Dive bars generally aren’t the best smelling of places. Stale beer, sweat, and (often) despair linger in the air, but the beers are cheap and the company is largely non-judgmental.
If you just can’t get enough of that scent, though, Miller High Life is rolling out a cologne that will let you proudly wear it around town. Miller High Life Dive Bar-Fume will go on sale tomorrow. A bottle will run you $40 (which would buy a lot of beer at most dive bars).
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I'm sorry, but this is the gayest shit I've ever heard of. I've spent my share of time in dive bars when I was younger and I'm here to tell you, if you walked into any of them smelling of patchouli and Champaca blossom (whatever the fuck that is) you're gonna get your ass beat.
A real dive bar smells like whiskey, stale beer, tobacco and sweat. Period.
Don't forget flatulence and the occasionial moist dog. At least we think it's a dog. It's hairy, lays under the table, eats scraps and sniffs butts and crotches. We hope it's a dog.
ReplyDeletenah, that's no dog, it's LOHretta the waitress working her 3rd job tidying up the place, keping it all homey and such.⁶
ReplyDeleteA Great dive bar is one you wake up the next morning and still smell of beer and cigarettes... and you aren't sure who the woman in bed with you is...
ReplyDeleteGB
No hanging scent of old urine?
ReplyDeleteYeah- the piss smell is a must…
DeleteIf the cologne scent is modeled after those in the crapper of a Lesbian watering hole it might be interesting.
ReplyDeleteThey forgot hairspray, weed and cigarette smoke. Cheap perfume.
ReplyDeleteOpen up the window
DeleteLet some air into this room
I think I'm almost chokin'
From the smell of stale perfume
And that cigarette you're smokin'
'Bout scared me half to death
Open up the window, sucker!
Let me catch my breath
[Chorus]
Mama told me not to come
Mama told me not to come
"That ain't the way to have fun, son"
"That ain't the way to have fun, son" (She said, oh yeah!)
These fucking faggots are all about "authenticity" and long for the "adventure and style" their mommas never let them have because they might hurt themselves.
ReplyDeleteThe next few years will kill many of them off, along with a lot of the rest of us, and I accept that.
I'll die knowing I never used "dive bar" cologne or Busch-scented soap.
A real dive bar ya could hear the soles of your shoes ripping from the dried and spilt beer on the floor. That is unless they had sawdust on the floor and dropped peanut shells.
ReplyDeletePairs well with those vagina-scented candles.
ReplyDeleteThere's a big difference between the smell of tobacco and the smell of old tobacco smoke. If you want to smell like your favorite dive bar, just wear the same jacket every time you go there and never wash it.
ReplyDeleteI do that anyway. My beloved suede bomber jacket has only been washed once, by a rainstorm, 27 years ago. Dogs love it.
DeleteCan't be any worse than "Big Box Store BO" scent.
ReplyDelete- WDS
At least they're admitting they can't call it beer.
ReplyDelete