“The Bitch” has her uses. She’s helped me find my way to unknown destinations and out of places where I’m hopelessly lost. It doesn’t matter. I hate the very thought of her. She’s the worst nag since Eve made Adam slap on the fig leaf and remarked on how small it was. She’s Lilith and Delilah and the “What–ever Girl.” She’s the most passive-aggressive talker since the last speech by Barack Obama. She’s “The Bitch.”
*****
I've got a love/hate relationship with my GPS.
On one hand, it makes driving in unfamiliar areas a little easier.
On the other hand, it'll give me a different route to take home almost every time. There are places 40 miles away that I've been to a half dozen times, yet I've got to use the GPS to get home because it invariably sends me on a different route and anybody that knows me knows I have the sense of direction of a fucking rock. I regularly get lost in hospitals and shopping malls.
It also has a habit of sending me on some of the weirdest routes. For example, to get to Woody's house I have to drive down my road 4 miles, hang a right for a mile, then another right, doubling back up on Hwy 10. That's all on paved roads at 45-55 mph. If I listen to my GPS, I'll go down a mile, hang a right, hit a dirt road, follow that motherfucker all over Hell's Half Acre, ford a fucking creek (I'm not joking) that may or may not be passable depending on how much rain we've had before ending up on Hwy 10, the whole deal taking three times the time that it would've taken had I just used paved roads.
Same thing going to Red Boiling Springs, the only other town in my county. It's a no-brainer - take my road down to Hwy 52, bang a left, go straight to RBS. Using the GPS has me traveling down one lane roads past meth labs, dodging coon hounds chasing my truck for disturbing their naps in the middle of the road, and then I'll invariably get stuck behind a tractor doing 7 miles an hour for approximately 12.4 miles.
I have seen some beautiful country using it though, I'll admit to that.
