Saturday, November 22, 2008

Deb, you think you have problems with prices?

I paid 6 bucks (!!!) for a six pack of ultra-plush (I do have a delicate heinie, ya know) Charmin toilet paper today.
I'm thinking I need to either quit eating or using my toilet. Or maybe foregoing my morning cup of asskicking eye-opening wonderful coffee until I get on the road so I can use the Company's TP.
Six bucks for a six pack of toilet paper? Give me a break......

http://debbiedoesdrivel.blogspot.com/2008/11/armageddon-is-tonight-or-tomorrow.html

Awwwww......


Straight up White Trash, God bless her


Straight up White Trash:
Facial hair, tobacco products, dirty dishes on the counter behind her, and sitting in a trailer. Plus it looks like she may be scratching herself.
You go, Girl!

Fucking Okies...... :-)

Bubba and Billy Joe are walking down the street in Dallas, and they see a sign on a store which reads, "Suits $5.00 each! Shirts $2.00 each! Trousers $2.50 each!"
Bubba says to his pal, "Billy Joe, Look here! We could buy a whole gob of these, take 'em back to Tulsa, sell 'em to our friends, and make a fortune. Just let me do the talkin' 'cause if they hear your accent, they might think we're ignorant, and not wanna sell that stuff to us. Now, I'll talk in a slow Texas drawl so's they don't know we is from Oklahoma."
They go in and Bubba says with his best fake Texas drawl, "I'll take 50 of them suits at $5.00 each, 100 of them there shirts at $2.00 each, 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my pickup and..."
The owner of the shop interrupts, "Ya'll from Oklahoma, ain't ya?"
"Well... yeah," says a surprised Bubba... "How come you knowed that?"
"Because this is a dry-cleaners..."

Road hog


Hot car


You're scheduled for um, let's see, 10/29/09

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place.
The farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship. All to no avail though, as she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice and generally making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride.
While they were walking through the barn, during the forced inspection, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. It was a shock to all no matter their feelings toward her demanding ways.
At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would shake his head no and mumble a reply.
Very curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about. The farmer replied, "The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say 'Yes, it was.' The men would then ask, 'Can I borrow that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't, it's all booked up for a year.'"

Gotta be California (again)


She must not be a natural blonde...

A blonde walks into a bank in San Francisco and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Hong Kong on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Mercedes as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Mercedes into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan office says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blonde replies "Where else in San Francisco can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

And I thought it got foggy in Modesto


Finest toilet in the trailer park


They're STILL pissed about that?

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training.
One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew walking among the rocks. The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question. His son translated for the NASA people: "What are these guys in the big suits doing?" One of the astronauts said that they were practicing for a trip to the moon. When his son relayed this comment the Navajo elder got all excited and asked if it would be possible to give to the astronauts a message to deliver to the moon.
Recognizing a promotional opportunity when he saw one, a NASA official accompanying the astronauts said, "Why certainly!" and told an underling to get a tape recorder.
The Navajo elder's comments into the microphone were brief. The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his father had said. The son listened to the recording and laughed uproariously. But he refused to translate.
So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo village and played it for other members of the tribe. They too laughed long and loudly, but also refused to translate the elder's message to the moon.
An official government translator was summoned. After he finally stopped laughing, the translator relayed the message: "WATCH OUT FOR THESE ASSHOLES. THEY HAVE COME TO STEAL YOUR LAND."

Dammit, not again!!!!


A dream come true? Or a nightmare?

A redneck was in a bad car accident and after months of recovery he still had a problem and had to have his penis amputated. He went to see the doctor and was reassured that he could help.
"First of all you have to pick a new penis," said the doctor. The physician picked up a box from his table and said, "This is our 6 inch standard model. It is dependable and will cost you only $6000. It comes with a lifetime guarantee."
Bubba said, "Okay, that's about right, but what's in the other box?"
"This is our 9 inch super model. 9 inches of muscle to please any women. But this will cost you $9,000!"
Bubba said, "Oh yeah, that's the one I want. My wife will love me forever. But does it also come with a lifetime guarantee?"
"Yes" says the Doc.
"What's in the third box?"
The doctor picked up yet another box from his desk. "This is our super deluxe model. Its 12 inches of all beef and will drive all the ladies wild. But if you want this much power you'll have to pay $12,000!"
Bubba is really on a roll and is tickled pink. "Doc, that's it, that's the one for me. I'll be the envy of everyone I know. But does it have a lifetime guarantee?"
"YES SIR!" replies the Doc.
Bubba had just one more question: "Does it come in White?"

