Saturday, August 28, 2010

Hey, I'm easy.

After I posted my Islam post, I've noticed that I've gotten a shitload of views from arabic countries.
Let me make it easy on all you jihadists.
Contact me through my profile and I'll let you know you of a place to meet. We'll meet and settle our shit face to face instead of on the internet. I've had a great life, hope you have too.
Fuck Mo. He's a goat fucker and a baby raper.......

Give me a break here, People.

Fuck me running.
Okay, check this shit out. I will NEVER get on your collective asses again about not responding to my picture requests again.
I got more motherfucking dog pics than I know what to do with. This is gonna be stretched out over the weekend and maybe Monday too.
My next request is gonna be thong pics if you ladies wanna get a head start.......

My contact info

Okay, folks have been wondering how to send the dog or ex-wife tittie pics in.
If you're sober enough, you can always go to my profile and hit the email button. That'll hook you up.
If you're fucked up and semi-incoherent (and it is Friday night, I understand) email your dog and tittie pics to
Fuck Obama, Allah and his messenger Mo.

Friday, August 27, 2010


What in the flying fuck is the matter with you people? I asked for dog pictures and I got 3. THREE. Now I know that some of you have sent yours in last time I asked and that's cool. I ain't going off on you. I posted them and they're in the archives.
But check this shit out. I get about 400 readers a day. Damned near everybody I know owns a dog. That means 397 of you motherfuckers are slacking off.
Goddammit, if I asked for titty pics of your ex-wives, my inbox would be flooded. I'd even get dick pics of ex-husbands from the ladies. BTW, send the titty pics, hold the dick pics.
Hey, I don't care what kinda dog you got. A fucking Dane, Chihuahua, a  Bloodhound, a furball Maltese. I don't care. My favorite dog of all time was my Hillary - half chihuahua/terrier mix that thought she was a pit bull.
And I thought my blog catered to Rednecks.......
Step up, motherfuckers.

GMarks' dog Jessie

Love your blog. I read it in the morning at work. thanks for the chuckles. Please write more so I can avoid more work. I have a hunch if we were neighbors we'd give each other a lot of shit. Then of course talk about guns, dumb ass liberals and other stuff over beers.
This is my dog Jessie. We got him from the pound. We think he's a Shepard collie mix. He's got a mean bark but once people come in he's all about sniffing crotches and making friends. Loves going for walks so he can smell everything and then piss on it.
He got himself pepper sprayed once by some douche bag neighbors. Apparently he got out of the yard and saw them walking by. When he ran up to make friends they just assumed he was an asshole like themselves and sprayed him. Now parts of their hoity toity "curb appeal" yard just won't grow grass anymore, not sure why:-) There's a vid on my face book of him and some other funny stuff if you want it. (some I stole from you).
Keep up the good work.

Have you seen this?

BillyBobs' dog, PJ

Ken, here is my boy PJ. Full blooded Rottweiler. He is hard headed but a good boy.
-BillyBob from Hell on Earth

Jim's dog Bruno

This is our 10 y/o dog Bruno. Half Rottweiler and half Rhodesian ridgeback. Good solid dog.

Thanks for your picture, Jim.
Give him a hug for me if you dare.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Why, oh why?

Why do Sharks swim circles around you before attacking?

Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied survivors of a sunken ship. "Follow me, son." the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few more times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
 "Now we eat everybody." And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!"

Dog pictures

Send me pictures of your dogs. I'll post them and give them their 15 minutes of fame.
Pictures of the dogs and a pile of dogshit in the shot get priorities.

When I got out of the shower

This is what I saw. My laundry basket in the living room and this sorry motherfucker denying all knowledge of it.

My views on Islam

Okay, I can keep this short and sweet.

Allah is the god of my enemy and Mohammad was a goat fucker.

Any questions?

Mine gets every night off......

