Saturday, September 04, 2010

S-l-o-w-l-y now















On a beautiful summer's day, two English tourists were driving through Wales. At lanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, they stopped for lunch, and one of the tourists asked the waitress, "Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?"
The girl leaned over and said, "Burrr-Gurrr-King".

Poor Dave

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How you doing?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
 "She's in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."

Fuck 'em. Every damned one of 'em.

Ramadan is here again. The one time of the year when Muslims cannot eat or drink within the hours of daylight, they just starve.
Never has the term, "Not enough hours in the day" been more appropriate!

I HATE hate hate the Feds

Yeah. They served a warrant on his home and only found legal firearms. Imagine that.
They said he sold unregistered silencers. There is no such thing as UNREGISTERED silencers here in Kaifornia. ALL silencers are illegal here. This is a state that even outlaws certain types of BB guns.
Fuck the Federal Government. This is a set-up, through and through.
I'm moving to Montana or White-aho when I can. Fuck this shit.
I know, if I keep this up I'm gonna end up on a list........

A federal judge Friday denied setting a bail amount for a Modesto gun shop owner arrested Thursday on suspicion of selling guns illegally to undercover agents.
Robert John Ronning, 42, of Salida was being held at the Sacramento County Jail on Friday night and he is expected to remain there at least until next week, his defense attorney Adam Stewart said.
He said Ronning appeared in federal court in Sacramento on Friday afternoon. Stewart plans to argue for his client's release on bail again next week.

AGENTS ARREST OWNER OF GUN SHOP

Ronning, 42, was arrested on suspicion of illegal gun sales, including the unlawful transfers of unregistered gun silencers and a machine gun, according to the U.S. attorney's office in Sacramento.
"These charges are a huge surprise to him," Stewart said. "He's well supportive of local law enforcement."
He asked the public to reserve judgment of his client until the facts can be demonstrated in court. Stewart also said they don't know whether someone else at the business sold the guns to the undercover agents.
Ronning is a federal firearms licensee and owner of Ronning Arms Inc. in the 2000 block of Yosemite Boulevard, just west of El Vista Avenue in east Modesto.
Federal prosecutors said Ronning sold two gun silencers, seven assault weapons and a machine gun to undercover agents and others posing as Mexican citizens without identification at the Yosemite Boulevard business.
On Thursday, agents from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives served search warrants at the business and Ronning's home, Stewart said.
He said the agents seized legally-registered guns that belong to Ronning and his wife. He declined to say what type of guns were seized.
The agents also took a copy of Ronning's license to sell firearms. Stewart said nothing else was seized in the searches.
He said Ronning's license is still effective, and the gun shop still has the authority to do business. The gun shop, however, remained closed Friday afternoon.
Rob Nielsen, a manager of Barnwood Arms gun shop in Ripon, said he has never heard of a licensed gun dealer in the Modesto area arrested for selling weapons illegally until now
He said the employees at the Ripon business have never been propositioned to conduct an illegal sale before, so he doesn't understand how this could've happened.
"This just seems so weird to us," Nielsen said. "(Ronning) has always been a straight shooter."

Read more: http://www.modbee.com/2010/09/03/1323623/judge-denies-bail-for-jailed-modesto.html#ixzz0ycvFbuEm

Friday, September 03, 2010

I hate the Feds

The BATF hit my favorite gun shop yesterday.
I've been going there through 2 1/2 owners (I quit going there when Joe bought the place, he once sold me a rifle that was reported destroyed by ATF the year AFTER I bought it from him - after he sold out I started trading there again), I mean it's been 30 fucking years.
I have been in the shop at least 3 times a week since Ronnie bought the place, shooting at the range, hanging out, shooting the shit and I have never ever seen anything that even remotely could be construed as illegal.
And you folks have seen my pictures, don't I look like the motherfucker that you would sell something illegal to?
One more thing before you pass judgement:
Modesto and area is the place where the Feds fuck up the most. They thought that some tweekers were responsible for the Yosemite killings. They thought that Road Dog Cycles was a major criminal enterprise. Now they think that Ronning Arms is running guns and silencers?
Give me a fucking break.
Why in the hell would any FFL holder risk his business and life for a couple of thousand bucks?
Fuck you. I can make a 3 shot silencer for 2 dollars, a 1 shot silencer for 29 cents and a shitload of unlimited shot silencers in my garage (which is an average garage) for next to nothing?
I will keep you all posted and if I turn out to be wrong I will post a picture of CharlieGodammit in a pair of ladies drawers, a thong if I can find one with a 5 inch wide ass.

http://www.modbee.com/2010/09/02/1322118/agents-arrest-owner-of-modesto.html#storylink=omni_popular

Ya think?

