While I know that being White Trash is the new fad, it has to be done right to be effective. These folks have it all wrong. Let me point out their mistakes.
1) Their clothes are new.
To be pure WT, it helps if you buy your attire at a thrift shop. There is nothing wrong with wearing other people’s clothes. The classier WT will wash the clothes after purchasing them but it’s not required. The young man in the overalls is particularly offensive – not only are his overalls brand new, but he’s wearing a T shirt under them.
2) No grease stains.
Whether it be on the body or the clothing, there has to be grease stains somewhere.
3) The setting appears to be in a suburban setting with a freshly cut lawn.
No self respecting WT would allow his picture to be taken anywhere other than in a field, near a body of water, in a forest, at a gun range, saloon, or jailhouse.
4) No tobacco products in use. No cigarettes, Copenhagen, Skoal, or cigars.
5) While it does appear that they are drinking beer, they are drinking from cans which are totally useless as weapons, even when full. Trust me, I know.
6) Headgear. The two in the rear have it right, the two that are seated need to crumple their hats up and dirty ’em up a little. Used motor oil works nicely.
7) No women in cutoffs and tit tops in the picture. Gotta have ’em.
8) No facial hair. Mustaches and/or goatees are required. Females are excused from this requirement if necessary.
9) No weapons worn or displayed. When posing for a picture, this is a must for all males. It can be a gun or a knife (even in a sheath) but there must be at least one weapon in the picture.
10) No vehicles. THERE MUST BE A VEHICLE SOMEWHERE IN THE PICTURE!!!! It can be a muscle car, a quad, tractor or pickup, running or not, but there must be a vehicle in a posed picture. One more thing – it must be American made. No Toyota pickups. Period.
11) There is not a single solitary dog in the picture. Not only is there not a dog, I can’t spot a single pile of dogshit on the lawn.
12) While alcohol appears to be in use, I don’t see anybody that is even close to passing out or puking.
And finally:
13) Tattoos. I see 9 bare arms and 1 torso in the picture and no tattoos. And while tattoos with colors fill the requirement, the best ones would be either prison or homemade tattoos with no colors at all.
Okay, I hope that these tips help out. If you wanna be White Trash, be White Trash, not Wannabe White Trash.
Lessons from The Master are always appreciated.
ReplyDeleteThe blue Jean shorts have hems.
ReplyDeleteBig no no
and no camo, dead giveaway. or nasty camo clogs, no socks with the sandals, beer bellies too small. no rusty washing machines in the yard. i speak from direct experience of course, my country boy pedigree is certified.
ReplyDeleteWhat the heck is wrong with Crocs in RealTree camo?
DeleteTwo more problems....one in sandals and one in deck shoes?
ReplyDeleteSandals on a redneck dude ? Nope, bunny slippers on some women, but not for guys. Also the white socks - another nope. Grey and torn, quitters for sure, that would pass. Ditto on the white gimme cap - there would be stains on that, with a tattered bill.
ReplyDeleteExcellent summary of fake hillbillies.
ReplyDeleteYou can use mineral oil to make "sweat stains" on a hat... Just don't over do it.
ReplyDeleteAnd the Birkenstock , blonde wig wearing homo has his junk up against the mexicans elbow, which would cause any immediate fisticuffs in any bonafide WT gathering. And where’s the single wide?
ReplyDeleteSkipperdaddy
I was White Trash before White Trash was cool.
1) no beer bellies
ReplyDelete2) PBR? nope, it needs to be Busch light in the can or longnecks (any brand except Corona).
3) no Harley logo on hats or clothes
4) sandals and all-stars? Those are hiking boots not work boots.
True White Trash...A tire shredding white pickup...Nitrous...
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxG5Lgorn2s
I find this offensive and I am TRIGGERED!
ReplyDeleteNah, not really. I could fit in quite well in this pic, and consider myself a gentrified white trash southerner. Articulate, well educated, but love my guns and southern cooking and southern women.
#2,
ReplyDeleteKenny does it matter if it's bacon or axle grease? Mee-Maw and Paw-Paw got a bet going.
Either/Or - Axle grease adds color but bacon grease smells better and brings in the babes.
DeleteUse both, Win, Win!
DeleteIn an episode of My Name Is Earl, Joy and Darnell's wedding, there was a shot of the wedding audience. My wife said, "We know all those people!" I agreed that living and working in NE Texas and our jobs taking us into SE Oklahoma and SW Arkansas, we had met people just like the TV people. My wife then said, "We're related to some those people!" I agreed that, yes, there were some relatives that fit the description. She said, "And most of them are from your family." Now hold on just a minute. Then I considered the uncle who shot up an Oklahoma honky tonk in McCurtain County after getting sort of whipped for being Texan, so he went home and got the M3 submachine gun five-fingered by one of his uncles, went back to Oklahoma and emptied the magazine into the joint. So, some of my relatives had lived in trailer parks, but, and this is important, unlike my wife's none of my relatives ever lived in west Arkansas or Shreveport.
ReplyDeleteIf you need a how-to example, watch this:
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_77EvoXGDB8
About the only time I see bibs on a hillbilly anymore is when they dress up for a funeral.
ReplyDeleteThose are all helpful hints, but for sure some sorta vehicle should be included and it's okay if it's up on blocks.
ReplyDeleteYou idiot. That's a CNN camera crew.
ReplyDeleteGood summary Wirecutter, seems like an attempt at cultural assimilation to me.
ReplyDeleteFake News
JD
Above zero and nobody is wearing a 'wife beater'? Plus I'm not seeing a barbecue. You got the rest.
ReplyDeleteBy the looks of that crew, there probably should be a big jar of anal lube somewhere in the picture.
ReplyDelete