9) Real redneck sayings I've personally heard at work: "I wish I had a dose of the clap so something would be running around here" "I haven't had this much fun since the hogs ate my brother" "I can't come to work 'cause I lost my teeth in the garden" "I can't come to work 'cause I been in a poker game all night and the guns are on the table" I have more.
If you "round up" to the next dollar...that doesn't seem like much. But, when you realize that lots and lots of folks do, the COMPANY IS GOING TO HAVE A GREAT TAX DEDUCTION....then no, not on my dime.
Do your boobs hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow? Can you throw 'em over your shoulder Like a continental soldier? Do your boobs hang low? -lg
#10 we have one of those toys for the dogs. I told my wife, if you walked into someones house and saw that on the floor, while pointing to the 20" long green dog toy with ball ends on it laying on our floor, would you or would you not think the dog stole a sex toy out of the bedroom. Her reply, well now i will. Thanks, that's gonna be stuck in my head.
Here’s one my Dad used say when I smarted off to him (if he didn’t knock me into next week) “boy why don’t you jump in my pocket and see how far your ears stick out”. I have never figured that one out
#9) It was so cold I was shivering like a dog trying to shit razor blades. (An impossible endeavor) has about as much chance as a one legged cat trying to bury a turd on a frozen pond. It was so hot I was sweating like a (teenager) trying to read. MH
#2 I think it's to protect their car from others doors. I used to see a little faggot with a similiar car, puke green, and he had noodles like for swimming stuck somehow on both sides.
#3. In the Portland Airport area, driving an expensive car, there is a most attractive, physically fit, well groomed and dressed, young Obama daughter I've seen parking like that at Costco. Also saw her pull up a handicap sticker so she could take a handicap spot that was further from the door than any of the empty spaces next to her.
#2: I've seen this happen at Costco. Early morning in an empty lot even.
#3: I don't remember being asked to donate at the checkout until the tsunami of 2004. Some miserable cashier at Office Depot asking me if I wanted to donate to some disaster relief and she scowled at me when I said no. That polarized me right on the spot. I was in a mood so I stared at her until she looked away.
These days it's part of the training for them to ask, like offering the deal of the week or it's free. I don't trust that any money people donate at the checkout gets to where it's supposed to.
#9 Rednecks tend to be, how should I say this, rather unique.....
ReplyDeleteI've learned much living in the South for my adult life
Delete"If it was rainin' pussies I'd look up and catch one with a dick broke off in it.."
DeleteI have been told by several people "I've never met anyone like you" I just smile and say "And you never will again"
DeleteHTR
I wuz so scared, I’s shakin like a dawg shittin a peach pit
Delete"Hotter than a 10 peckered Billy goat" North Arkansas saying
Delete9) Real redneck sayings I've personally heard at work:
ReplyDelete"I wish I had a dose of the clap so something would be running around here"
"I haven't had this much fun since the hogs ate my brother"
"I can't come to work 'cause I lost my teeth in the garden"
"I can't come to work 'cause I been in a poker game all night and the guns are on the table"
I have more.
Bless your heart.
DeleteIf no one else says it, I think they are worth a read.
Delete#3 they want me to donate for diabetics, I'm diabetic and the grocery stores have never given me any money
ReplyDeleteIf you "round up" to the next dollar...that doesn't seem like much. But, when you realize that lots and lots of folks do, the COMPANY IS GOING TO HAVE A GREAT TAX DEDUCTION....then no, not on my dime.
Delete@#2 I’ve seen idiots take up four parking spaces.
ReplyDeleteThat’s a new one though.
Helluva way to prevent door dings
Delete-lg
#10 now do a Kong full of peanut butter.
ReplyDeleteEastwood
My favorite that I have used at work when something that was said/done cant be un-said/done... "You cant get the shit back in the horse"
ReplyDeleteOverheard at work, "Dang, I wish they made steel toed flipflops".
ReplyDelete#9): "She was so ugly the train jumped the track & ran down a dirt road."
ReplyDelete"She thought she was the cutest thing ever shat between two Brogans."
#8 Dems are what we call flapjacks.
ReplyDeleteDo your boobs hang low?
DeleteDo they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot?
Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Can you throw 'em over your shoulder
Like a continental soldier?
Do your boobs hang low?
-lg
#4--yes, as long as they don't call you re-tardy.
ReplyDelete--Tennessee Budd
If I tell you a chicken dips snuff you better look under his wing for a box! Personal favorite!
ReplyDeleteWhen something is tight....That's as tight as a preacher's dick in a school teacher!
ReplyDeleteMy favorite southern-ism is that it’s hotter than two rats f-cking in a wool sock.
ReplyDelete#10 we have one of those toys for the dogs. I told my wife, if you walked into someones house and saw that on the floor, while pointing to the 20" long green dog toy with ball ends on it laying on our floor, would you or would you not think the dog stole a sex toy out of the bedroom. Her reply, well now i will. Thanks, that's gonna be stuck in my head.
ReplyDeleteHere’s one my Dad used say when I smarted off to him (if he didn’t knock me into next week) “boy why don’t you jump in my pocket and see how far your ears stick out”. I have never figured that one out
ReplyDeleteOne from my dad: I am so broke that if turkey was 5 cents a pound I'd have to stand on my tiptoes to kiss a hummingbird's ass.
ReplyDelete#9 "Ugly as the rainy side of a mud fence."
ReplyDeleteAlein
#9)
ReplyDeleteIt was so cold I was shivering like a dog trying to shit razor blades.
(An impossible endeavor) has about as much chance as a one legged cat trying to bury a turd on a frozen pond.
It was so hot I was sweating like a (teenager) trying to read.
MH
Or
DeleteIt was so hot, I was sweating like a hooker in church.
-lg
7, fine.
ReplyDelete#2 I think it's to protect their car from others doors. I used to see a little faggot with a similiar car, puke green, and he had noodles like for swimming stuck somehow on both sides.
ReplyDeleteheh
Delete#3. In the Portland Airport area, driving an expensive car, there is a most attractive, physically fit, well groomed and dressed, young Obama daughter I've seen parking like that at Costco. Also saw her pull up a handicap sticker so she could take a handicap spot that was further from the door than any of the empty spaces next to her.
ReplyDeleteOnes from my Appalachian youth:
ReplyDelete"Thats slicker than goose shit on a doorknob"
"Its hotter than a fresh fucked fox in a forest fire"
#2: I've seen this happen at Costco. Early morning in an empty lot even.
ReplyDelete#3: I don't remember being asked to donate at the checkout until the tsunami of 2004. Some miserable cashier at Office Depot asking me if I wanted to donate to some disaster relief and she scowled at me when I said no. That polarized me right on the spot. I was in a mood so I stared at her until she looked away.
These days it's part of the training for them to ask, like offering the deal of the week or it's free. I don't trust that any money people donate at the checkout gets to where it's supposed to.