I'm pretty sure that a 12 pack of Busch would last more than 2 hours if I didn't drain a can in 2 gulps.

Political shit

Okay, check this shit out.
Come November, the Republicans are for sure going to gain control of the House and I figure they have a 50/50 shot at the Senate.
I don't think The Obamessiah is going to run for re-election in 2012. I think he knows he's a one-shot deal and I don't think his ego will take a defeat, so he's gonna find a reason to not run. Plus if the Republicans take control of the House and possibly the Senate, he's gonna fucked every time he turns around. That's gonna piss him off.
The Republicans - fuck, there's a bunch of great people out there to fill the position. I'm thinking maybe Bachmann, possibly Palin, a slight chance that Gingrich might give it a shot. Out of those three, Michelle Bachmann has my vote. She's got nice tits, although Newt runs a close second there.
Seriously, though. I really think that The Dream has ended, Hope and Change was a fantasy, and Obamessiah is outta here.

Hurricane Earl news from Tattoo Jim

I've had several requests from folks wondering how Tattoo Jim is doing seeing as Earl s supposed to wreak death and destruction on the Outer Banks.
In his own words:

Hey Ken
Everything's o.k. here at Kitty Hawk... the center of Earl is, just now, about 105 miles off the coast, probably about 15 miles south of me... wind gusts up to about 60 m.p.h. and raining like a motherfucker!!! Shit woke me up at about 1:30 this morning... I do need my beauty sleep you know! Now that sunrise is here, I might just stick my face outside... my neighbor put a blue tarp over his car... the windows don't roll up... so I'm curious as to how much tarp is left... or I might just say "fuck it" and fix some breakfast... sausage gravy and biscuits sounds good right about now...
HAHAHAHAHA! The local news just said that the seagulls are flying side ways!!! Now that's fucking funny!!
Later man!
Tattoo Jim

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Useless info, once again

I made a beer run a few minutes ago and when I got home, my pscho neighbor Bruce was on his front porch with his wife Pam giving him a backrub.
"Hey Sugar, am I next? I did 12 hours today."
"Fuck you, Kenny. I done 14. Left when you did at 5 this morning, just came in. Me first."
"Yeah? Whatcha doing nowadays?"
"Trees."
"Shaking or sucking?"
"Shakin' after wake-up, suckin' after dinner."
"Both? That's some rough shit. How's the rigs?"
"New, AC, CD, PS, all that good shit."
"Need any help on the weekends before harvest ends, let me know."
"Will do, Bro. Goodnight. If you still want that backrub, I'll send her over in 10. No happy endings. Tip well."
"No happy endings? No thanks. I'll be lusting for days. And goodnight to you too, Bro."

Okay, let me interpet for all you motherfuckers that don't have an agriculture background.
Bruce is putting in 14 hour days, dawn to after dark.
The almond crop is fucking HUGE here and this time of the year, the crop is coming in all at once.
What Bruce is doing is driving a shaker in the morning, a vacuum in the afternoon. The shaker is a machine that looks like a giant beetle - low slung to the ground, with pincers extending out the front. The pincers grab the trunk of the tree and just shake the fuck out of the tree, making all the nuts drop to the ground.
You can always tell when an orchard is being shook by the huge amount of dust erupting from it. Not only do the nuts get shook off, but so does all the dust that's settled on the trees since the last rain, usually March, maybe April. Then all that fucking dust blows across the road I happen to traveling on, and we are talking ZERO visability for a couple of hundred yards.
After he shakes the trees in the morning, he goes to a vacuum truck that sucks all the fallen nuts off the ground and conveys them to a truck following behind. This also causes huge clouds of dust because he also sucking up a shitload of dry dust which is separated by the vacuum truck. Nuts into the truck, topsoil back into the orchard.
The equipment he drives is modern as fuck. Pushbutton controls, Air conditioning, CD player for his Merle Haggard, Power steering, all that good shit. I wouldn't doubt it even has a fucking cup holder for his beer.

(Okay, I need to point something out here. Bruce probably earns better than $100 an hour. Why? It's skilled labor. It last no longer than 4 weeks a year. So far, on Thursday, he's put in 96 motherfucking hours. No days off untill the harvest is over.
And it's extremely hazardous. We actually have a disease here called Valley Fever that is an affliction of the lungs caused by the dust and molds raised by shaking. It kills folks in the cities, you can almost imagine what it does to harvesters. Bruce is an old timer at his trade and he's only 53.)

He offered me his wife for a straight backrub, no blowjob at the end. I graciously refused because I don't fuck with married women, any woman that gets that close to me is gonna fuck me and last but not least, Bruce is pyscho.

