Pages


Tuesday, June 28, 2022

Justifiable Homicide

ATLANTA — A woman died, and another was injured Sunday after an argument over how much mayonnaise to put on a sandwich turned violent at a Subway restaurant in Atlanta, according to police and WSB-TV.

*****

My ex-wife slopped that shit on everything. We went through more mayonnaise in a month than I did in a year before I met her.
About the only thing I'll use it on is a ham or bologna sandwich, but she'd slather it on everything. I almost exploded when I saw her smearing it on a fucking steak, and in a restaurant no less. It was almost a race to see who'd beat her ass first, me or the waiter. I know he was wondering what she was going to use it on when she asked him for it. Well, he found out.

27 comments:

  1. Good Lord! She put mayonnaise on everything? Didn't she know you're supposed to put ketchup on everything? (:-)

    (I once saw a cartoon of three men sitting at a table. One man was pouring ketchup over a second man's head, while the third explained "Fred puts ketchup on everything." No, it wasn't an ad.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. One should NEVER put ketchup on a hot dog. NEVER. Doing so is an abomination unto The Lord.

      Delete
    2. Had a friend who would put ketchup on a balogna sandwich,
      Daryl

      Delete
    3. Brad, Unless said hot dog is itself cover with corn bread.
      In which case mustard is the sin.

      Delete
    4. My kids always wanted to put ketchup on eggs. I refused them that indulgence by telling them that if God had wanted them to put ketchup on eggs, he would have put a tomato inside the eggshell. At least it gort them to think.

      Nemo

      Delete
    5. Yet salsa on eggs is delightful.

      Delete
  2. Couple years ago, my 86 yo White mother drove the wrong way around a bank near downtown ATL. A middle aged Black women in a Lexus came around at the same time. My mother waved to the woman to move over. The lady instead got out of her car and started screaming at my mother. Luckily, a Black bank guard who saw this on video, came rushing out and got the woman to calm down and back in her car. My mother moved to the suburbs to live with my sister. ATL is a cesspool, was once a great city, but 50 years of Dem control has ruined it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. To paraphrase Jerry Garcia (who was commenting on licorice): Not everybody likes mayonnaise, but people who like mayonnaise really like mayonnaise.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Or in Minnesota... Ranch dressing.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Had a sister in law that put ketchup on everything. Taters, steak, vegetables you name it. I tried to avoid the table when she ate with us. Grossed me out.

    ReplyDelete
  6. My home town. P.S. My son puts hot sauce on everything. Even his kids joke about it.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Red neck health tip of the day: substitute horseradish sauce for mayo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whut? That's a redneck thing? One more piece of evidence I'm a redneck.

      But horseradish can get out of control. The first time we went to a steakhouse together I got "lots of horseradish, please" which came in a dish of its own. The Pretty Korean Girl said, "What's that? Can I try?" And scooped out a spoonful and popped it into her mouth before I could warn her. "Hmmm. Interesting. Kinda spicy."
      Now I'm not gonna get upstaged by a gurrrrl, so I did the same. Damn but it was strong. I took a quick swig of beer. That was a bad idea. Apparently fresh-ground horseradish plus beer makes a foam (think Mentos and Diet Coke). The foam drove the horseradish into my sinuses and I was in agony. I put my napkin over my mouth and nose, and leaking snot, horseradish foam, and tears, staggered off to the bathroom. That was over 8 years ago. The memory still makes her laugh.

      @Kenny. Tell me she didn't put the mayo on her WELL-DONE steak. That's two mortal sins.

      Delete
    2. Well done, oh yeah. I've seen her send steak back because it wasn't cooked enough, then she'd bitch because it was tough.

      And I learned a long time ago that there's 2 Asian countries you don't want to underestimate when it comes to spicy food and that's Koreans and Thai.

      Delete
    3. Someone once pointed out to me that the closer you get to the equator, the spicier the food. His explanation was that the hot food made you sweat and that cooled you by evaporation. I still think that answer is shaky at best, but the correlation with the latitude seems correct.

      Delete
  8. About four months ago, I bought my first jar of mayonnaise in years, maybe decades.
    It's still taking up space in the fridge. Probably should toss it.
    I can't remember what I bought it for, maybe just a momentary lapse at the store.
    Or maybe, I was feeling French and thought about fryin' some taters. (No, not really.)

    ReplyDelete
  9. The rainbow word on the street is using mayonaise as a lube before anal sex will kill the Monkey Pox virus.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Something tells me knee-grows were involved in the dispute.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Po-leece chief says "do not pick up guns." It's just possible the shooter had picked up a gun before leaving the house.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Lightly toast your cheese sandwich with butter. Apply a thin coat of mayo and retoast.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Look at the first ingredient on that crap. That's right - soy oil.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Ranch dressing is just Mayonaise with flavorings. Knew someone that would dip her pizza in ranch, nasty.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Bruce Willis said it best in 'The Whole Nine Yards' -- I'm gonna keep the coke and the fries but I'm gonna send this burger back. If you put any mayonnaise on it, I'm gonna come over to your house, chop your legs off, set your house on fire, and watch as you drag your bloody stumps out of your house. Okay? Pierre?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Okay, I get it that a lot of these comments are tongue-in-cheek, but why does anyone give a single shit what someone else puts on THEIR sandwich?

    Now, if I had ordered a burger without mayo or mustard or ketchup, and it came with one of those condiments on it, yes, I would send it back. But if you like that stuff on your eggs, steak, burger or other, then it's NOT mine or anyone else's business.

    Geeze, people. Free American citizens are allowed to have different tastes than you or I.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Because I have to think about that nasty shit in their mouth.

      Delete

All comments are moderated due to spam, drunks and trolls.
Keep 'em civil, coherent, short, and on topic.