Friday, December 05, 2008

Farming fuck up


He's going to have a hard time pleading innocent for the traffic accident considering the condition of the field.
Thanks VC

Mexican gas chamber


Thanks VC

Go, Pops!

I'm headed up to New Melones tomorrow with Dad to catch some big ass trout. The weather is flat out fucking cold, the lake temps have turned and the bite is on.
I found out the other day that he has never caught a trout bigger that 4 pounds.
It's funny, but when I was just a pup he used to take me fishing and hope that I caught the bigger fish. Now I'm taking him and hoping that he catches the biggest fish.
Life has made that circle.

Priceless


Straight up White Trash, God bless 'em


Walking the ferret


Face plant


God Bless Texas


Wednesday, December 03, 2008

A freebie

Here's a number worth putting in your cell phone, or your home phone speed dial: 1-800-goog411 or 1-800-466-4411. This is an awesome service from Google, and it's free -- great when you are on the road.
Don't waste your money on information calls and don't waste your time manually dialing the number. I am driving along in my car and I need to call the golf course and I don't know the number. I hit the speed dial for information that I have programmed.
The voice at the other end says, "City & State." I say, "Garland, Texas." He says, "Business Name or Type of Service." I say, "Firewheel Golf Course." He says, "Connecting" and Firewheel answers the phone. How great is that? This is nationwide and it is absolutely free!

Click on the link below and watch the short clip for a quick demonstration.

http://www.google.com/goog411/

Another lick and the game's yours


What the fuck?


Straight up White Trash, God bless 'em


Racist Ronald MacDonald


They make those shirts that small????


Another bad ass spider


Ripped off? Ya think?


I'm surprised he actually found it


Anybody got a bucket of Clearasil?


Just gotta stay out of arm's reach


Tuesday, December 02, 2008

I'm all right, I'm (burp) all right


Why? Why? WHY?????


Some do, some don't


You can't fix stupid











Dammit, I got tagged



Okay, I got tagged by LulaBelle http://whatsinalulabelle.blogspot.com/ for this honesty thing. I'm supposed to post 10 things about myself.


1) I am directionally dyslexic - you know, I get lost. A lot. I can get lost in the drive-thru of the local Taco Bell. And I'm hopeless in a hospital. I'll stop in and visit a stranger just so I can sit down for a minute. This a little embarrassing considering my favorite thing to do is camp, fish and hike up in the mountains.
2) I do not own a single pair of shoes, yet I have 6 pairs of boots. Even my work safety shoes are steel toed cowboy boots.
3) I have broken more bones than anybody I know, so many that I myself have lost count. My major breaks were a skull fracture in 1974 in a motorcycle accident, another skull fracture when I went through the windshield of my bud’s car in 1980. Yeah, we were drunk. Then I broke my back in 1980 (that was a bad year) in an asskick.
4) I drink way too much. I was sober for 20 years until I started going through my divorce, then I started back up trying to relax. I don’t drink every day, but when I do I’ll drink until I run out of alcohol or I get so fucked up I have to crash.
5) I don’t trust anybody completely. I’ve been that way as long as I can remember and just about the time I really start to let go and really trust somebody, I get fucked over and around.
6) I have never watched an entire sports game on TV in my life. I have gone to a couple baseball games with friends and while I had a great time when I was there, it isn’t anything I have any desire to follow once I leave the stadium.
7) I absolutely detest dope fiends. I know, I’ve made it no secret that I’ve used drugs before, but that’s just the way I feel. I’m not talking about potheads, I’m talking about addicts - people whose lives are run by their fucking drugs. Maybe it has something to do with the number of family and friends I’ve seen go into the ground over the years.
8) I’ve been known to go days at a time without speaking a word if there wasn’t anything worth saying.
9) I tend to make inappropriate comments at the oddest times. An example: A few years back one of the most liked and respected members of the workforce at my warehouse was killed in a car accident. When I was told of the news, I turned to my Bud Rick and said “All right, we just moved up one in seniority!”
10) Last but not least - Not only do I put the seat down but I also close the lid when I flush.

Monday, December 01, 2008

JUMP!!!!!!


Piss poor prior planning


Straight up White Trash, God bless 'em


He's not sharing?


Oh, she's blonde all right


My People


I think I need another dentist

Okay, I learned a very valuable lesson today.
Never ever go into the Dentist's office with a load of Copenhagen still in your mouth. While I truly forgot that it was there until I climbed into the chair and he had me open up, I saw the light right away.
He about had a fucking heart attack.
And while it was funnier than hell watching him go ballistic and bounce off walls, the entertainment stopped shortly afterwards, just about the time he started his exam with all those sharp little picks.
"DON'T YOU (jab, jab) COME INTO MY FUCKING (jab, jab, stab) OFFICE WITH (jab) THAT GARBAGE (stabpokejabjab) IN YOUR MOUTH (jabjabjabstab) AGAIN!!!!!!!"
This shit went on for 20 minutes.
It almost wasn't worth getting my teeth cleaned.
When I left, I turned around to see him glaring at me, picks still in his hand and drool running down his chin. I wiped the blood off my lips, smiled and popped in another chew and then ran for my truck.

Knuckledraggin mi vida fuera

Hey, I was checking my sitemeter referrals and clicked on a link which led me to a Spanish blog. On his blog roll there's my blog - the name is in Spanish - Knuckledraggin mi vida fuera
How cool is that?
The name of his blog is Arruinando la Internet or Ruining The Internet. You can find his English language blog in my blog roll.
Thanks, Daver!

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Ironic, don't you think?


Cutest Breast Cancer Awareness ad ever


Oh yuch!!!!!!


A room with a view


Drop it and it's mine


So you like pork, huh?

video

Actually the little buggers ain't bad deep fried

For Ibeam the Mullet Hunter


See Ibeam, mullets are even featured in fine literature....

Drunks - gotta love 'em








Straight up White Trash, God bless 'em


Flash, dammit!


Thanks VC

And you thought I had issues...