Folks often don’t understand the rather complex and deep rules of etiquette in the rural South.
We believe in showing respect the way our mama taught us to, so here are some rules that might help you understand our ways.
-WiscoDave
*****
The author pretty much nails it but I'll throw out a couple observations.
That whole waving at each other while in your trucks...... It's only on rural roads, never on a numbered highway and hardly ever in town. Plus it's only from truck to truck, never in cars, occasionally in SUVs and only man to man, never women. I have never had a single woman wave to me in the entire time I've lived here.
Sir, Ma'am, and Miss: Manners count. You call every older man sir until told different or until the other gentleman introduces himself. Younger guys..... I still call them sir and they sir me back. Once we introduce ourselves, it's first names, Bubba or Buddy. Younger folks, but especially the ladies, will address you by your first name but preface it with Mister if they know your name but aren't genuine friends. For instance, at LadyDoc's office, Miss Casey behind the counter calls me Mister Ken, and we've known each other for almost 10 years. Hell, even LadyDoc calls me Mister Ken and I call her Miss Jenifer.
Women are a little different but there's no hard and fast rules. Call the younger women Miss regardless if they're sporting a ring or have kids with them. Middle aged women are ma'am or Mrs if you know their last name until they tell you different. Older women you always call ma'am until they tell you otherwise, then you preface their given name with Miss. The woman across the road is Kathy, her 90 year old mother is Miss Catherine.
As long as I'm on the subject of names, proper names are a thing around here. I can tell somebody my name is Ken and they'll still call me Kenneth. No big deal, it's hard to get upset with somebody calling me by my birth name. By the same token I know a Lawrence, a William, and a Timothy.
Language: You absolutely do not cuss here in public, even if you're with a friend lest you be overheard by somebody else. We don't even have foul language on bumper stickers. Not once in the past 4 years have I seen a Fuck Joe Biden bumper sticker even though this is a heavily Red area. I have seen plenty of Let's Go Brandon stickers, though - it's the same sentiment, just a little more polite.
When I was in California, I wore a patch over the breast pocket of my work coat that read 'I'm Just Here To Fuck Shit Up' and I wore it everywhere without a second thought. After we moved here and the weather turned cool, I put my coat on and went to town. I was getting all kinds of cold looks until I realized what I'd done and took the patch off.
Opening doors isn't anything new to me. I'll hold the door open for anybody and always have. The difference here is I'll get a smile and a thank you instead of a dirty look like I got in California.
Nobody here in Macon County flashes their lights to warn about cops because everybody here just pokes along as it is. Besides, everybody know where all the speed traps are anyway. Hell, I wave at the parked cops as I drive past and they wave back at me.
Guns - everybody carries them, mostly concealed but sometimes openly, and it's bad form to comment on somebody's gun or obvious bulge or to focus on it. Just ignore other folks' guns just like they're ignoring yours.
This is good stuff. Save civlization one small step at a time.
ReplyDeleteSame in Alabama. Great places to live, particularly small towns.
ReplyDeleteOne of my strangest encounters was in LA, Lower Alabama. I was at a baseball field one Saturday afternoon watching the boys play ball and looking for a place to sit. There was a much older than me black gentleman kinda sitting off by himself in the bleachers... It was pretty crowded that day so I ask him if he was saving the spot for anyone.. His response to me was "no sir, you sit here if you want so I did.. We had a nice conversation about the game, the day and a bunch of other stuff always had him calling me Mr or sir, he was at least 25 years older than me.. I of course returned the courtesy and several times said you can just call me by my first name.. He wouldn't hear of it.
DeleteJD
I live in Michigan but I try to do the same things. I thank my parents for that, they were just working class, but they were also very good people. I am grateful to them everyday for the fantastic job they did in teaching me how to be a decent human being.
ReplyDeleteWe aren't quite as formal in Louisiana as some southern dates but then we aren't like most other southerners...We do greet people when we see each other.. cussing depends on where you are and what's going on.. We will pull over for funeral processions and lots of old timers will remove their cap/hat if they are wearing one. even in their vehicles. Ma'am, miss, sir is common as well as nicknames... You will also hear Ti, same as little such as Ti Bob. French is still in use so expressions usually will have that in it .
