20). Sammich maker #3 because she does it all; including buying the groceries and then doing the dishes after I eat. She also provided a pre-opened cold one and turned on my favorite TV show.
#17: I fully expect my guardian angel to savagely beat me after I die. Keeping me from dying by my own stupid hands was a full time job until I was well into my 30s. I've actually apologized to him/her several times over the years.
#18: If I'm alone and I have nowhere to be, I'll take $1,200. Hell, missing flights used to be my thing, usually because I was in the bar drinking and forgot what time zone I was in.
#6 Did Joe Piscopo bang Space Lizard Zuckerberg when it was in the female stage?
ReplyDelete20). Sammich maker #3 because she does it all; including buying the groceries and then doing the dishes after I eat. She also provided a pre-opened cold one and turned on my favorite TV show.
ReplyDeleteIt's OK. You can wake up now.
Delete#1 is quieter than #3 and costs significantly less.
DeleteI'm an idiot.... After reading Anonymous 8:25's comment, I scrolled up to meme #1
Delete#3 can be used to warm your wiener without ruining it. Arty
DeleteSomeone thinks its still 1959.
Delete5, 10 and 13 are the best today!
ReplyDeleteKari
#20 - #3, of course.
ReplyDelete1,2, and 4. They are hassle free, do their job and you can pull the plug to shut them off.
ReplyDelete#4 given the average wal mart stocker she could be right.
ReplyDelete#2: Because ZZ Top would have told Yoko Ono to fuck right off.
ReplyDeleteI've heard Paul McCartney tell a story about how they sent John to Yoko as a total joke, and things didn't go as expected.
Delete#15 is too relatable.
ReplyDeleteThats pretty funny if Paul really said that…
ReplyDeleteKlaus
His Massive Ego would never allow it
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete13 some Wilmington can't make sammiches
ReplyDeleteZZ top, you mean Led Zeppelin don't ya?
ReplyDelete11... and here I thought that only happened to me.
ReplyDelete-lg
#5,13: clever
ReplyDelete#8: HE washing machines can hold a ton of stuff.
#17: I fully expect my guardian angel to savagely beat me after I die. Keeping me from dying by my own stupid hands was a full time job until I was well into my 30s. I've actually apologized to him/her several times over the years.
#18: If I'm alone and I have nowhere to be, I'll take $1,200. Hell, missing flights used to be my thing, usually because I was in the bar drinking and forgot what time zone I was in.