Saturday, October 16, 2010

Bacon. Mmmmm, bacon.....

Okay, this bacon mug (how fucking cool is that?) looks like it's filled up with cheese. FILLED WITH MOTHERFUCKING CHEESE!!!!!!!
Excuse me, I have to go beat off now.

Well, she IS above the law, you know.

First lady Michelle Obama appears to have violated Illinois law -- when she engaged in political discussion at a polling place!
The drama began after Mrs. Obama stopped off at the Martin Luther King Center on the south side of Chicago to cast an early vote.
After finishing at the machine, Obama went back to the desk and handed in her voting key.
She let voters including electrician Dennis Campbell, 56, take some photos.
"She was telling me how important it was to vote to keep her husband's agenda going," Campbell said.
According to a pool reporter from the CHICAGO SUN-TIMES at the scene, the conversation took place INSIDE the voting center, not far from the booths.

Illinois state law -- Sec. 17-29 (a) -- states: "No judge of election, pollwatcher, or other person shall, at any primary or election, do any electioneering or soliciting of votes or engage in any political discussion within any polling place [or] within 100 feet of any polling place."

A top Ilinois State Board of Elections official tells the DRUDGE REPORT that Mrs. Obama -- a Harvard-educated lawyer -- may have simply been ignorant of the law and thus violated it unintentionally.
"You kind of have to drop the standard for the first lady, right?" the official explained late Thursday. "I mean, she's pretty well liked and probably doesn't know what she's doing."

When questioned about the brazen nature of Mrs. Obama's campaigning, press secretary Robert Gibbs defended the action.
"I don't think it would be much to imagine, the First Lady might support her husband's agenda," Gibbs smiled.

Stolen from the Drudge Report

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Woo-hoo, it must be a record!

It's been 2 weeks today since I've been to a funeral.
Goddamn, lately it seems like I spend more time in a fucking graveyard than I do at home. You know it's pretty fucking bad when a Funeral Home Representative sees you at a funeral and makes it a point to ask how you're doing this time.
My previous record was 3 funerals in 3 months (back in the bad ol' days when we were trying to kill ourselves off) but I believe I've broken that.
Granny Elsie - July 27th
Terri Sterner- September 20th
Grandpa Bud - September 30th
I've buried 3 in a little more than 2 months.
The difference being of course, these 3 folks all died of natural causes. Not a one of them was gunshot or killed in a car accident.
Fuck, I feel so goddamned old lately........

A joke from the archives

Two rednecks are out hunting, and as they're walking along they come upon a mineshaft in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by the size of it. The first hunter says "Wow, that's some hole. I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is?"
The second hunter says "I don't know, let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."
The first hunter says "There's this old transmission here, give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see."
So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three, and heave it in the hole.
They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole with no hesitation, and jump in headfirst.
While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole, and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up.
"Say there," says the farmer, "You fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"
The first hunter says "Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a hunert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this mineshaft here!"
And the old farmer said... "Why, that's impossible, I had him chained to a transmission!"

If only they could......


What a striking resemblance

Warning about homemade bombs

Pass this on to everybody you know. Anybody that sees a plastic bottle in their yard would think nothing of picking it up to throw it away. Looks like these things are starting to pop up around the U.S.
Check the Snopes web site below, it's pretty scary.
All it takes is:

1. A plastic bottle with a cap (Like a normal water bottle).
2. A little Drano.
3. A little water.
4. A small piece of foil.
5. Disturb it by moving it; and BOOM (Less than 30 seconds)!!
6. No fingers left and other serious effects to your face, eyes, etc.

People are finding these bombs in mailboxes and in their yards, just waiting for someone to pick it up intending to put it in the trash. It takes about 30 seconds to blow after you move the thing.

See "SNOPES"'s true.

Thanks, Tom. I had heard of this before (although I haven't heard of it actually happening to anybody) and this one Okie boy I know as well as I know myself (hint, hint) put it to the test in a controlled manner a couple of weeks ago.
It ain't no shit. It works. Take my word for it. Don't try it yourself. I didn't publish the ratios for a reason.
Be careful when you pick shit up.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

You could have heard a pin drop

An oldie but one well worth the reprint.
JFK'S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60's when DeGaulle decided to pull out of NATO. DeGaulle said he wanted all US military out of France as soon as possible. Rusk responded:
"Does that include those who are buried here?"
DeGaulle did not respond.
You could have heard a pin drop.


A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'
Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied,
'Maybe it's because the Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'
You could have heard a pin drop.


Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.
"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.
Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."
The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France!"
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained,
''Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to."
You could have heard a pin drop.


There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intended to do, bomb them?'
A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly:
'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?'
You could have heard a pin drop.

My kinda guy

Click to enlarge.
-Thanks, Scott.

