Saturday, December 25, 2010

Put me in charge

This was in the Waco Tribune Herald, Waco , TX 18 Nov 2010

Put me in charge ...
Put me in charge of food stamps. I’d get rid of Lone Star cards; no cash for Ding Dongs or Ho Ho’s, just money for 50-pound bags of rice and beans, blocks of cheese and all the powdered milk you can haul away. If you want steak and frozen pizza, then get a job.

Put me in charge of Medicaid. The first thing I’d do is to get women Norplant birth control implants or tubal ligations. Then, we’ll test recipients for drugs, alcohol, and nicotine and document all tattoos and piercings. If you want to reproduce or use drugs, alcohol, smoke or get tats and piercings, then get a job.

Put me in charge of government housing. Ever live in a military barracks? You will maintain our property in a clean and good state of repair. Your “home” will be subject to inspections anytime and possessions will be inventoried. If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360, then get a job and your own place.

In addition, you will either present a check stub from a job each week or you will report to a “government” job. It may be cleaning the roadways of trash, painting and repairing public housing, whatever we find for you. We will sell your 22 inch rims and low profile tires and your blasting stereo and speakers and put that money toward the “common good.”

Before you write that I’ve violated someone’s rights, realize that all of the above is voluntary. If you want our money, accept our rules.. Before you say that this would be “demeaning” and ruin their “self esteem,” consider that it wasn’t that long ago that taking someone else’s money for doing absolutely nothing was demeaning and lowered self esteem.

If we are expected to pay for other people’s mistakes we should at least attempt to make them learn from their bad choices. The current system rewards them for continuing to make bad choices.

Alfred W. Evans, Gatesville

Thanks to Orbitup for passing that on.

Adams' dog Billie

This is Billie. She is a four year old schnoodle that loves to play fetch, drink beer, and bark at our neighbors. She's a damn good dog.

Don't fuck with South African cops!

Friday, December 24, 2010

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Why you don't juggle bowling balls

All I got to say is Holy Shit.

Again. Don't ask if you don't want to know.

Janet the Traffic clerk at work asked me today what I had planned  for Christmas.
"I was thinking about coyote hunting in the morning and then over to the folks' house that evening" I said.
She acted all shocked. "Oh no, you can't kill on Christmas Day!"
I thought about it for a second. "Yeah, you're right. Maybe I'll just wound a few."
Fucking woman has no sense of humor at all.

Bite me, Janet

Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano, leaving the funeral of a murdered Border Patrol agent Wednesday, scolded a reporter for asking her to address the victim's family's concerns that not enough is being done to secure the southern border.
The family of agent Brian Terry had complained that Napolitano had offered them "empty words" when she called to express her condolences. Terry's father, Kent Terry, in an interview with ABC affiliate KGUN, said he told Napolitano to "wake your man up in the White House," to which she replied that he's done more in two years than any president.
Read the rest:

The press is NOT your friend

Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough old U.S. Marine Sergeant were captured by terrorists in Iraq . The leader of the terrorists told them he'd grant each of them one last request before they were beheaded and dragged naked through the streets.

Katie Couric said, 'Well, I'm a Southerner, so I'd like one last plate of fried chicken.'
The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chicken. Couric ate it all and said, 'Now I can die content.'

Charlie Gibson said, 'I'm living in' New York , so I'd like to hear the song, The Moon and Me, one last time.'
The terrorist leader nodded to another terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag musicians and played the song. Gibson was satisfied.

Brian Williams said, 'I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe, someday, someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end.'
The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Williams dictated his comments. He then said, 'Now I can die happy.'

The leader turned and asked, 'And now, Mr.. U..S. Marine, what is your final wish?'
'Kick me in the ass,' said the Marine...
'What?' asked the leader, 'Will you mock us in your last hour?'
'No, I'm NOT kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass' insisted the Marine.

So the leader shoved him into the yard and kicked him in the ass.
The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from inside his cammies and shot the leader dead.
In the resulting confusion, he emptied his sidearm on six terrorists, then with his knife he slashed the throat of one, and with an AK-47, which he took, sprayed the rest of the terrorists killing another 11.
In a flash, all of them were either dead or fleeing for their lives.
As the Marine was untying Couric, Gibson, and Williams, they asked him, 'Why didn't you just shoot them all in the first place? Why did you ask him to kick you in the ass?'
'What?' replied the Marine, 'and have you three assholes report that I was the aggressor.....?'

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

A kiss

And a Camel Toe.
Good morning.

Bacon. Mmmmm, bacon.....

