Saturday, December 27, 2008

Well, shit

No BATs today and damned few fish of any size. I caught a total of three and two of those were so small they would be considered bait if I was bass fishing. No kidding, they were 8 inches long.
The largest and last one I caught was 14 inches, so Dad caught the biggest fish today. His 3 were all larger than my my biggest, but not by much.
I could make all kinds of excuses why we didn't do shit like weather fronts, the lake rising one foot, or the spawn was early this year (all of which are true), but it doesn't make a bit of difference.
I'm tired, cold and hungry, so I'll try to post more later.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Gotta be California (again)

Bacon. Mmmmm, bacon.....

From George - Markleeville, CA

You still run lions? I remember you bought my best hound off me back in 1985.
Let's set a date sometime.

You bet. Save a hunt for me in the spring. Good to hear from you.

A favor for me, please?

Me and Dad are going back up tomorrow to try for Big-Ass Trout.
I've caught BATs before, but my dad hasn't. Sure, he's caught some steelhead that would make my BATs look like bait, but that was years ago and they weren't pure freshwater fish.
Would y'all be kind enough to offer up a prayer or think positive thoughts that Dad not only catches the biggest fish tomorrow but that it'll be a fish that he'll remember?
He doesn't have a lot of years left and I want to give him something that he'll remember. I mean hell, I've already got the taxidermist lined up with the promise that he'll have the mount ready by his 69th birthday in mid-March. I know the memory of the catch would be enough, but I want something for him that he can brag on when folks see that trophy fish on his living room wall.
Do this for me please?

Deb, I will NEVER forgive you for this

Well, here I am in my fancy lounging britches that I got for Christmas and Deb just had to see.
If there aren't any posts for a while, it's because one of my friends saw this and I was delivered a serious ass-whipping for being a sissy.
God, I can just imagine the comments on this post.....

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Franklin and Santa

My bud Brian's boy. Brian's a winner and Franklin will be too.
Thanks, Brian.

My day

I had a good Christmas today. Hell it would've been a good day even if it wasn't Christmas.
I rolled my butt out of the rack at 4 AM, grabbed my trappins and headed for the lake in search of the elusive Big Ass Trout. I knew it was going to be rough when I threw my cooler in the back of the truck and it hit with a splash instead of a thud. No big deal, I've been wet before.
What I didn't count on was the wind. A cold wind. An ass numbing wind, even with long johns, insulated bibs and rain gear.
When I finally got there it was still dark and the wind was just howling across the water. I'm not joking when it was howling, there were 3 foot whitecaps when dawn broke.
I tied on a spinner and headed down to my favorite spot. It was so windy that when I cast, my lure landed at my feet. Hmmm, this was going to take a little timing on my part, so when the wind would die down for a moment (and I do mean a moment), I'd cast, retrieve, then wait for it do die down again.
I caught 6 fish over 4 hours although none were what I would call BATs. The smallest was about 15 inches and 2 1/2 pounds, 4 were right at 18 inches and 3 pounds, and the biggest was 22 inches and might've gone a tad over 4 pounds. All were hooked cleanly and released for me to catch next year.
I got back home and showered, then went to Mom & Dad's for some dinner. Mom always puts on a good feed for Christmas and this year was no exception. Wild Boar tenderloins, ham, chops, thick cut bacon (Bacon. Mmmmm, bacon) for me, venison steaks, potato salad, macaroni salad, finger foods, fruit salads and about 5 different pies.
Even though I asked them as I have for the past 25 years to skip getting me gifts and spend their money on their grandbabies, Dad handed me a box. Inside was a balaclava, some thick wool socks and silk liners to keep my footses warm when I'm freezing my ass off fishing, and some cotton PJ bottoms.
PJs? I gave Dad that WTF look while hugging Mom. Shit, I haven't worn jammies since.... Hell, I ain't never worn PJs. Dad told me to shut the fuck up, they were "lounging" pants to wear when I was relaxing around the house.
That's what I got my cammo pants for, but I got 'em home, washed 'em and yes, I'll admit I'm wearing them now and I'll be damned if they don't feel surprisingly fine.
I ain't answering the door in them though.

Man's best friend

Who is your real friend?
Your dog.
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment:
Put your dog and your spouse in the trunk of the car for an hour.
When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you??

Thanks, Brian

Straight up White Trash, God bless 'em


Cutie Pie

She can cook too?????

Gotta be California (again)

When ya gotta go, ya gotta go

For Deb

Boys will be boys

White trash car alarm

Air conditioning the hard way

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas, Ladies

Merry Christmas, Guys

Please don't fart

Gotta be California (again)

A true outhouse

Talk about lazy......

Bad-ass lightning

OH FUCK!!!!!!!

Straight up White Trash, God bless 'em

Boys will be boys

Hold on, I think I have a 10 spot for ya, Bro.

Geriatric eye exam (or) How to be cruel to old guys


Payday was today.
We have over 300 employees in my warehouse alone and maybe 20 bosses. Unless you deal with a boss directly, have been there a long time, or have made either a real good or real bad impression, most of them don't know the employee by their full name.
So, when it's time to get paid, everybody lines up in the office and recites their name. The boss shuffles through the checks and then gives the guy his pay.
Today it went like this:
"Pedro Rodriquez." He gets his check.
"Merry Christmas, Pedro. NEXT!"
"Jim Johnson." He gets his check.
"Merry Christmas, Jimmy. NEXT!"
"Juan Gonzales." He gets his check.
"Merry Christmas, Juan. NEXT!"
I stepped up.
"Gimme my fucking money."
"Merry Christmas, Ken. NEXT!"

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

My long lost son

Straight up White Trash, God bless 'em

Wait'll she notices the crowd behind her once she goes outside

Ya think?

Gotta be California (again)

From Yolo - Whereabouts unkown

just checked into your site for first time, am 48 yrs. old and can tell we have the same type of warped humor, wow what DID happen during the 60's??!! will bookmark and come back,
peace out,

Man, I don't know about the 60s, but I'm placing the blame on the 70s, 80s, 90s and beyond.
And bookmarks are a blogger's highest compliment!

Been there done that

How 'bout "Fuck you" to both?

Monday, December 22, 2008


A man was in bed with his new girlfriend. After having had great sex, she spent the next hour just massaging his nuts, something she seemed to love to do.
As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, "Why do you love doing that?"
"Because," she replied, "since the operation, I really miss mine."

Thanks, Ibeam. I think.

Little Johnny follows directions well

A slip of the hand? I think not....


Gotta be California (again)

Nice try, Darlin'

Straight up White Trash, God bless 'em

God Bless Texas


HEY!!! I'm fucking hungry, dammit! Quit teasing me!

Bacon. Mmmmm, bacon.....