Saturday, July 03, 2010

It's time to come clean

I have a confession to make.
It's been over a month since I've had bacon.
Sure, I get a little when I buy a breakfast burrito off the Mexican taco truck owned by a Vietnamese family at an American owned warehouse (is America great, or what?) but I haven't fried any of my own nor ordered it when I go out for breakfast.
Don't ask me why, I don't know. I did buy a pound and a half of extra thick bacon at the store today, but it's not like I headed right for it like I used to.
I'm sorry, folks. I feel like I've let you down.

Friday, July 02, 2010

I normally don't use stuff like LOL but...

Neatness counts (as Deb would say)

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband. At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs... enough times till her husband says... "Are you wearing crotchless panties?"
 "Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.
 "Thank God for that... I thought you were sitting on the cat."

Bacon. Mmmmm, bacon.....

Terry sent me this link. It could've been written by me, except my regular readers would immediately notice the discrepancies - most notable the absence of the words fuck, fucking and motherfucker. What can I say?
Anyways, you wanna make your own bacon? Click on the link or cut-n-paste to your browser.


I'm on vacation this week, motherfuckers. I plan on getting tore up from the floor up and then tits up later tonight, then the serious vacationing starts.
I don't know how CharlieGodammit will react to continuous gunfire and firecrackers, so I'm going to stay home this weekend. My birthday is Wednesday and Mom is expecting me to come over so I'm going to head over the Pass Tuesday afternoon and hunt my way north for a couple of days, then head back to the house Friday for a hot shower, warm bed and hopefully, a crazy lady. I need to get laid.
Saturday, I'm going to Reno to visit with Lula and Hubbs (hers', not mine. I ain't that way) for a day of beer, meat and laughter.
Posts may be few and far between if things go according to plan.


The hottie (married, and her husband is a friend, dammit) across the street is mowing the yard in a tit top and bikini bottoms. Is Kalifornia great, or what?

Oooooh, the new GM!

The New GM (Government Motors)
Proudly Introduces
The 2011 Obummer

This car runs on hot air, bull-shit, and broken promises.
It has three wheels that speed the vehicle through tight left turns.
It comes complete with two Tele Prompters programmed to help the occupants talk their way out of any violations.
The transparent canopy reveals the plastic smiles still on the faces of all the happy owners.
Comes in S, M, L, XL and 2XL
It won't get you to work, but hey, there aren't any jobs anyway!


Oh shit oh dear

While browsing predator sites, I found this ad. If you don't read anything else, check out the 2nd paragraph.

Randy Anderson's "The Truth - Calling All Coyotes" Video (DVD)

In Randy Anderson's "The Truth - Calling All Coyotes" Video, Randy Anderson and Primos Hunting Calls have teamed up to bring you the most action packed hunting video ever. This video will help you learn Randy's unique style of calling in coyotes, using a combination of howling and distress calls. He shares tips and techniques to help you effectively use the Hot Dog, the Double Whammy, the Lil' Dog and the Ki-Yi from his signature series of calls.

WARNING: The footage you are about to see is of a graphic nature. Viewers should know, that in testing, 9 out of 10 hunters took up arms and headed to the field after watching this video. Other side effects included blowing predator calls in and around the house, disturbing family members and neighbors and in the most extreme cases, we found some signs of mange developing in humans. Some scientists have written it off as baldness, but we know better. If this video doesn’t make you want to go predator hunting, nothing will.

I own several Primos products and will probably own several more. One of the first things I bought was a 250 yard spotlight for night huntiong. Features include a rechargable battery pack, a scope mount and a red lense so as to not destroy your night vision. The cost was about 90 US bucks.

My heartfelt congratulations!

I just saw a quick blurb on Fox News about 150 new Citizens taking their Oath of Allegiance today on Ellis Island, with hundreds more to do the same all around the country this special weekend.
What a glorious time to become a Citizen!
I wish them the best of luck and I hope they prosper in their new country.

Laura Ingraham

I'm in love.
Ultra-conservative, intelligent and a hottie on top of that.

Thursday, July 01, 2010

Crit'R Call for Skip'R+Call+Song+Dog+Predator+Mouth+Call

Skip, here's the link to the call that I got today. You also might want to get the instructional tape at the bottom of the ad.
I own a dozen or more calls and this is my favorite howler already. Easy to use and control, plus it just sounds realistic.

Signatures say a lot about people


Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Piss on 'em

I've been tracking my latest coyote call ordered from Fur Traders (see the link in the post a couple of days ago - I'm too lazy to re-post it) and USPS says it'll be here tomorrow.
Check this shit out: It comes with a 52 page instruction book and a howler reed that can be heard for 3 (that's right, THREE) fucking miles. Now, not only can I piss my neighbors off, but I can also piss off folks on the other side of town.
I doubt I'll ever hunt with it but sonofabitch, I'm gonna have a lot of fun with this motherfucker!

Why? WHY?

Okay, this is fucked up.
Why do I get Viagra ads in my inbox yet Ann Coulter's posts go to spam?
Fuck you, Obama.

Good point

Monday, June 28, 2010

Black crud washes up on Louisiana beach


Vote Bacon!



