“The Bitch” has her uses. She’s helped me find my way to unknown destinations and out of places where I’m hopelessly lost. It doesn’t matter. I hate the very thought of her. She’s the worst nag since Eve made Adam slap on the fig leaf and remarked on how small it was. She’s Lilith and Delilah and the “What–ever Girl.” She’s the most passive-aggressive talker since the last speech by Barack Obama. She’s “The Bitch.”
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I've got a love/hate relationship with my GPS.
On one hand, it makes driving in unfamiliar areas a little easier.
On the other hand, it'll give me a different route to take home almost every time. There are places 40 miles away that I've been to a half dozen times, yet I've got to use the GPS to get home because it invariably sends me on a different route and anybody that knows me knows I have the sense of direction of a fucking rock. I regularly get lost in hospitals and shopping malls.
It also has a habit of sending me on some of the weirdest routes. For example, to get to Woody's house I have to drive down my road 4 miles, hang a right for a mile, then another right, doubling back up on Hwy 10. That's all on paved roads at 45-55 mph. If I listen to my GPS, I'll go down a mile, hang a right, hit a dirt road, follow that motherfucker all over Hell's Half Acre, ford a fucking creek (I'm not joking) that may or may not be passable depending on how much rain we've had before ending up on Hwy 10, the whole deal taking three times the time that it would've taken had I just used paved roads.
Same thing going to Red Boiling Springs, the only other town in my county. It's a no-brainer - take my road down to Hwy 52, bang a left, go straight to RBS. Using the GPS has me traveling down one lane roads past meth labs, dodging coon hounds chasing my truck for disturbing their naps in the middle of the road, and then I'll invariably get stuck behind a tractor doing 7 miles an hour for approximately 12.4 miles.
I have seen some beautiful country using it though, I'll admit to that.
Hopefully you know how to set preferences. My wife doesnt do expressways so she sets the garmin to avoid highways. She would rather spend 3 hours and 15 minutes driving to the kids house that takes me 1 hour and 50 minutes. After a couple of hairy experiences she has it avoid dirt roads- we ended up in a pasture one time.
ReplyDeleteMy GPS is a cheapo TomTom, so the preferences are limited. It might say "Your departure is from a dirt road" (my driveway), but that's about it. When I enter a destination, it gives me exactly 2 choices of routes to take. Sometimes those routes are nearly identical.
DeleteYeah, I could've picked a better one but I couldn't afford it at the time and as long as this one's still working, I won't buy another one. I don't spend enough time driving outside of my comfort area to justify it.
One, turn off the damned voice prompts.
DeleteTwo, learn to set a waypoint that will coerce the correct route. I shoot rifle at a small airport that is about 15 minutes away from where I shoot trap. So I set my destination as the airport, and then set a waypoint at my gun club. Works every time.
Without the waypoint, The Bitch routes me to the tollway, which is 15 miles further and no faster than the correct route. And usually slower depending on traffic. Took this route once. Once was enough.
[rocketride]
ReplyDeleteThe first thing I do when I get one is shut the voice off.
The newer ones at least handle deviations from the most excellent courses they've laid out with more aplomb. And don't usually give really wacky routes in the first place. There's probably a setting on yours to avoid using unpaved roads. (And one for toll roads, if you want to avoid those.)
I've thought for years I could make a few bucks by providing voice-over accents for upload to a GPS device. Humor is the idea rather than disparagement. Asian: "you stupid round eye, you miss turn" or Sultry: "hey big boy, nice hard left, now for some straight action". My missus thinks I'll make all of 25 cents as she says, when I practice them while driving, "stupid white boy, you drive on road titty".
ReplyDeleteI'd pay handsomely for a "William Shatner " voice on my gps
DeleteI drove well over a million miles in my yute, GPS free.
ReplyDeleteI guess I'm lucky to be alive.
Not having a GPS device, I subscribe to the Davy Crockett's line when he was asked if he'd ever been lost. He said, "no, but I was confused for three days one time". My wife says we're lost and I say, no, we're just seeing some new country.
