questions. He wanted to know what time of the day was the best hunting.
I told him the last hour of the day, the first hour of the day, but the absolute best time was the coyote moon. You know, the full moon is setting just as day is breaking. You really need to get out there about midnight and hunt until after dawn.
"What, you go out there by yourself in the middle of the high country desert or up in the mountains in the middle of the fucking night?" Al asks. "Seriously, by yourself?"
"Yup, uh huh. Gotta do what ya gotta do, man."
"Fuuuuuuck. Ain't you afraid of Bigfoot, mountain cats or bears?"
"Naw, I ain't afraid of them OR the boogeyman."
"Man, you are one badass motherfucker........"
Okay. what Al doesn't know is that not only am I carrying a rifle in 22-250 with a scope mounted spotlight, but I also got my 41 loaded with 280 grain hardcasts that'll blow a hole through a small tree, night vision scope, a short LED light with 100 lumens (that motherfucker will make your eyeballs bleed if I hit you with it) and I'm covered in scentkiller.
Besides, I've never seen or heard anything I could positively identify as Bigfoot, I've only seen a couple of bears in all the years I've wandered the woods and I haven't seen a big cat since I quit running them with hounds 20 some odd years ago.
But yeah, I do worry about accidentally calling in a mountain lion. It's bound to happen soon, as loaded as these mountains are with them since they outlawed hunting them. Just because I ain't seeing them don't mean they ain't there. Consider this: You call in a coyote, you can generally either see or hear them crashing through the brush. A bobcat though, that motherfucker just appears. One second nothing's there, the next there's a bobcat looking at you, and you got no tag for him.
I'm sure a big cat is the same way when you're calling. There is no doubt in my mind that I've called them in and just not seen them. Thank God they weren't real hungry.

Public Service Announcement

A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related.
This means that the remaining 77% are caused by assholes who just drink coffee, soda, juices, and shit like that.
Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol.
They cause 3 times as many accidents.

-Yolo

The Nekkid Truth

"Fathom the odd hypocrisy that Obama wants every citizen to prove they are insured, but people don't have to prove they are citizens".
~ Ben Stein ~

-Stevienatt

Damn, it was a rough week....

























-Nick

Calls



































My Coyote Call Wall and the calls on top of the gun safe.
I got a count of 14, some just aren't visible. Some are great, some are pieces of shit and just decoration. My favorites are the Les Johnson and the Todd Sullivan calls. Especially the Sullivan calls.
The Sullivan squeaker that I used in a couple of posts below about the PETA-phile is the one in the front laying on its' side.
Yeah, this shit is in my living room. But I have a picture of my grandkids displayed also to show my feminine side.
Yes, Deb. I know the safe needs dusting.

Sharia Law

Good Morning!

Oh, happy fucking day!

That'll work






































The people of Michigan and New York need to take a lesson from the Spanish. In Spain, at Sevilla, local people found a way to stop the construction of a mosque in their town. They buried a pig on the site, making sure this would be known by the local press. The Islamic rule forbid the erecting of a Mosque on "pig soiled ground". The moslems had to cancel the project.. this land was sold to them by government officials. No protests were needed by the local people... and It worked !!!
- orsm.net

PETA-philes

A few months ago I was talking to one of the guys that I buy coyote calls from and bemoaning the fact the my hunting is limited due to the fact that it's all private property around here. I gotta travel at least an hour and a half to shoot public land.
He gave me some advice that worked for him. Get some business cards made up, make up some nice letters and mail them out to all the local ranchers offering my services as a predator control hunter. Hey, you send out 250 cards and get 2 places to shoot, it's worth it.


















I went whole hog. I ordered tailgate magnets too that I rock during the weekend or when I'm driving out in the country.
Yes, I blurred out the number. Don't need Mikey to start calling me in the middle of the night.
Okay. I have gotten a couple of nibbles from ranchers, saying they want me to call them come lambing and calving season.
So yesterday I get a call from an unfamiliar number. I answer it.
"Hello?"
'Is this Lanes' Predator Control?"
"Yes, it is, ma'am. Can I help you?"
"You're a murderer, how can you live with yourself slaughtering those magnificent animals?"

Fucking wonderful. A PETA-phile.......

"Lady, there isn't a thing I can say that will make you understand the services I offer. However, if you'll give me your email address I will gladly send you some photos of 16 lambs killed by a single coyote in one night."
"You're a killer. I'm giving your number to the Humane Society and PETA."
I should've hung up but I had already had a few.
"Don't do that. You fucked up and called from an unblocked number. If I get one call from your buddies, I'm calling you back with a recording of me killing one one of those magnificent animals. Do you really want to piss off somebody that is perfectly happy when he's killing shit in the middle of the night?"
End of conversation. I thought.
Okay. Last night my buddy Phil called and we did our usual weekend thing - talking gun shit on the phone and drinking beer together long distance. I was fucking tanked when we got done.
I'm getting ready to crash and my phone rings again. I figured it was Phil or his sweetie calling back so I answered without looking at the Caller ID.
It was PETA-phile. And she was drunk too.
"I'm sorry, but I cannot (burp) let this go. You are dithpicable and I hope you die painlessly."
I wasn't as drunk as she was. I'm pretty sure she meant painfully.
"GODAMMIT, I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!!
I went over to my Call Wall and got Dogbreaths' squeaker call. It makes an outrageous ki-yi sound if you work it right - you know the ike-ike-ike-ike sound a dog makes when you back over its' leg with your pickup?
"I TOLD YOU I WAS GONNA HURT SOMETHING IF YOU CALLED BACK. NOW I'M GONNA KILL MY DOG."
CharlieGodammit came wandering in from the bedroom wondering what the fuck was going on. I slammed my open hand on the table and started yelping that call. Charlie, who's used to me practicing my calls inside the house, yawned and farted and went back to bed.
I was ky-yi-ing away and could hear PETA-phile going fucking berserk.
"NO!!!!!! DON'T HURT THE DOG.... PLEASE!!!! I'M SORRY!!!"
"You fucking made me do that. Goddamn you! I just killed my puppy..... Oh my God, what I have I done? Oh Sweetpea, I'm SO sorry! God, please forgive me....."
Haven't heard a word from her since.

And before any of you motherfuckers start talking shit that I did damage to our hunting heritage, kiss my ass. Her mind was already made up. There wasn't a thing I could do or say or do to change her mind.