Yep, I'm OCD too. Still funny as long as you don't screw up MY pie like that. Wife is almost that bad when cutting pie. She'll cut small pieces that aren't well centered.
Have a buddy who tells this story: he's an insurance guy and visits the regional office every couple of weeks, a 60 minute commute on the interstate. Right after the honeymoon he had to spend the day at regional-training or some shit like that-told his new honey he'd be home at 5pm. As this was in the era when few people had a cell phone, he couldn't call to say he'd be a few minutes late; traffic is always a bitch at rush hour. Got home at 5:15 and his new bride was livid as hell. He's a pretty mellow guy and never gets excited-to this day he says he still doesn't understand why she went off on him. I didn't have the heart to tell him that is probably why her husband before him finally got tired of her shit and divorced her. (Both at the time had young adult kids and were on their 2nd marriage).
#1 good idea. slice a heal off one end. Gut the white stuff out. Fill the loaf with Bacon, cheese, other meats, and slap on the heel with mustard then grab a six pack and chow down. .
#20 - once I was about 45 minutes late getting home on a Friday night. Bad ass traffic. Get home and my wife, now ex-wife, accused me of fucking around. Actually wanted to sniff my dick to see if it smelled like pussy. And yeah - I let her sniff it. That was better than arguing for the next 20 hours. At least I got a blow job out of it.
Great ones. I detect a small News Years Eve drama in some of them. Ken, thank you for bringing in a little light to these dark times.
ReplyDeletebrother, #16 and #20 would be hilarious, if not true...
ReplyDelete#12 That's not funny if you are OCD.
ReplyDeleteI am....it is!
DeleteYep, I'm OCD too. Still funny as long as you don't screw up MY pie like that. Wife is almost that bad when cutting pie. She'll cut small pieces that aren't well centered.
Delete#20
ReplyDeleteYep, if I was as much as 10 minutes "late" coming home from work, I'd get that routine.
One of many reasons she's the ex.
Have a buddy who tells this story: he's an insurance guy and visits the regional office every couple of weeks, a 60 minute commute on the interstate. Right after the honeymoon he had to spend the day at regional-training or some shit like that-told his new honey he'd be home at 5pm. As this was in the era when few people had a cell phone, he couldn't call to say he'd be a few minutes late; traffic is always a bitch at rush hour. Got home at 5:15 and his new bride was livid as hell. He's a pretty mellow guy and never gets excited-to this day he says he still doesn't understand why she went off on him. I didn't have the heart to tell him that is probably why her husband before him finally got tired of her shit and divorced her. (Both at the time had young adult kids and were on their 2nd marriage).
Delete#19 - is a fail because the refrieds are vegetarian.
ReplyDelete#12 - How'd you know that's how I cut pies, cakes and such?
re: #1.
ReplyDeleteBeen there, done that. (but lengthwise) That was an expensive sandwich in 1994 ...
#1 good idea. slice a heal off one end. Gut the white stuff out. Fill the loaf with Bacon, cheese, other meats, and slap on the heel with mustard then grab a six pack and chow down. .
ReplyDelete#20 - once I was about 45 minutes late getting home on a Friday night. Bad ass traffic. Get home and my wife, now ex-wife, accused me of fucking around. Actually wanted to sniff my dick to see if it smelled like pussy. And yeah - I let her sniff it. That was better than arguing for the next 20 hours. At least I got a blow job out of it.
ReplyDeleteYou guys picked up some serious disturbed women. And I thought mine was the top.
DeleteAs to #8:
ReplyDeleteFor every one they save, I'll kill and eat three.
#10 is the ALL-time winner. Congrats on surviving 2020 and a very Happy New Year to you & Ms Lisa.
ReplyDelete#1 There was a barbecue joint in Texas that used to cut the heel off, hollow the loaf, and fill it with pulled pork.
ReplyDeleteOh dear God. My mouth's watering.
DeleteChick in number 20 is she the one who got the vaccination on television?
ReplyDelete#8 I wear a "My food poops on your food" shirt to Whole Foods. Dives 'em crazy. Especially when I top it off with a MAGA mask and hat.
ReplyDelete