Saturday, March 13, 2010

Botox on the brain

From Nancy Pelosi's own botoxed lips:
You’ve heard about the controversies within the bill, the process about the bill, one or the other. But I don’t know if you have heard that it is legislation for the future, not just about health care for America, but about a healthier America, where preventive care is not something that you have to pay a deductible for or out of pocket. Prevention, prevention, prevention—it’s about diet, not diabetes. It’s going to be very, very exciting.
But we have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it, away from the fog of the controversy.

Hey Nancy, I have an idea. How about you telling us what's in the bill BEFORE it gets passed, you dumbass? The very fact that you and your administration are trying to keep it under wraps is part of the reason that's enveloped in a fog of controversy.

Gotta check it out

Yeah, I don't know why I missed putting this one in my blogroll, but The Daley Gator a great site for all you Right Wing Gun Owning Teabagging Patriots.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Oh yeah. She's hot.

If this scares ya, wait'll she takes it off. Red welts everywhere....

Gotta be California (again)

Are you happy now, Deb?
Have you regained your faith in me?

I've fallen and can't get up!

A few minutes ago I got a call from my neighbor, Jeannie. She's in her mid 60's with a prosthetic hip and uses one of those bad-ass scooters to walk her little pissed off terrier.
Anyways, Jeannie called and said that she'd fallen and couldn't get up. I hustled right over and helped her up, then visited for a minute.
My point is this: If you have an elderly neighbor, get on friendly terms with them, make that offer to help in an emergency and give them a number where you can be reached day or night. It's a very minor inconvenience to you but it may be a lifesaver for them.
And you have to make the offer. Don't expect them to ask you.

For Woody


A friend of mine called today and told me that his daughter had a dog she had to get rid of because she was moving. She had found the dog a couple of months ago and had been searching for his owner with no luck.
He also said the dog was 3 or 4 years old, well behaved and housebroken.
Wrong, wrong and wrong.
He's part Shepherd and judging by his tail and black mouth, part Chow. His name used to be Charlie but now it's CharlieGoddammit.
I went and got the dog and saw right off that it was 18 months old at the most. It was pulling on the leash but once I got it in the truck it settled right down and even let me drive. BUT, as soon as I got the sonofabitch in the house it went on a rampage, tearing around the house, squirted on the door, then chased the main evil cat right up to the top of the cabinet on the mud porch where she's still up there yowling.
He's also dripped water from his bowl all over the carpet, knocked over and drank a beer, ate a can of Copenhagen, stole a box of 308 Winchester, and farts continuously.
So basically I got a dog that drinks, chews, farts, is a pig, likes things that go bang and chases pussy.
Fuck, I got a dog with my personality......

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Say it ain't so!

It was announced today that Buckwheat, of Our Gang fame, has converted to the Muslim faith and changed his name to Kareem of Wheat.

Thanks for my morning grin, Yolo.

Monday, March 08, 2010

Another one bites the dust

I got word earlier tonight that another friend of mine from back in my hell raising, partying days has died.
I took a few minutes to reflect on the times that we had, the people we knew, the dope we did.
Then I did my usual.
"Ha ha, I knew I'd outlive you, motherfucker!"

Um, me too.


It's....... BACONMAN!

12,000 years from now researchers will be excavating the ruins of a village called MODESTO and find the remains of one WIRECUTTER.
The following video explains how they preserved his body.
Take care, bud... Mentalman

Thannks Mentalman. I'll start saving my bacon scraps....

What, me worry?

You kept asking for guns, so I decided to get them all together for you. Us Kommiefornians gotta stick together.

I figured I'd set them up in front of the earthquake closet. Took a little bit, and it's actually the first time I've had them all in one place. I just kind of stared at them and thought, "Yep. I've got a problem." But some problems you don't mind so much.

Top row, left to right; Enfield MK1, Savage 10FP, Walther G22, Stag AR (Cali-neutered, pinned 10rd mag), AK clone (Cali-neutered, no pistol grip), M39 Mosin (antique, shipped through the mail), Garand
Bottom row, top left to bottom right; 10/22 (with tech sights), Mix'n'match AR (Cali-neutered, funny grip), Mosin 91/59, Winchester 1912, Chicom SKS (beat to hell, runs great), Ruger GP100 (heavy and smooth), Browning Buckmark, XD-9, S&W 442, Springer 1911, Benelli Nova, Eastfield 12ga

Thanks T. Nice collection you got there.
Sorry it took so long to post this but for some reason your email ended up in my Fuck Obama folder instead of my Inbox. Which is only fitting, I guess...

Sunday, March 07, 2010

My future second ex wife

On second thought, I might keep this one around.

Thanks, Yolo

See? Even they think so!

Thanks again, Yolo.

Adam Gadahn Arrested in Pakistan. Big Fucking Deal.

AP - The American-born spokesman for al-Qaida has been arrested by Pakistani intelligence officers in the southern city of Karachi, two officers and a government official said Sunday as video emerged of him urging U.S. Muslims to attack their own country.

A picture of the little bitch-ass traitor

Okay, they caught him. Now what?
Now it's time for The Obamessiah to put up or shut the fuck up.
Go immediately to Pakistan and take custody of him, bring him back, try him for treason by Military Tribunal and then hang him publicly and immediately. Shouldn't take more than a week, tops.

But what's really going to happen is that they're going to haggle for months if not years about should he be tried in a civilian or military court, then they're going to provide him with an attorney as if he were an American citizen (keep in mind he renounced his US citizenship and tore up his passport in one of his videos) and then the real dog and pony show will start.
His pro bono attorney is going to trot out a shitload of psychiatrists that are all going to testify that none of this was poor Adam's fault - he either had a traumatic childhood or he didn't get as many valentines in 3rd grade as the other kids or he was buttfucked by his daddy or he didn't like apple pie and ice cream, but most likely that he was brainwashed and indoctrinated by people that he thought were his friends but really were using him as a tool to push their agenda of hate and terror. And before I forget, guess who's paying for all these so-called experts? You got it - his sworn enemies. Me and you and Woody and Lula and Hubbs (her's not mine. I ain't that way) and Deb and Stevienatt and BillyBob and Skip and YOLO and Tattoo Jim.
Hold on a second. I need to take a deeeeep breath and get a chew in.
Okay. Then they're going to find the cocksucker not guilty due to reason of mental duress, they're going to cut him loose, he's going to go hang out with his fellow traitors Tom Hayden and Jane Fonda, maybe go visit and have dinner with the Clintons, then he's either going to pursue an acting career or run for Senator in the State of Kaliforniastan.
There you have it, folks.

I hate cats

I got my left nipple pierced this evening.
Not intentionally, you understand.
I was coming out of the kitchen when I heard my retarded (seriously, she's fucking retarded) cat coming out of the paper bag she hangs out in, so I snatched her up to give her some loving.
As I was holding her to my chest and scratching under her chin, she dug her claws in and popped one clean through my nipple.
I also have a cat-shaped dent in my ceiling.....

What can I say?

I failed my biology exam back in high school. I was asked to name something commonly found in cells. Okay, so 'black people' is not the correct answer....