The London-based man, who has not been identified claimed that his parents had knowingly been nurturing his dependence on them for the last 20 years, only to recently ‘significantly reduce’ their financial support, after their relationship deteriorated. He wanted a judge to rule that his parents should continue supporting him, and his lawyers cited laws relating to marriage and children during a remote family court hearing. Interestingly, the 41-year-old unemployed lawyer is currently living rent-free in a central London apartment owned by his parents. They have also been paying all his utility bills as well, but apparently that’s just not good enough…
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My 18th birthday, my dad woke me up before he went to work and wished me a happy birthday, then told me to either have a job or be out of his house before he got home that night. I called a family friend that was a foreman at a photo developing plant and got a job. Two weeks later when I got my first check, they took 10% for room and board. It wasn't much but enough to make me realize that their obligation to raise me was done.
When I got out of the army, I stayed with them for a couple months. Mom was the one that broke the news to me that time - "I think it's time you moved on, son. You've got one month."
Those two things rated right at the top of the best things they'd ever done for me.
I can totally relate to that sobering experience. The best thing my Mother told me once, was "I'm not your bank". She only had to say it once.
ReplyDeleteWhen I left home when I was 18, my mom was on the phone at the kitchen table. Things hadn't been so great the last couple months between us. I had my car loaded and was out the door for the last time and I turned around and said bye. She looked up at me for a sec and and said bye and went back to her conversation.
ReplyDeleteIf you told me she got up on the table when I pulled out of the driveway and danced away the day, I wouldn't doubt it.
Funny, after a few years we were best friends again.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder...
DeleteI had an different experience. The day I turned 18 (in the Spring, and I was ready to head off to college in the fall) my parents (my dad, mostly) gave me a new set of house keys, and let me know I was always welcome to use them to walk back through the front door, for any reason, no questions asked.
I never felt that I should do that. I mean, I visited a lot. Those four years in college, I was home nearly once a month. I got married right after I graduated, but my young wife and I were still in the car at least once every other month, driving back up to the town where my parents lived. And it was only 1 1/2 hours the way we went. But it was during those years that the relationship between my mother and I began to deteriorate. She was never a very close women, emotionally, to me or my father... but she grew quite chilly a few years after I got married. She never seemed to be very friendly to my wife, although I can't remember my wife ever being anything but polite to her. Maybe mom thought my Kentucky girl a little to "hick" for her son? I don't know, I am more of a redneck than my wife, by a long shot. Maybe my redneck-ness disappointed her? I won't ever know, at least this side of the Jordan, she's been gone a bit over four years, now.
-Just A Chemist
I was 17 when I joined the army so no need to kick me out but I did come back and stay a month and a half after I got out of the army before I went off on my own. It is the right thing to do to kick your children out of the nest to get them on their own two feet and let them learn the value of a dollar if they have not done so already
ReplyDeleteAfter my sophomore year in college (1959) it occurred to me that although I had a strong A- average, I didn't really know how to do anything useful.
ReplyDeleteDecided to take a break and check out the world beyond the halls of acadaeme. Ran smack into the "Have you satisfied your military draft obligation?" roadblock. Nobody would hire me for anything other than day labor or invest any money training me only to lose me to the Army in a year or two.
Mother watched me fail to get decent employment for about 2 weeks, then said, "Well, you threw away your scholarship, and don't think you're draggin home some floozy to live here with you. You have 30 days to either get the hell out or begin paying rent & utilities the same as everybody else in this country."
Found an outfit that would teach me a skill, give me three slops and a flop every day, and pay me a wage based on how well I did my job and kept my nose clean. Retired from it 24 years later . . . no regrets.
But . . . neither the society I grew up in nor the Navy I spent a quarter century in is the same as what we have today with out system of political correctness, unearned benefits, and whiney-ass snowflakes.
Glad my mother was a hard-minded Scot-Irish girl who wanted nothing more for her baby boy than his growing into a self-supporting adult male.
This is one reason people hate lawyers.
ReplyDeleteOne of my best friends did that. When his sons turned 18, he told them the same thing your dad told you. Same way, too.
ReplyDeleteMy parents did something similar about the time I was looking into colleges my senior year in high school. They made it very clear that I was expected to:
1. Go away to school
2. I could go to school locally, and stay at home
or
3. Get a job and move out.
I had 7 brothers and sisters. We were all expected to move on. I did the same with my kids, although more in the way of telling them how it was for me, and letting them know that they were expected to flap their wings and fly out of the nest.