I'm sitting here tonight watching a George Strait tribute (funny how I know the words to every song they've played, huh?) , or trying to anyways, with CharlieGodammit's teeth around my ankle, his paw resting on my other foot, and him snoring on top of that. I got to thinking that this dog is a real pain in the ass, then I realized that the foot that his paw was resting on was rubbing his belly.
Then I got to thinking how I don't have anger in my voice when I see what he chewed up while I was at work, how I go and police up the socks from the laundry basket in the back yard without hollering at him, and how much I worry about him when I'm at work.
I think I'm starting to get a bit attached to that damned cur dog.
And here's a picture of him at his favorite pastime: ripping up my 12 pack cartons. At least he ain't drinking my beer anymore.......

OH, HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!

I copied this recipe from a website that I don't remember. I love me some motherfucking tortillas but storebought ones are too damned thin. This is where I learned to make my own and I can vouch for it. The trick is to heat them to where you have burnt spots on them - shit, now I'm hungry!
These tortillas have real body and taste. They are perfect for gorditas, fajitas and eating out of hand.

•2 cups all-purpose flour
•1-1/2teaspoons baking powder
•1 teaspoon salt
•2 teaspoons vegetable oil
•3/4 cup lukewarm milk (2% is fine)

Stir together the flour and baking powder in a large mixing bowl. Add the salt and vegetable oil to the lukewarm milk and whisk briefly to incorporate. Gradually add the milk to the flour, and work the mixture into a dough. It will be sticky.
Turn the dough out onto a surface dusted with flour and knead vigorously for about 2 minutes (fold and press, fold and press). The kneading will take care of the stickiness. Return the dough to the bowl, cover it with a damp cloth, and let it rest for 15 minutes. (This dough will not rise, but it needs a rest.)
Divide your dough into 8 balls of equal size, cover them, and let them rest again for about 20 minutes. Avoid letting them touch, if you don't want them to stick together.
Dust your work surface with flour. Working one at a time, remove each piece of dough and pat it into a 5-inch circle. With a rolling pin, roll out the tortilla, working from the center out, until you have a 7- or 8-inch tortilla a little less than 1/4-inch thick. Transfer the tortilla to a hot, dry skillet or griddle. It will begin to blister. Let it cook for 30 seconds, turn it, and let the other side cook for 30 seconds. Remove the tortilla, place it in a napkin-lined basket and cover with aluminum foil. Repeat for the remaining tortillas.
Although flour tortillas, like corn tortillas, are best if eaten right after they are made, these tortillas will freeze well. Wrap them tightly in plastic, and they will keep, frozen, for several weeks. To serve tortillas that have been frozen, let them thaw and come to room temperature, then wrap them in aluminum foil and heat them in a warm oven. Microwaving tends to toughen them.

Redneck Heaven

If you're into trapping, predator hunting or running your hounds, you've got to check out F&T's Fur Traders Harvesting Post at:
They've got everything you might need from traps to training aids to clothing to calls. I've spent several hundred dollars there myself. And don't forget to check out their closeouts and specials. BIG savings there.

A housecleaning tip from Wirecutter

Guys, if you walk past your sink and you notice an off smell (okay, stench) coming from your sink, think about all the squirrels, rabbits and game birds you gutted in it over the winter, not to mention how many times you and your lady friends puked in it when the bathroom was just a little too far away. Some of it was bound to have got caught in the J trap.
Here's what you do:
Go out to your shop/garage/meth lab and get your shop vac. Remove the filter, place the hose over the drain, seal the other drain if you have a dual sink, then turn it on to suck up the offal/puke. This also works if your sink is stopped up because of fur clogging it up.
After that, dump about a cup of baking soda down the drain followed by a couple of cups of white vinegar to deodorize it.
It beats the shit out of taking the J trap off to clean it. Not only that but it saves on a re-puke.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Orbitup sent this to piss me off -

Then he sent me this to cheer me up

My nipples would be hard too.

Count your blessings, Sweetie

A couple of months ago I was coming home down a semi-major road in town when I heard a siren behind me. I looked in my mirror and saw an ambulamps coming up from the rear. I was about 75 feet from a major intersection, but I pulled over to let the ambulamps pass even though it was better than a hundred yards back. I didn't want to have it behind me and then get caught at a red light.
I was the only one that did pull over, though. The only way for it to get through was through the left hand turn lane, but traffic wasn't yielding. It sat at the intersection for a good 15 seconds, siren screaming before somebody came to a stop to let it through.
Just after the ambulamps made it through, I saw the car that stopped get launched from 0 to 50 through the intersection as it was rear ended by a Chevy pickup.
By this time the light had changed and traffic was clearing so I pulled over to see if everybody was okay because it was the right thing to do and besides, the cutie that hit the motherfucker looked hot as hell.
I get out, the cutie gets out (and hot wasn't the word for her, she was smokin') and finally the hittee staggers out.
"What??!! You still alive?" I asked.
He didn't see the humor at all. "Call 911 and tell them that an off-duty police officer was involved in an accident and requires an ambulance."
Ambulance? Why do cops have to talk so uppity?
The hottie got this shocked look on her face. "Omigod, I just hit a cop. Omigod, omigod, omigod. I am SO screwed."
"Hey, it could be worse." I said after a second. "You could've hit a fucking lawyer."
Nobody had a sense of humor that day.

Gotta Be California (Again)

That ain't saying much

AP - CIA Director Leon Panetta said Sunday that al-Qaida is probably at its weakest since the Sept. 11 attacks because of U.S.-led strikes, with only 50 to 100 militants operating inside Afghanistan and the rest hiding along Pakistan's mountainous western border.

The weakest since the 9/11 attacks. And how many died that day? Yeah, we're real safe.