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Tuesday, August 09, 2022

Sometimes I hate that fucking dog

Just got back from the vet's office getting that asshole dog Jack's shots. Whew.

He was all happy and shit to go for a ride but when I pulled into the parking lot of the vet's, he looked at me and said "Aw, hell no." It has been a freaking year since he's been there but he still remembers it.

I normally have him dismount from the truck through the back passenger door on the curb side to keep him from dashing out into traffic, therefore extending his life by about 1.5 seconds, so naturally that SOB went over to the driver's side and curled up into a tight little ball. I went to the driver's side and he went to the passenger's side. We did that 4-5 times before I got pissed and grabbed a rear leg to ease him out.

I finally got him out of the truck but couldn't get him into the office, so I walked him back and forth past the door a few times, then on the last pass I snatched the door open and shoved him inside before he could react.

He hit the scale. I no longer have a 75 pound pit, now I've got an 85 pound pit.

One of the vet techs that gave him his shots a couple years ago walked out and saw him sitting there and went "Oh, hell."
I feel ya, darlin'.

A couple of minutes later the cutie at the desk said they were ready for him so would I please come this way? 
He wasn't having none of that shit and dug in. I tried pulling and pulling and couldn't budge him, so I had to pick up that growling, snarling 85 pound asshole dog and physically carry him to the exam room. The girl started laughing when I told them they really needed to invest in some slippery floors.
I failed to see the humor in it.

Once he was in there, they gave us a few minutes so I could calm him down, and he did. At least until they sent in two brand new girls to give him his shots. That's it, send in the newbies. These poor kids couldn't have been more than 18 years old and I could tell by the expressions on their faces they had obviously been briefed on his assholiness.

One of the girls hands me a cloth muzzle and tells me to slip it on. Yeah, right. I handed it back and told her I wasn't afraid of him, but I need to talk with him and would they please excuse my language?
"Jack, if you don't calm the fuck down and I mean right now, I'm gonna kick your ass." He sat down and ducked his head into my lap. I grabbed him by the collar and told the girls to go for it.

"I don't see how you did that," one of the girls said when they were done.
"What?" I asked.
"He had his head buried in your crotch, growling, and you act like that's an every day thing." She looked seriously amazed.
"Well, I guess he believed me when I told him I was going to kick his ass then. Come on, Jack, let's go home. I'll drive."



30 comments:

  1. Thanks Ken.....

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  2. LOL "Assholiness"! Good work. --nines

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    1. I don't know how else to describe his attitude.

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  3. I was blessed with a little vet tech for a couple of years that my Shepherd was in love with. That young lady could do anything she needed to with her. I had mixed emotions when she got a scholarship to A & M for veterinary medicine. Eod1sg Ret

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  4. Sounds like quite an improvement from the last episode… did you reward him by any chance? Baby steps basket cases I’ve found.
    Klaus

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    1. I don't reward bad behavior. I was extra nice to him all morning and then he's gotta be a dick?
      I'm treating him normally now that he's home, though.

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  5. Who’s a good boy, you gave him some treats didn’t you!,

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    1. Fucking dog will be lucky if he gets fed tomorrow.

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  6. Write the damn book already Ken!

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  7. Your prose is eloquent and very "mental picture " I laughed so hard that my eyes teared so considerably that I enjoyed th story many times.

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  8. Ken, every time you have me in stitches with story's about Jack.
    My lab loves the vet for some reason and we have had to drag him out with the staff shutting the door after us. he then plonks his butt outside the door and whines to get back in.

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    1. I've never had a dog that was so afraid of the vet before and I don't know why. If it wasn't such a damned fight to get him out of the truck and into the office I'd take him by once a week just to get him used to it.

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  9. You're lucky. My daughter's dog (pound mutt) that I was tasked with taking to the vet (1st time) would dig his heels in to ..... and then proceed to piss everywhere..... all over my seat...... He's been with us 2 years now - no more peeing but I've learned to have him go pee before getting in the truck (gotta empty his magazine). Thanks for the laugh! Dog stories, I could read them all day. Give Jack a head pat for me.

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  10. Kenny is right. Funny as it was, Jack went full asshole until he was made to realize his mistake and only very narrowly avoided getting his ass kicked. So keeping it normal is the right move. No ass kicking, but definitely not treat-worthy. Maybe next time he will deserve a treat. Heh, probably not, but definitely maybe. --nines

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  11. Love your management style! Do it or else!

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  12. Please write the book, already.

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  13. Believe it or not, we LOVE these stories - not because of love, but because we've been there!

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  14. Ken, you should think about a second career as an animal psychologist…

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  15. Oh hell. The wife and I just laughed so hard we cried. Kenny, write the book. With the proceeds you could hire someone, annually of course, to make that trip with his assholiness for you.

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  16. Tee Hee Hee! Atta Boy, wouldn't want to jeopardize your rep Jack!!

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  17. Kenny if you want to make your life easy, take Jack to the vet and arrange to have all the vet techs give him treats. That's it. Just treats and lovin'. Do this about 5 or 6 times over a month and he'll be waiting for you in the truck. Just change what he associates the vet with. If he's not reacting badly to the shots or the checkup, then it's something else in his past. You can change that by replacing it with something better.

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  18. Don’t be such a badass, we know you’d be crushed without that dog. At least, I know. I’ve been there and way past it.

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  19. I seriously think you could publish a book with your stories about the adventures with your dogs. I believe they are my favorite part of your blog. Always a great story. Glad everyone, including your crotch survived the vets office.

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  20. Its all in the tone of the voice. I know when people talk in the same tone as my wife I have trouble hearing them.

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  21. If anything happened to Jack you would be on the floor crying like a little girl.

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  22. My dog was well known at the vet, on account of all the things that were wrong with him in the last 5 years of his life. He got a lot of blood glucose checks (I could theoretically do that myself, but if he didn't want to get pricked in his ear, then he wasn't gonna get pricked in his ear, and this was always) and afterwards he'd expectantly stare at the doctor or tech until he got a treat.

    Everybody knew it's "against the rules" to give a treat to a diabetic dog, but the result was he never minded going there at all, and it made it a lot easier to draw his blood Westies are so unfamously uncooperative at that that they have a restraint technique named after them, one I know all too well.

    Being able to just grab them is also an upside to having a smaller dog. My brother's half St. Bernard is a 1 year old monster who will dislocate your shoulder and take you right off your feet if you're not ready for him.

    The prices though. Every time I bought insulin it was more. Started at under $100 CAD for 10 vials of the stuff in 2017 and the last time (early this year) was over $140, plus tax. Same with the meds. Some meds you can get filled at your local pharmacy which in my case was A LOT cheaper, but any veterinary specific stuff and there's not much choice.

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