VIDEO HERE (7 minutes)
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I'd suffered from hemorrhoids all of my young life until I finally went in and saw a doctor about it around 1988 or thereabouts.
Doc took one look and scheduled me for surgery. Not fiber treatment, not banding, but surgery. Let's cut that shit out.
It was by far the most painful experience of my life, before or since. My asshole's clenched shut right now just thinking about it.
I had this surgery in the 80s. I was bleeding profusely again a few years ago. The new surgeon used little rubber bands & the rhoids fell off. He told me the biggest cause for women was pregnancy & the biggest cause for men was sitting on the crapper too long, & stop using that donut to sit on too. Here all along I was taking leisurely shits while doing Sunday Xword puzzles thinking it was a good thing. I guess the science changed over 30 years. Quick shits now & no new rhoids for about 8 years.
ReplyDeleteWitch Hazel on your toilet paper - instant relief.
ReplyDeleteorlin sellers
Even better is Preparation H aloe wipes.
DeleteAbsolutely. Also, get a little syringe or eye dropper and put a small amount inside your bum, once or twice a day. Gone in a few days. Then once a week to prevent the blighters returning.
Deletehjets - Preparation H with or without aloe will make your roids worse over time.
DeleteWitch hazel, OTOH, is OK for daily topical use indefinitely.
Well ya know...86% of the worlds population has hemmeroids...and the other 14% are just perfect assholes!
ReplyDeleteHas the surgery back in the 80's. Got it from Mom sitting me on the pot (an actual pot, not the crapper) when I was being housebroken & we had no indoor plumbing/running water. Ever since I suffered from them.
ReplyDeleteSurgery did the trick but the healing process was excruciatingly painful. I recall my first BM after the surgery; I thought I would rip out the stitches and beside having stitches there was lots of swelling.
Nowadays they use rubber bands if the case isn't too serious but I doubt that would have worked for me.
My understanding is you shouldn't sit on the crapper for a movement longer than 5 minutes. I've used Tucks pads and witch hazel.
"It was by far the most painful experience of my life, before or since."
ReplyDeleteI can confirm that, but I would do it again to avoid the recurring pain of hemorrhoids.
Ben Gay works also!
ReplyDelete@luisOwwwwItBurns!
True story: Long ago, when I was an Operating Room Technician, a "Removal of Foreign Body from Rectum" was scheduled in my room. While I was setting up for the procedure, the surgeon came in and put some x-rays up on the viewer. The x-rays showed what appeared to be the tip of an aerial bomb within the patients pelvis. I asked the surgeon about it and he said ask the patient, who was being wheeled in to the room at that time. I moved near the patient, introduced myself and asked what we we're removing from his rectum. His dentures had been removed for surgery and in his toothless way he told me "I've got real bad hemorrhoids and I keep a bottle of Old Spice in my freezer..and I put a little Vaseline on the frozen bottle then put the bottle on my kitchen chair and I gently lower myself down on to the bottle to make my hemorrhoids smaller...except this time my arm slipped on the table and that frozen bottle of Old Spice ended up inside my butt...and it took about 1/2 hour until I could see straight and call my son to take me to the hospital...we successfully removed that bottle of Old Spice and it was later returned to the patient as he requested...
ReplyDeleteWell damn, glad everything came out alright. With a explanation that weird it's just gotta be true.
DeleteHemorrhoid sufferers, know that there IS indeed a light at the end of the tunnel
ReplyDeleteIn my early twenties I went to an old country Doc. I was bleeding pretty good and uncomfortable even after several doses of Prep H. He said I can give you medicine or take care of it. Apparently I had one huge hemorrhoid. I said take care of it. He cut me and next thing I knew he had a pair of forceps in my face and said, see this, it's a blood clot. He had cut and pulled it out of me. That was it, never had any trouble again. I'm gonna add this and probably many will think queer er some shit. I aint. I bought a cheap bidet years ago. It's called a Clearrear and runs about sixty or eight bucks. Ya can throw it on your toilet in about fifteen minutes. I'm telling ya this is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Zero, I mean absolutely no streaks in the shitters. Ya squirt yourself and you will be surprised how much debris, shit, comes off you. Two squares a toilet paper to dry which will be clean and yer good to go. I'm telling ya I am so impressed I got one on every shithouse in the house. No, I don't sell or own stock in the god damned things.
ReplyDeleteAint nothin wrong about a clean ass.
DeleteOhio Guy
Q- What do hemorrhoids and cowboy hats have in common?
ReplyDeleteA- Sooner or later every asshole has one.
Prep H doesn't work near as good since they took out the Shark Liver Oil.
ReplyDeleteI had a massive hemorrhoid in 1983, but we got divorced in '84 and I've been fine ever since.
ReplyDeleteBaDUMP Tiiisssh.
Deletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oShTJ90fC34
In late 60,s I was maning a AA gun in Kwang Ju, Korea the young Korean assigned to me ask me to get him a cigar kind of stunned I said what for, Momasan need for kun digge (ass hole) finally was able to figured out used for hemorrhoids relief between me and some other GI,s we managed to get about 20 I made a friend over cigars never will forget. Spelling probably wrong for Korea words.
ReplyDeleteok boys & girls; here's yer Bible study for the month! = Seems THE LORD has more than one way to get a fella's attention, wot?
ReplyDelete