Got it?

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Iraq? Arack?























-Stevienatt

That's some serious redneck shit

















And yes, I will be trying it out.

My Great Granddaughter


















It's true, I'm a Great Granddad at 51 due to marrying a woman 6 years older that had her babies young who had their babies young who had their babies young.
I know, How fucking Okie can you get?
This is one of two pictures I have of her. Pity I'll probably never see her or her mama again......

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

A message for TJ

Hey Jim, you gonna run from Earl or are you gonna stay and kick his ass when he rips through town?

Straight-up White Trash, God bless 'im


















Yep, that's me scratching a skeeter at a redneckin fuck-yeah-spring-is-here party back in April.
After it got dark it got to where you couldn't go 5 feet without tripping over a drunk or a dog. Folks were tumbling down that little slope behind me, falling in the creek, random gunfire from the ladies' purse pistols, and a Jap car got sledgehammered.

Ah, the good ol' days!

Okay, you win!

I got so many fucking dog pictures that I am literally oerwhelmed here. And most you you couldn't send in a picture, you had to send several of the same damned dog.
I don't know if I should just have one huge post with dog pictures and no text, or post 1 a day for the next 2 motherfucking months with the proud owners' message.
Fuck Obama.

Chew (not) update

Well, it'll be 2 weeks tomorrow that God made me quit chewing Copenhagen. While I admit that I would've preferred to do it on my time and my terms, it's done. I really think it is. I walked into the store today where I bought my chew, picked up a paper and some gum and walked out, only realizing after I got back on the road that I didn't even THINK about a chew. Then I realized that I didn't crave one with my morning coffee. Then I realized that even thinking about it didn't cause a craving. And I didn't go through an entire 20 pack of gum today, as a matter of fact I only had a couple of pieces.
But then again, I tried to kick the Main Evil Cat over the back fence for no reason when I got home. Maybe I should give it another day or two before I declare victory.

An educated idiot

Seriously, you'd think a fucking doctor would know better....... and it took them a while before anybody complained about the smell because, well, we are talking Bakersfield here. All the neighbors probably thought it was just another meth lab.


BAKERSFIELD -- Police say a Bakersfield doctor apparently tried to get into the home of the man she had been dating by sliding down the chimney. Her decomposing body was found there days later.
Police Sgt. Mary DeGeare says investigators do not suspect foul play in the death of Dr. Jacquelyn Kotarac.
Authorities say the 49-year-old apparently climbed on the roof Wednesday night, removed the chimney cap and slid feet first down the flue after unsuccessfully trying to get into the house other ways.
DeGeare says the man whom Kotarac was pursuing had left the home unnoticed to avoid a confrontation.
The body went undiscovered for several days until someone noticed odors coming from the fireplace.
Firefighters dismantled the chimney Saturday to remove the body.
Read more: http://www.modbee.com/2010/08/31/1317706/cops-calif-doctor-gets-stuck-in.html#ixzz0yDrqWbQz

Sunday, August 29, 2010

He must be dying

I stopped by my folks' house today when I was doing an ammo run. No truck, no answer at the door. Hounds were oustside. Nobody home.
So I called tonight and got Pops - Moms was headed to spend the night with her dad, Bud, who has been threatening to die on us for several years now but has really stepped up the pace lately, the motherfucker.
I mentioned that I stopped by and he said "Yeah, I was in the garage sneaking a sip of Scotch. I heard your boots but wasn't in the mood for company,"
Hey, I can understand that. Can't tell you how how many times I've hid from you.
Anyways, we got to talking, the longest conversation that I have ever had with my Pops. It must've lasted 15 minutes or so.
And I don't know why, I seriously don't, when I said my goodbyes I said "Okay Motherfucker, I'm outta here. I love you."
Fuck me if he didn't say "I love you too, Dickhead."
I'm 51 years old and he finally said it........... I knew he did, but to hear him say it?

Oh, my God.

It must've been a good night last night.
I vaguely remember grabbing my last beer out the 18 pack, thinking that I wasn't ready to go to bed yet, realizing I was WAY too drunk to drive, leashing up CharlieGodammit to go to the corner store 3 blocks away, getting halfway there and thinking not only was I too drunk to drive but I was too drunk to walk but I was already halfway there so fuck it, having a hell of a time tying CGD up to the stop sign outside the store, finally saying fuck it and taking him in with me and the Hindu chick yelling at me for being a good dog owner. I don't remember the walk home.
I woke up this morning and thought it was a dream until I found a Bud Tall Boy in the icebox. I started out drinking Busch.
Then I had to check and see if I still had a dog. I do but he smells like somebody pissed on him.