The other thing I did was treat them as adults when they became adults. "Hey dad, I'm thinking of studying in Italy next year". Wow! that sounds cool! How are you going to pay for that? Sounds like fun if you can work it out.
I have three well adjusted, smart, self reliant, adult kids. People don't do that much these days. This is why we're in the boat we're in. Either they don't have a parent to clue them in that they are adults now, or the parents don't do it. Either way, we have a large cohort that doesn't understand how to be adults.
Thank you, thank you thank you, for this wonderful political ad telling young kids to vote for Joe. He'll take care of you, no parents needed.
ReplyDelete😩😩😩😩😩😩😩
I graduated high school at 17 years old. Four hours later, I was on the road, leaving my parent's house in Arizona for a job I'd set up in Northern California at a resort/marina on Clear Lake, outside Kelseyville. Damned good times. Came home at the end of the summer, turned 18, signed up for the Army and went to work for a construction company until that February when I entered Basic Training at Ft. Benning.
ReplyDeleteMy dad threw me out of the house when I was 19 with only the clothes on my back. I'm sure I wasn't blameless. I sort of bounced back and forth between their house and my own places for a couple of years before I finally left for good one morning without even bothering to tell them.
ReplyDeleteOn my Graduation from High School, my gifts were one large and one small suitcase.
ReplyDeleteYep, that was my high school graduation gift. A month later, I was in basic training.
DeleteThere's a difference between mooching off the parents and family atomization.
ReplyDeleteThe news article is mooching, scattering family members to the wind is a good way to get wypipo to never form a cohesive front against those that want them deadified.
But what the hell do I know?
I was 12 years old, school was just out and I had the best plans for summer. 7 o'clock am my old man comes up the stairs, kicks my bed across the room and said "get up, I got work for you". He did masonry, I was his help, carried block, mixed mortar and concrete. No pay, maybe a couple bucks here and there. At 18 I tried college a couple years, then found a trade I liked. My boy turned 18 I started giving him that better get a job look. Told him I'd go down to the recruiter with him if he wanted. He has 15 years in so far.
ReplyDeleteGiven today's world, I've told my kids that I will help them with their plans, but that they!d better HAVE a plan.
ReplyDelete2020 is NOT 1980; I can't use my life story, as a template for theirs.
The truth is, our society has screwed our kids over, big time.
I grew-up on a farm.
ReplyDeleteMy four grandparents lived next door.
As soon as I could walk, my day began at 3am in the kitchen with the grannies and aunts.
After that, I worked alongside my grandfathers and uncles in the orchard, plumbing electrical mechanical carpentry.
Every hand was a helping hand.
I don't know any different.
A friend gave her new graduate a new suitcase and first-and-last months rent.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter barely graduated high school. Went to a community college. Told any course that she got less than a C in she would need to retake at her own expense before I paid any more tuition. She got a D and an Incomplete. End of tuition. Ended up working in a grocery store then a friend from church told me of a company hiring techs and giving OJT. Told my daughter about it. She got an interview and a job. This time took the ball and ran with it. Ended up getting certified as a pharmacy tech and a career in the medical field.
ReplyDeleteSee? Tough love does work. Props to you and your wife.
DeleteHell, I was raised to be independent, got my first job at a big grocery store at 14 years old. I worked there until I was pushing 18 and was trying some college. Vietnam was calling, so I joined up before draft told me. Never went back home to live, only visit. Since then I have worn out four wives and started six different businesses. Some were good some were bad, always made a living.
ReplyDeleteNow looking for a new online way to make money and start a new life again.
I kept telling my "bonus" kids (step kids) on your 18th birthday you're getting luggage for your gift.
ReplyDeleteThe bags will be PACKED with your shit.
-- while I was HALF joking, the other half was dead serious. I'd follow that up with well, maybe you could stay a bit if in college getting a REAL degree and doing WELL - but don't think for 1 second you'll sit on your arse and expect us to cater to you.
They got the message. Son in AF (28) daughter was more of a struggle but has finally figured out ain't going to happen (26) - I put mom on notice, if she asks to live here ("can't get a job wuflu bullshit) I asked mom, HOW will you respond bc she isn't going to be living here.
I should say they both finally got it - daughter got a good job a couple weeks ago in property mgmt.
How folks let their kids live at home I'll never understand - yes there are a few circumstance I know, but most are not.