ReplyDeleteThere's a big list but just act right and everything will be fine
JD
Waving motorbike to motorbike? Up here in the Alberta county of the 51st state, we do kind of a left hand down and slightly out peace symbol or two finger salute, but only when it's safe to ride one handed for a bit.
ReplyDeleteFor a while the cubic inchers would not acknowledge us Metrics, but they've mellowed in my 55 years of biking.
I don't know for sure since it's been 45 years since my ass has hit a bike seat but I imagine they do wave at each other. Every other place I've ever lived, including California, they do the same wave you describe.
Deletemy biggest gripe around here is that in the last five years the "f" word has become normal. t-shirts, bumper stickers, tv, dinner in public with kids around. that, and since covid nobody makes eye contact, smiles and says hello at the grocery store like they did prior. its sad.
ReplyDeleteI have heard it described in articles as the "coarsening" of our language. I do know that my parents passed away when I was 53 and 54, and I never swore in front of either one of them. It was not something that they insisted on, just a matter of respect.
DeleteAnd I always hate it when I hear some of the younger people using foundry language out on the streets. I am a Christian and went to Bible college in the 80's, but I still managed to use foul language when I got molten steel down a glove or dropped a heavy tool on my foot. But never on the street, and not in front of my wife either. Again it is all about respect.
In my experience in Okie land your list is very accurate, although we do wave at the cars on the dirt roads
ReplyDeleteThey do here also. Sorry if I implied otherwise.
DeleteI was going to comment that driving through Nebraska, a very cute, young woman in a car waved at me on a dirt road. Being from California, I was caught off guard.
DeleteI've waved at trucks with women drivers just out of reflex but I've never had one wave back.
DeleteI do infrequent dog rescue drives from BH over to Wyoming, Nebraska, Colorado. I avoid interstates, preferring 2-lane “blue highways.” I’m driving a Honda Pilot (large enough for dog crates), and try to give a wave to almost all oncoming traffic. Typically response is men 5/100, women 1/100. I do keep in mind closing speed is 100+mph so some folks might not have time to recognize and respond. I know when I haven’t waved after seeing someone give me one, I feel terrible. I can drive hundreds of miles out here and not get tired. Big Sky, buttes, sage grass, and pronghorn. Far cry from my former state, VA, where there’s a cop behind every tree.
DeleteI never spent too much time in the south, outside of 2 years in the Navy in Key West. I still don't consider that the "south". My wife and I camped in our travel trailer in the southwest corner of North Caroline back in the mid 70's. We never met more polite people than that time. I experienced it again on a hunting trip to western Arkansas a couple years back. Living in the eastern part of PA is a totally different experience than those previous times. If I had the time to do it over..........
ReplyDeleteBeing from Atlanta...I always feel the need to apologize out here in Watkinsville, but it's still the South. Abe's Yankee terrorist army burned it down. Anyway, I learned all this from my South Georgia parents and grandparents and it's in the blood anyway. I didn't realize that the "Mister Henry" was a custom. I always thought the folks at the doctor's office didn't know how to pronounce my real last name.
ReplyDeleteSouthern Delaware here. Fairly polite, especially in the smaller towns. Go further down the peninsula and it’s more prevalent.
ReplyDeleteCoelacanth
"Call the younger women Miss regardless if they're sporting a ring or have kids with them."
ReplyDeleteHere in Pennsylvania I recently got a smack down from a waitress for calling her 'Ma'am.' Seems it made her feel old. I apologized - for fear of getting unknown somethings in my burger.
i have always called waitress either SWEETIE or HON and have never had a cross reaction. it's all about your tone and reflection.
DeleteIt's Darlin' for me.
DeleteAnd then there's the dark side of Southern. Like women, they are either ladies or whores, not a lot in between. If you 'Ma'am' a lady, she'll smile and very politely correct you if it's needed. Ladies can do just about anything and get away with it, because they are ladies. Look at you when you mess up with THE LOOK and you'll self-correct. They can clean, shoot, skin, cook, talk, sing, dance, drink beer from a bottle like a lady because they are ladies.
ReplyDeleteIf you 'Ma'am' a whore, she'll bitch at you for 'Ma'am'ing her. And once she's shown to be a whore, well, she's a whore. No matter what they wear, how fancy a house they live in, how nice their car is, how wealthy their husband is.