ReplyDeleteI remember my days in the Boy Scouts. On a hike the Scoutmaster explained we were not lost. Simply temporarily disoriented.
Delete[rocketride]
DeleteRemember, not all who are lost wander.
GPS has its place. Traveling solo in my RV its good safety measure and has been helpful. I don’t have one in my airplane but have used them and again they have good points when flying, like fuel burn rates and true ground speed, ETC. its just a man made machine so it is limited by that. In the end I prefer a paper map that has contour lines. I’m a CAV scout and trust a map, watch and compass.
ReplyDeleteSaber 7
I've been using Wayze on my smartphone for as couple of years. It works amazingly well.
ReplyDeleteI use “Waze”.....phone based app.
ReplyDeleteEd357
I do too and have been very happy with it. Plus I think the British female voice, Carole, is pretty hot.
DeleteMy GPS is always muted. If I'm going somewhere I'm not familiar with I'll use paper maps until I'm close then use the Garmin.
ReplyDeleteI also wonder at what point these things become monetized. Does ad revenue influence the route suggested by the software? They can be handy but it's worthwhile to still have some old-school paper maps in your vehicle!
ReplyDeleteHazeGray
I don't have and I don't need one. Why? Because I can read a map. A truckers Rand-McNally or Delorme make excellent maps and I have one those in my vehicles. And yes, I use MapQuest or google-earth because I don't go anywhere unfamiliar without mapping out the route before hand.
ReplyDeleteThose DeLorme atlases are great, aren't they? They show every road, paved or not. They've kept me from getting seriously lost up in the mountains or desert more times than I can count.
DeleteBest thing about the GPS is traffic conditions ahead
DeleteI keep a Rand McNally 50 state roadmap book to plot interstate travels. This is backed up with Delorme map books for the states I visit frequently. Those provide detailed info about fire roads and jeep trails etc that do not appear on GPS screens.
ReplyDeleteMy GPS is a Garmin nuvi that has served me well. It offers several modes of travel- fastest, shortest etc, and can show nearby services and points of interest.
I have loaded waypoints, gas stops, rest areas, campsites and restaurants, as well as addresses and contact info of friends and businesses when I am on the road.
On occasion it has been baffled by new construction. I should look into updates.
In short, a very useful item.
We had something similar on the USS Dolphin AGSS555. A small diesel electric sub used for deep submersion studies. Sometimes when very deep she would announce " Flooding, flooding, flooding in the pump room!" and would force the boat to the surface. (There was never any flooding.) Or "Fire, fire, fire in the engine room!" Needless to say, her guts were ripped out after a few "episodes" like that.
ReplyDeleteI guess I'm just old fashioned. Ohio Guy
ReplyDeleteThanks. The conversation here was making me feel like the world was a tuxedo and I was a pair of brown shoes, as I don't own either a GPS unit or a 'smart' phone. Never will.
DeleteFunny thing. I've come across people who were lost in country I was born and raised in and when I try to help them get unlost they blow me off. Apparently they prefer to trust a gizmo that got them lost in the first place than to trust the directions of a stranger trying to help them. Fine and dandy.
My daughter, a former USAF navigator, got into an argument with her GPS (I don't remember the brand name) and the GPS after a few comments back and forth, said, "Well, it's your fault." My daughter switched to a British accented director and has had no problems.
ReplyDeleteI use the Navigator that comes with my cell phone. But prior to going on a road trip, I study a road atlas so I know when the bitch is giving me BS.
ReplyDeleteUseful for road delays and when used with Waze, useful for Oregon State Speed Traps
Forgot to add,. I was driving from Portlandia to Albany one time and the bitch told me to take the next exit for 99 South.
DeleteI'm like Fuck You Bitch, I know where I'm going.
Passed the offramp and about a mile down I5 the bitch informed me that traffic was backed up about 2 hours due to construction.
Fucking bitch even sounded happy.
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LOL on getting to Woody's! "Good Lord willing and the creek don't rise!"
ReplyDeleteWhen they know your political affiliation it will get even worse.
ReplyDelete