15) I'm really shocked that bitches that want to get laid don't go to a bar bearing sammiches. Then they'd shout, "Who want a sammiche?!" Blam! Laid right there.
18. Years of trying to convince my wife I don't read minds. This finally did it. She was having lunch with a friend (Ping). So, she asks me if I would like to come along. Well, it was a Saturday, I was otherwise unencumbered, I was hungry, Ping is a nice person, the restaurant was one of my favorites, I was being invited. So, I says yes and away we went.
We get home and my wife is pissed. Absolutely pissed. What gives? I ruined a perfectly good lunch where she was looking forward to girl talk. But, you invited me. I should have known she was only being polite. But, you INVITED me. I should have known.
Cut to the chase. She finally got it. If you ask me a question and I answer it, I reply to the question as it was asked and I act on the sentiment and my response. If you don't want me to accompany you, then don't invite me. If you don't like the couch, don't buy it because I like it. If you don't like the coffee table, then don't agree to buy it. If you mean yes, say yes; if you mean no, say no. I am a big boy and can deal with the truth. I don't guess and I don't read minds.
#7 - Funny thing is that pink tools don't get stolen. I once left my craftman 7/16" jointed wrench (about a $20 tool) on an I-beam somewhere on the jobsite. Still no idea where I left it, but it was returned to me the next day, one of the plumbers had found it. Because even on a jobsite with 400+ guys working on various crews, everyone knew who had the hot pink tools.
Those cans of hot pink marking paint (and the white regular spray paint for the undercoat) remain one of the best investments I've ever made. I mean, yeah, for the simpler tools (like that wrench) it's possible to clean the paint off, but like a lock is only good for keeping honest people honest, most people will return it instead.
The closest I got to being called gay for it was the one time when I was new, and loaded up into the company van for the final trip in from the parking lot, picked up another guy, and he said "Oh, looks like we need to get Debbie her tools." Turns out there was a gal on the crew who had her tools painted pink, and he thought they were hers. A natural enough mistake, though her tools were painted pink, not hot pink. And we all laughed and went on with the job.
I'm secure enough in my masculinity that I don't care, and the utility FAR outweighs any downsides.
#14
ReplyDelete#8 - winner! I am so tempted …
ReplyDelete#6. Is that Bob?
ReplyDeleteIt was, until he exhaled…
DeleteThat’s Matt
ReplyDelete15) I'm really shocked that bitches that want to get laid don't go to a bar bearing sammiches. Then they'd shout, "Who want a sammiche?!" Blam! Laid right there.
ReplyDelete#6 Nick Vujicic is more together than the lot of us. Seriously, there should be an entire nation of men such as he.
ReplyDelete#13 I had to look around the room and behind me before I laughed. I swear my wife reads my mind when I am laughing.
ReplyDelete#1 - the original version was a Putin meme.
ReplyDelete#7 - I wonder if this is real or an "Obvious plant". Definite win if real.
#9 - took a while to recall the slang usage.
18. Years of trying to convince my wife I don't read minds. This finally did it. She was having lunch with a friend (Ping). So, she asks me if I would like to come along. Well, it was a Saturday, I was otherwise unencumbered, I was hungry, Ping is a nice person, the restaurant was one of my favorites, I was being invited. So, I says yes and away we went.
ReplyDeleteWe get home and my wife is pissed. Absolutely pissed. What gives? I ruined a perfectly good lunch where she was looking forward to girl talk. But, you invited me. I should have known she was only being polite. But, you INVITED me. I should have known.
Cut to the chase. She finally got it. If you ask me a question and I answer it, I reply to the question as it was asked and I act on the sentiment and my response. If you don't want me to accompany you, then don't invite me. If you don't like the couch, don't buy it because I like it. If you don't like the coffee table, then don't agree to buy it. If you mean yes, say yes; if you mean no, say no. I am a big boy and can deal with the truth. I don't guess and I don't read minds.
Our life got better immediately after that.
That's one of the things I love about Lisa - she's straightforward, she says what she means with no guessing games.
Delete#7 - Funny thing is that pink tools don't get stolen. I once left my craftman 7/16" jointed wrench (about a $20 tool) on an I-beam somewhere on the jobsite. Still no idea where I left it, but it was returned to me the next day, one of the plumbers had found it. Because even on a jobsite with 400+ guys working on various crews, everyone knew who had the hot pink tools.
ReplyDeleteThose cans of hot pink marking paint (and the white regular spray paint for the undercoat) remain one of the best investments I've ever made. I mean, yeah, for the simpler tools (like that wrench) it's possible to clean the paint off, but like a lock is only good for keeping honest people honest, most people will return it instead.
The closest I got to being called gay for it was the one time when I was new, and loaded up into the company van for the final trip in from the parking lot, picked up another guy, and he said "Oh, looks like we need to get Debbie her tools." Turns out there was a gal on the crew who had her tools painted pink, and he thought they were hers. A natural enough mistake, though her tools were painted pink, not hot pink. And we all laughed and went on with the job.
I'm secure enough in my masculinity that I don't care, and the utility FAR outweighs any downsides.