I've pretty much posted everything that I already posted on Facebook before they threw a hissy fit and kicked me off, so now it's just a collection of shit I've picked up along the way.
#20 ....and then go home and try to forget about spending the last half hour trying to save you while your family was watching from the doorway of the adjoining room.
Yeah, I've had to console and comfort family members many times. It's actually easy to do when they are complete strangers. You can be sincere without any emotional involvement. It really sucks when you know the family, the wife is a nurse that started CPR prior to our arrival, we have to call it... and it's Christmas Eve.
I died on Xmas Eve during open heart surgery. Two days later (when I was awake) they and my spouse told me that I was gone and they brought me back. Me: If you did that in April people would have written a bible about me. My wife: Well dying has not cured you of being an asshole. Me: Does she work here, because she's a shitty volunteer? Dr.: Are you two really married? My wife: Oh, sweet Jesus, yes.
“I’m allergic to alcohol” yeh, thats what I tell folks. If they pursue it I tell’m that I break out in a case of the dumb asses when I drink. Been sober over 49 years
In the early 70s there was a Steak house in Honolulu called The Black Angus. A group of black sailors were in hysterics taking turns getting their picture taken in front of the sign. Took me a few days to figure out they were taking turns standing in front of the letter 'G'.
#20 ....and then go home and try to forget about spending the last half hour trying to save you while your family was watching from the doorway of the adjoining room.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I've had to console and comfort family members many times. It's actually easy to do when they are complete strangers. You can be sincere without any emotional involvement. It really sucks when you know the family, the wife is a nurse that started CPR prior to our arrival, we have to call it... and it's Christmas Eve.
I died on Xmas Eve during open heart surgery. Two days later (when I was awake) they and my spouse told me that I was gone and they brought me back.
DeleteMe: If you did that in April people would have written a bible about me.
My wife: Well dying has not cured you of being an asshole.
Me: Does she work here, because she's a shitty volunteer?
Dr.: Are you two really married?
My wife: Oh, sweet Jesus, yes.
I' stealing this, Rev. No harm intended.
DeleteOkay, you won the Internet, possibly for all time. Even if NOT true, it's the funniest story EVER.
Delete16) Sometimes redheads can be more fun.
ReplyDeleteSometime? What is wrong with you! ;-)
Delete“I’m allergic to alcohol” yeh, thats what I tell folks. If they pursue it I tell’m that I break out in a case of the dumb asses when I drink. Been sober over 49 years
ReplyDeleteQuitter...uh, I mean congratulations.
DeleteI missed all these the first go round.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reposting.
#2, baby, #2... corners of my mouth up to my eyebrows.
ReplyDelete#6 - just be happy it didn't scan for something like $8.99
ReplyDeleteI can relate to #2 and #14.
ReplyDeleteHeh. Found out that I'm allergic to alcohol, too - I break out in handcuffs.
ReplyDelete-Kv
A friend was asked to make a sign for Ed & Peni's nursery. He asked them if maybe they should change the name to Peni & Ed's. They agreed.
ReplyDeleteIn the early 70s there was a Steak house in Honolulu called The Black Angus. A group of black sailors were in hysterics taking turns getting their picture taken in front of the sign. Took me a few days to figure out they were taking turns standing in front of the letter 'G'.
ReplyDelete