Woody met me in the locker room where I take my breaks and handed me a package in Christmas wrapping. Now, I'm not a present kind of person - it embarrasses the fuck out of me to both give and recieve gifts, so I just don't do either. But I could tell by the look on his face that I was gonna enjoy this so I rolled with it.
"Holy shit, what the hell is this?" asked me.
"Bacon. Praline bacon. My wife saw the recipe, knew you liked bacon so she made you a batch!" Woody says. "It looks kinda funny but hey! it ain't bad."
"I love your wife, Bro. I truly do."
We carried on about it for a few more minutes then Woody split. I looked up from my book, said fuck it, opened the package and snatched a piece.
Not bad don't describe it. It fucking rocked. You get the sugary caramel praline taste and right at the end, you hit that smoky bacon flavor.
I ate four pieces in a row.
Let me put it this way: That shit was so good I shared it with the traffic clerks in the office. That's right, I shared some bacon.
Fuck, just talking about it has me wanting more. Good thing Daryn made me a bunch......

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Merry Christmas, Mohammed!

Thanks, Bella! This fucking rocked!

Don't ask if you don't want to know

5,000 men surveyed were asked Why they like blowjobs?

1 % liked the warmth
2 % liked the sensation.
3 % liked the eroticism.
94 % just liked the peace and quiet


Defiant looking little shit, ain't he?


Oh, that is fucked up.

An Okie went to the hospital as his wife was having a baby.
Upon arriving the Nurse says "Congratulations, your wife has had quints, 5 big baby boys."
The Redneck says "I'm not surprised, I have a penis on me like a chimney."
The nurse replies "You might want to consider getting it cleaned, the babies are all black."


How many Senators and Congresscritters can pass?

MIAMI – Nearly one-fourth of the students who try to join the U.S. Army fail its entrance exam, painting a grim picture of an education system that produces graduates who can't answer basic math, science and reading questions, according to a new study released Tuesday.

The report by The Education Trust bolsters a growing worry among military and education leaders that the pool of young people qualified for military service will grow too small.

"Too many of our high school students are not graduating ready to begin college or a career — and many are not eligible to serve in our armed forces," U.S. Education Secretary Arne Duncan told the AP. "I am deeply troubled by the national security burden created by America's underperforming education system."

The effect of the low eligibility rate might not be noticeable now — the Department of Defense says it is meeting its recruitment goals — but that could change as the economy improves, said retired Navy Rear Admiral Jamie Barnett.

Party til ya puke (on the guy below you)

Monday, December 20, 2010


Thanks to Skeeter - Straight up White Trash.

.....down deep. Real deep.....

-Thanks, Skidmark.

Motherfuckers are everywhere

This is big. Real Big.

Saudi King Eyes Moving "Ground Zero" Mosque to Another Manhattan Neighborhood

A Manhattan lawyer with ties to the Saudi royal family is floating to officials and community leaders a potential plan to move the controversial Ground Zero mosque away from its proposed site near the World Trade Center to another Manhattan neighborhood.
Attorney Dudley Gaffin is claiming King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia might want to buy shuttered St. Vincent's Medical Center in the West Village and transfer the mosque to a new Islamic cultural center he would build on a plot at the site, say sources who have heard Gaffin's pitch.
The king, worth more than $20 billion, would also save the hospital, reopening most of the units that closed when St. Vincent's filed for bankruptcy on April 14, the sources said.
They say that Gaffin, who heads his own firm in lower Manhattan, is floating the idea to gauge what the reaction might be -- and to ready a bid to rival the Rudin Organization, which is trying to snap up St. Vincent's in bankruptcy court with an eye on tearing down six hospital buildings for luxury housing.
"He's asking what it would take to put in a bid," said one community leader who did not want to be identified.
"He says the king wants to do this as a PR move -- to save the hospital and move the mosque away from the World Trade Center site," the source added. "He wants to show that Muslims can do good works."

Not being a big fan of mosques and them that worship there - call me what you will, I do not give a fuck - I'd rather not see any mosques going up but especially not the Ground Zero Mosque.
That shit shouldn't have even been proposed. If the muslims decide to move their "cultural center" to the new neighborhood, then let them.
But fuck them and their "good works". Their barbaric and murderous ways far outweigh any good work that they might be attempting to achieve by moving their center. They showed their true colors, the sorry ass bitches.
Allow me to put it in the simplest terms I can:
You shouldn't have even considered it in the first place, you stupid motherfuckers. That shit was rude.

So there it is. We don't owe the muslims shit and we damned sure don't need to act grateful to them if they decide to move their cultural center.
And Mohammed fucked a 9 year old girl and ate bacon. Amen.

Sunday, December 19, 2010


Typical liberal attitude - we're gonna do this and that, we don't know where the money's coming from, we'll worry about that later."

Thanks, Angry White Dude

Never trust a sailor

A beautiful young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean.
But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her "You have so much to live for," said the man. "Look, I'm a sailor, and we're off to Europe tomorrow, and I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe, the woman accepted.
That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.
Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings food and I get a free trip to Europe."
"I see," the captain says.
"Plus," she adds, "He's screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry!"