-Curtis Lowe

I don't need to say a thing


We'll always be new friends


Wednesday, August 25, 2010

New Fucking Neighbors (Pt. II)

So I get home tonight and cook my dinner and lunch for tomorrow and hear some more fucking noise next door.
Heavy sigh. I know I was an asshole last night, but we gotta live next to each other for a couple of years, I might need them to keep an eye on my place and feed CharlieGodammit when coyote shooting picks up, and they might even provide a handy alibi someday.
I knock on their door. Callie pops into view and casts a fearful look for Charlie. Crosses her legs just in case.
"Yes, SIR????"
"Lighten up, dammit. My name's Kenny. Sorry 'bout last night. I made you young folks dinner. Here."
"Dinner? Did you spit in it?"
Damn, I like this girl more and more.......
"Naw, fuck no. It's pork chops cooked in mushroom and celery soup. Kicks ass over smashed taters. Which I have thoughtfully included by the way."
"Why are you being nice?"
'Cause I might need something from you later? "Because I'm sorry. I just figured that with y'all working late, you ain't got time to make dinner. I got extra."
She takes the platter, plates, and silverware. "Well, maybe I was too harsh in judging you. Thank you."
I started down the porch and heard her tell her young fella, "Look Josh, that asshole neighbor brought us dinner!"
Josh answered "Did the motherfucker spit in it?"
I think were gonna get along just fine.......

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

New fucking neighbors

I got new neighbors.
Stupid fuckers.

The house next door had been vacant for about 6 months and just couldn't sell due to the price and the fucking banks all of a sudden getting cautious because they lost their asses last year.
Hey, even with the squatters and dope fiends trying to take it over, I enjoyed the fact it was semi empty. I had entertainment everytime I felt like kicking some doper ass - all I had to do was kick open the garage door - but I also had a little privacy after word got out about the asskicking. No neighbors to fuck with me except my pyscho neighbor on the other side and we're kinda sorta on the same wavelength, if you know what I mean.

Okay. So the other night I'm in the back yard drinking beer and chucking empty beer cans at CharlieGodammit and I hear something next door. Oooooh, in broad daylight no less. These motherfuckers are getting shameless.
So I rassle CGD into a leash and head next door. Two cars in the driveway. The door is open. A hippie looking dude is on the floor ripping out the baseboards. Oh, this is gonna be fun.
"Something I fucking help you with, asshole?" I say. He looks startled and raises his knife.
This girl pops out of the bedroom. I'm surrounded. I cut CGD loose from his leash. He immediately runs over and buries his nose in her crotch. Good boy. I'd have done the same thing.
"Hi! We're moving in! Do live nearby?" she says.
"Yeah. Next door. You bought this place?" Not even trying to call CGD off, he's having fun.
She crosses her legs. The dude with the knife (okay, paintbrush) gets up.
"Um hey. My name is Josh."
"And my name is Callie."
"Yeah. That's CharlieGodammit."
"Charlie what?" in unison.
"CharlieGodammit. You'll find out why."
"And your name is what, sir?" the hippie asked.
"Sir works for now, man" I reply.
"We've been married for only 3 months!" Callie says.
Well, whoop-ti-woo, I think. Wait for 10 or 15 years and see how you feel then.
"Please, call CharlieGodammit off..... Please?"

Monday, August 23, 2010

For Karen

My early years....

I'm sorry, but that Short Bus post the other day brought back some bad memories of my school years.
Mama's cigarette ashes in my baloney and jam sammiches....
My cousin calling me a prevert 'cause I felt him up....
Sister hiding my helmet from me....
Dad pissing in my helmet when he found it first....
Me not qualifying for the Special Olympics....

We could only wish...

Thanks for the laugh, Peter.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

My day so far

Still not chewing and there are no unsolved homicides in town so far this weekend.
My appetite has kinda sorta returned to normal, I haven't had a thing to drink all day and I spent the day cleaning house and smoking a big-ass piece of meat.

Goooood boy!

My short bus


You too?