Saturday, December 04, 2010

P.I. - Politically Incorrect

My new black neighbor came up to me and said "I'm sick of all the "innocent" racist remarks you keep slipping in every time we talk."
I said "Now hang on just a cotton picking minute..."

And that reminds me of a couple of weeks ago when I saw Charles, the only black boss on day shift, after he'd been out for surgery.
"Charles, you sweet motherfucker! I haven't seen you in a coons' age!"
He just laughed and said he was on vacation making chitlins and watermelon wine.

Blog Roll

Okay, I've got all the dead links off and added a few more, the most recent addition being Right is Right ( ) added this morning.
I've also got it set so that the most recent posts go automatically to the top of the blogroll. That helps me to weed out the dead links and lets you know who's most active in posting.

Thursday, December 02, 2010

Coyote paste

Driving home from work, I've been noticing a family of coyotes mousing a cornfield that had just been cut for silage. I've pulled over a couple of times and watched them hunt, and them not pay me one bit of mind. I'd sit in my truck and watch them hunt and play less than 25 feet away.
It's hard to tell because it's usually dusk, but I'm pretty sure there's a breeding pair and a couple of this years' pups. These valley coyotes are scrawny li'l fuckers, 20-30 pounds tops, so it's hard to judge the age by size.
It got to the point to where I'd slow down and check the field when I went by, hoping to see them.
On the way home last night there was a freshly killed coyote right on the centerline near the field I see them in. Fuck, it kinda sorta bummed me out. Then on the way in this morning I passed it again after being run over all night. It was just a big greasy smear in the middle of the road  - you know, coyote paste.
So this morning I was talking to Janet (our traffic clerk and an animal lover) and asked if she remembered me telling her about the coyotes. She got a big smile, said yes! and wanted to know if I'd "visited" them recently.
"Yeah, as a matter of fact I saw one that had been run over close to the river" I said, already knowing how to play it.
She cocked her head to one side, clasped her hands, got a little frown on her face and said "Awwww, was it one of the adults or one of the puppy dogs?"
I looked her in the eye and said "Damned if I know. It's hard to tell when the motherfucker is spread out over 160 square feet."
The look on her face...........

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

One week. Woo-hoo.

Fuck, I was commenting the other day that I accidentally hadn't drank for a few days, just an honest moment for a change. I'll never do that shit again.
I didn't realize that y'all was gonna get all touchy-feeley on me.
Seriously, go back and read the comments.
I've been getting some emails and even a phone call from a very concerned friend. The phone call counts even if it was TJ wanting to know if he could help break that streak. Most of the emails offered support and I do appreciate that. Well, I mean I would if I had actually come to a firm decision to quit.

I still ain't quite sure if it's the right time or reason to. For one thing, winter is a fucked up time to quit anything. It's nasty and cold and foggy outside and that alone is a great reason to stay inside and drink beer or wine or smoke that dope or whatever you're into. Plus, for normal folks, you got the party thing going on, you know. Lots of drunk happy fuckers stopping by bringing free beer. I myself don't have too much of a problem with that. When and if somebody stops by on any given month, usually the first words out of their mouths are "Got any cold beer, man?"
But the simple fact is that I am sitting here with a glass of Kool-aid (Calm the fuck down, Woody. Not that kind of Kool-aid) and not a beer.
Yeah, I'm kinda sorta cranky. Not stab-you-in-the-eyeball kind of cranky, just a little irritatable.
But I'm cool.

So yeah. I do appreciate the thoughts, the nice things you've said, the support. Hell I appreciate the fact that you took a moment out of your day to comment or email.
But please fucking quit it. It creeps me out.
You're trying to be all touchy-feeley with somebody that could really give a fuck less about life and the buttfucking it's going to eventually deal to all of us. Really, I don't take life too seriously, never have and will deal with it as it comes.
But I'm not new to this sober shit. I've quit several times and consider myself to be somewhat of an expert on the subject.
I've quit because of bleeding ulcers, I've quit because I was in the field for months at a time when I was in the Army, I usually quit if there's a hospital stay involved, I've quit when the money ran out and I've quit just because.
Periods of sobriety run from a week or so to one 20 year stretch. They average about a month.
So you can see why I ain't real excited over a week without beer.

Monday, November 29, 2010

I could roll either way right now.

So I haven't had a beer since Wednesday night.
There's no special reason - No mom, I have not "hit bottom" - it's just that I've had stuff to do and suddenly I realized yesterday that I hadn't had anything to drink in 4 long loooong motherfucking days. But I couldn't drink last night either so.......
So now it's been 5 days. And it's got me to thinking, dammit.
I cannot tell you how may years I've gone without drinking for 5 days. My usual is 2, maybe 3 days, tops. I came to the conclusion a long time ago I was a drunk and hey! I was cool with that. I could afford it, I'm single and responsible for nobody but CharlieGodammit, I don't drink and drive and I only abuse myself in the bathroom during daylight hours.
But for the past year or so I'm thinking that the shit is interferring with me doing the things I like - not only because I'm drinking instead of shooting but also I can't afford the gas because I bought 80 bucks worth of beer last week.
And now it's been 5 days. I should just run with it, huh?
But I like beer.
As far as feeling better now after getting that nasty shit out of my system?
Fuck no. I feel like a goddam drunk that's been dry for 5 days. What a stupid fucking question. Don't bother asking that if you're looking for a positive reaction.
But other than that, yeah, I'm fine.

And think of the money I'll save that I can spend on other shit I like. I'm not even going to try to tell myself I'll save it. Fuck no, spend it on something cool before the Bill Monster that lives in the back of my mind comes out and claims it.
But 5 days, man..... that's 2 more days than my longest blackout. [Started in Germany, ended up in France. Don't ask.]

But then again, it's only been 5 fucking days. No big deal. I've stayed awake tweeking that long. I've had numerous hospital stays longer than that. Fuck, I've stayed awake that long fishing the spawn before. I've been lost that long. Five days ain't shit. I can do that anytime I want. I deserve a fucking beer. I'll start the next 5 days tomorrow.

I don't know. Let's see how it rolls.