Saturday, August 29, 2009
If you have any pictures of your days in the Service of our Country, please send them along. I would absolutely love to post them. Maybe I can dig up a few of my own from the 70s.
I don't care if they're Army, Air Force, Navy, the Gawdawful Marine Corps, or the Coast Guard (our most under-rated Service), I'll post them.
Whether they're action photos, kickback pics or party shots, they'll be welcome.
The only thing I ask is that you tell me what era, Service (units are cool) and location they're from. Names will be withheld if requested.
My email is email@example.com
"That's right!" shouted the little boy.
Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is! It's a box of candy?"
"That's right!" shouted the little girl.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy answered.
The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy answered.
Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?"
The boy replied, "A puppy!"
Now that the initiaI impact of hearing that Ted Kennedy's passing has eased, I am trying to compose a poem that marks milestones and scenarios denoting how he lived his life.
The news is still ringing in my ears and I am reaching out to trusted and well grounded friends to help me find the words that so far have escaped me.
I seek descriptors that rhyme with some early thoughts:
Thanks, Murph. I think this nailed it.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Fuck, cremate his ass and toss him in the pond on Chappaquiddick Island.
Either that or load his ashes in a cartridge and fire him out of a gun that he advocated banning.
How many times were you told as a kid not to blow bubbles with your breakfast meat? "Don't blow bubbles with your bacon!" Mom would say, and "what's wrong with you? You're just like your father!" Ok, maybe the last part was just us, but still, have you ever tried to blow bubbles with bacon - it doesn't really work. It just makes a mess around the kitchen and leaves grease burns on your lips and coworkers. Sound the trumpets because Bacon Gumballs are here. Hurrah!
What's so great about Bacon Gumballs? Well, what better flavor can you imagine for gum? Mint is boring, cinnamon is overdone - it's time for Bacon Gumballs to be the first choice of gum aficionados. Each tin of Bacon Gumballs is loaded with bacon-y goodness, and after you've eaten all the gum, you can reuse the tin. And the tin will retain the scent of bacon for some time, blessing all you put in it with that wondrous and holy of smells. Bacon Gumballs - the gift that keeps on giving.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
I get about 40 emails a day from readers that are thoughtful enough to send me submissions.
Some of them I post, others I don't. Some of them I post right away, others I save for awhile. Almost all of them are appreciated.
Not that I don't like your submissions, but I can't publish everything I receive. Not to say that I don't get a kick out of some of them and pass them on to friends, but if I publish everything I get, not only will I piss a LOT of people off, but I won't have time for beer or bacon.
No nudity, guys - Sorry, but I have a lot of female readers that don't want to look at tits or pussy. Let's face it, would you want to see a bigger dick than yours on this site? Or any dick? Think before you answer.
No racism - While I post some racist shit, it's all in fun. And I pick on everybody. If you doubt that, click on the Okies or White Trash categories. If I suspect your submission is seriously racist, I'm bouncing it.
No liberal politics - I'm so goddamned Right Wing that I won't even make a left turn. I don't want to hear your left wing shit. Fuck off.
No anti Semitism - I have actually seen concentration camp sites when I was stationed in Europe. Them motherfuckers have had a hard row to hoe since the beginning of time. I ain't fucking with them folks.
Along the same lines - No White Power bullshit. I believe in White Pride, but I also believe in Black Pride, Brown Pride and Green Pride if there were such a thing. The key word here is PRIDE, not power. But I can't say I support Red Pride - while I have a considerable amount of Indian in me, my ex was almost full blooded Commanche and that woman was fucking crazy - turned me off to that shit.
Not that I've give you the no-nos, you can almost guarentee an immediate posting if you send me something that concerns White Trash, Bacon, Guns, dogs or a nice ass.
Some thoughts on the subject:
First of all, I wish no ill will on anybody. But he was already sick, so what the fuck.
We've burned through John, Robert, and now Edward. Are there any more out there? Is the United States FINALLY safe fron Kennedy liberalism?
I can just picture Mary Jo waiting for him in the afterlife saying "Mmmhmm, now you're gonna be MY bitch........"
The Modesto Bee actually mentioned some of his faults - in short, he was a drunken whoremongerer. I bet him and Bill Clinton got along just fine.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Damn, this blog is like a Bacon Command Center!!!!
Thanks to Yolo, Lula, and Woody for sending this in.