Now a lady can be a tad skanky as long as she stays a lady, and be coarse and unlettered but still a lady, but a whore will never be a lady unless she goes through a radical transformation like from a religious conversion or something and proves it.
Thank you for turning a perfectly nice post into something..... well, I'm not sure what. Day drinking is not your friend.
DeleteWell bless your heart. Beans...
DeleteWell come on Beans, don't bogart the joint. Pass that sucker around to the rest of us so we be as high as you.
DeleteKenneth, you've been blogging for eighteen years. It's coming up ten years you've been in TN. So, more than half your blog time has been from TN.
ReplyDeleteThat just don't seem right. I've been with ya since , well a lot has happened in those jam packed years.
Boy o boy, does time fly.
I never thought of it that way. Wait..... we moved here in April of 2016. So 9 years. Close enough.
DeleteAs a northeast transplant to South Texas, we are still getting the hang of the whole 'courtesy' thing, which was mostly non-existent in Noo Yawk. What I find confusing is what to do when the other fella driving past has darkened windows so that you can't tell if he is looking at you, waving a finger, giving the finger or picking his nose. I don't have darkened windows on my SUV, and I pretty much wave to anyone passing my house on our dirt road. But I don't know if I am trying too hard.
ReplyDeleteJust relax and go with the flow.... If you're opening/holding doors, being polite, tipping your hat to the ladies you're off to a good start.. The rest will come with time
DeleteJD
Quit tripping, you can never over-polite.
Deletesame here bro, small town Miss. and everyone gets along. i'm older now and it gripes my ass when women and kids hold a door open for me, I AIN'T DEAD YET' that's my job to hold doors for them but that's just how people are here. it's a courtesy and respect for others.
ReplyDeleteyes ma'm and no sir and THANK YOU is the rule here and practiced everywhere.
it's a genteel society here and Chivalry is not a forgotten word in our small part of this world.
always defend women, children, the weak, infirmed and elderly.
our old people here are our are our most precious commodity.
That's good stuff Ken. Pretty much that way in Texas away from big cities but, it's getting more rare as weeks and months go by.
ReplyDeleteHad someone comment on my sidearm at a church garage sale a few weeks back. He was.... I dunno... it was weird... like he was surprised to see one. Guy behind me said, "no worries, I got one too." The lady running it said she'd have had hers, but she forgot her purse that morning. It's south Texas, if it isn't trying to bite you it's about to. Fellow might have been that transplant at 1624.... ;)
ReplyDeleteNope, not I. One of the biggest draws (heh) of relocating down here was to be able to own and carry my guns with no stigma and no shit from Karens about it. I also like flying an American flag without "offending" my asshole northern neighbors.
DeleteThanks for posting this and for your thoughts. I loved the thread roll- I'm from FL and moved to MI. I always wondered why I stood out in MI- it's the instinctual head bob. I do everything he talked about in the thread without thinking about it.
ReplyDeleteEastern colo here.
ReplyDeleteWaving on dirt roads is coed.waving on dirt includes cars also. If not a back and forth, it is assumed the other driver is a slicker and usually they are driving a clean vehicle and have cooties.....
From South Dakota. I agree with this. I've traveled most of this country, with the exception of the northeast on my Harley's. If you ride, you ride. I wave to every rider. Mostly, they wave back. Be kind.
ReplyDeleteJeffersonian
One other rule is that most of the guys I know here will not just talk to a woman. There is a huge deference to the institution of marriage here and the respect given by men to that relationship is quite impressive.
ReplyDeleteI'd never really thought about it before, but you're right.
DeleteWhat a great post and fantastic comments (with one notable exception). The courtesies described could come directly from backcountry rural Ireland, my ancestral home, with the possible exception of the sidearms, but shotguns are common with us and go uncommented, unless for purposes of interested comparison.
ReplyDeleteIt all kinda boils down to following the Golden Rule.
ReplyDelete-lg
In general about names… if someone introduces themself or signs a letter/email as “David” or “Samuel”, for example, do not address them as “Dave” or “Sam”…. I never understood why anyone would do that. It’s just not polite or respectful.
ReplyDeleteSmileyFtW
Well, my name is Joe. But if people called me Joseph, I would have to correct them. My name is Joe not Joseph. Yep, on the birth certificate. Daddy was Joe, his daddy was Joe.
ReplyDelete