Fucked myself again

I've been off work for the past 2 weeks due to my Grandpa Bud finally up and dying on us and a scheduled vacation and one of the things that I promised myself was that I wouldn't turn it into a 2 week drunk. I compromised - I only drank every other day and only a couple of times to excess.
Today was my first day back to work.......
So I get off work tonight and I'm thinking "Okay, you had a pretty good day today. Shit got out of hand for a minute but you handled it, didn't have to go crying to nobody for help. It was a good day. You do NOT need to drink tonight.  You woke up clear-headed this morning and enjoyed it. Think of the money you'll save. You can do this. One day at a time, fucker."
Then I popped in that Merle Haggard cd. That was a fucking mistake.
Been home an hour and I'm on my 4th beer.

Wired AND pissed as hell


Monday, October 11, 2010

Talk about desperation

COLUMBUS, Ohio – A Republican congressional candidate from Ohio, countering criticism from a House GOP leader, said Monday that he did nothing wrong by wearing a Nazi uniform while participating in World War II re-enactments.
Rich Iott told The Associated Press in an interview that he took part in the historical re-enactments to educate the public, and does not agree with the Nazis' views or their actions against Jews.
Asked whether it was wrong to wear a Nazi uniform, Iott said: "I don't see anything wrong about educating the public about events that happened. And that's the whole purpose of historical re-enacting."

Give me a fucking break.
Is this the best they can do in trying to discredit the guy? That he pretended to be an enemy soldier in a historical re-enactment?
And I don't care if it is a GOP leader doing the whining.
Good God......

Yeah. What he said.


Do a good deed today

Saw this article over at Cranky Chicks With Guns and asked if I could reprint it so the word would get around.
Please, if you could spare a couple of bucks to help these kind folks out......
Or maybe copy-n-paste this to an email or your own blog if you run one?
You can see what these people do at:
Give 'em a hand - send them a couple of bucks, spread the word, shoot a burglar.

Soldiers’ Angels Break-in, Vandalism: Time to Dig Deep

Posted October 11, 2010 by Sarah
TXGunGeek over at Gun Geek Rants published a call for donations; some piece of crap broke into Soldiers’ Angels down in San Antonio a couple of weeks ago, stealing electronics and vandalizing the building. Until I read that blog entry, I didn’t know anything about this at all.

The good news is that the human garbage was caught; the bad news is that he didn’t exactly have the stolen merchandise on him (and, of course, didn’t volunteer to repair the damage that he caused). Folks at SA are looking at having to eat costs associated with replacements and repairs, which is horrible because they weren’t the ones doing the wrong thing.
I don’t often ask y’all to do anything, especially when it involves money (because I don’t have much and feel like a turd for telling y’all that you should do something that I can’t/won’t do), but this time’s different. I was blessed this month with some freelance-writing income, so I’m nicely, respectfully asking y’all to consider doing the same thing that I just finished doing. This isn’t some sort of request for y’all to tell me what a wonderful person I am, either – I’m only letting you all know that I’m leading by example, which is the only proper way to go about doing most things in my opinion.
Should you want something nifty in exchange for your money, the Soldiers’ Angels store has a variety of merchandise. You can get something for yourself; have it sent to a specific service member if you have the mailing address; or let Soldiers’ Angels ship your purchase to a person of their choosing. You can send somebody in the service all sorts of cool stuff, including coffee. You can also order a Vet Pack, full of useful items for veterans in a VA hospital.
And to Charles Edward White, 42 years old and a career criminal: you’re a festering pile of suck and fail, not to mention a detriment to society. I hope that, the next time you attempt to commit a crime, somebody stops you – permanently. Either get with the program and straighten your life out or stop stealing decent folks’ air. Asshole.

I met the Good Fairy today

I met a fairy today that would grant me one wish.
"I want to live forever," I said.
"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant that wish!"
"O.K. then," I said; "I just want to die after the Democrats get their heads out of their asses!"
"You crafty bastard" said the fairy.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

My sentiments exactly

Election Day will come soon enough.

Another one of Curtis Lowes' pigs


Okay, I've been having some problems accessing my blogrolls to keep them up to date. Mark sent me some tips, Jamie sent me some tips even though she officially hates me again, and I had some spare time and a 12 pack of Busch.
I don't know if I got lucky or did something right but suddenly I could edit them. I don't know if this was a permanent fix but while I could access them I took advantage of it and deleted a dozen blogs that were no longer valid but more importantly, I added 3 that I really like. They are:

Aardvarks and Asshats, Big Fat Nerve, and Hookers and Booze.

You can find the links in the "Politically Incorrect" blogroll.
Check 'em out, have fun and tell 'em I said hey!

***Also added Patriots' Corner on Monday***

Yeah. That'll work. You bet.

My future Headquarters

You bet

They're my genitals and I can wash them as often and as fast as I want.

I wonder if that dog's for sale?

Oh yeah. She's hot.

I bet her earlobes hang lower than her tits do.

Maybe they're hoping for a slow night

Gotta be California (again)

Is he looking at you or me?

In spite of his less than impressive IQ score, Mohammed's ability to shoot at two different targets simultaneously kept him on the squad.