Thursday, November 20, 2008

My apologies

Folks, I'm sorry that most of my posts during the week are mainly pictures and no text, funny stories or jokes but the fact of the matter is after loading trucks or working on the dock for 10 hours and driving an hour each way to and from Tracy, I'm just flat fucking wore out. It's all I can do to drag my ass into the shower and fix a hot meal.
I'll try to add a little variety during the weekends.
Thanks for bearing with me.
-Wirecutter

Damn, only one letter off


Bilingual sign


Thanks Mom


She's pissed


Well, if you're gonna be that way....


How to tell if you're in a gay bar


Thanks Ibeam!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

BOO!!!!!

My Punkindog is about 16 years old and deaf as a doorpost which is really cool because I can scare the shit out of him at least a half a dozen times a night just by reaching out and touching him.
It doesn't take much to keep me amused.

Wouldn't want to play twister with her


Straight up White Trash, God bless him


Just wait a damned minute!!!!!


This is one bad-ass spider


Gotta be California (again)


I'm voting for both


We're having a general election for Union officials in my Teamsters Local. The way the thing is set up, you can vote for all 4 officers as one (called a "Slate") or you can vote for them individually. Most of us Old School Teamsters support the existing slate known as The Stronger Together slate while the newer, younger guys support the Members Choice slate. Anyways, each slate has posters everywhere and they're selling Tshirts to support their campaigns. Every day almost everybody is wearing either a black and gold shirt or a red and white shirt, depending on who you support. And believe me, the supporters are very adamant on their candidates, almost to the point of violence at times.
I ran across one of my fellow loaders wearing this today. At first I thought Mr. Ochoa was just undecided but he told me no, he just didn't want to piss anybody off so he had his wife stitch 2 halves together.
Talk about straddling a fence......

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

A great gun site

Here's a great site for all you shooting enthusiasts. I personally recommend it.
http://www.theboxotruth.com

You'll find more gun tips and tests than I could ever publish here and it's written in a way that keeps your attention. The really great thing is that you can sign up for his newsletter.
Give it a whirl, I guarantee that you won't be disappointed.
-Wirecutter

Yeah, that's one way

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
80% held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question.
All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.
"Mrs. Neely? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any" She replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight" she replied.
"Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said: "I outlived the all the sonsabitches."

Question of the day

Q: What's better than winning a Gold Medal in the Special Olympics?
A: Not being retarded, man.

Straight up White Trash, God bless 'em


Who else but White Trash would get married in a parking lot?

HEY! THAT'S MY FUCKING HOUSE!!!!!


Granny Gangsta


Gotta be California (again)


Woohoo, I can see your bellybutton!


We need more moms like this wonderful Lady



Thanks Kousin Karl

Why I like my dog better than my ex-wife

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, If I died, would you get another dog?
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.and last, but not least:
14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Grilled trout

Go out to the hills and find some mesquite. If you don't have any growing around, go to the market and buy some apple wood chips and soak them down.
Stoke up the grill with a fairly hot charcoal fire.
Take some big ass trout, stick some butter and a lemon wedge inside the cavity and wrap them completely in bacon (Bacon. Mmm, bacon) using toothpicks to pin the slices to the fish.
Take a handful of the mesquite or apple wood chips and throw them on the fire, put the fish on the grill and slam the lid down quick. This keeps the smoke in and the flames down.
Cook the fish, turning it only once, for no more than 10 minutes or until the bacon is thoroughly done, you know, blackened.
Here's the tricky part: Get the fish off the grill before the flames from the bacon fat ignite the back porch.
Take the bacon off the fish, throw it to the dogs and serve the fish.
It's downright delicious when served with red potatoes, steamed vegetables and wine.

Thanks Ibeam!!

When my computer went down, I went over to Mom's house and kicked an email to all my friends and family asking them to NOT email me until I sent them a note saying I was back up and running.
That was a fucking mistake.
I think the only one that didn't send me any messages was my friend Ibeam. Here's a comment that he posted on my first entry of the day today and my reply to him in this post.

Glad to see that you are back, buddy! As you must have noticed, I was one of the few that took heed to your email and DIDN'T write to you until you said that you were back.

I think you were the ONLY one that didn't email me. But then again, I left myself wide open when I sent that email to all my friends explaining that my computer was down. All it did was give 'em a green light to flood my inbox. They forwarded me their spam, stuff I had sent them, stuff they had already sent me, memos from work, an incredible amount of porn, videos of cars driving down their street, letters from their friend Ayoob Marshall from Nigeria, and reminders for them to make their court dates. What can I say?
What really sucked was that my mother was one of the worst. I mean really Mom, I could care less that Cousin Lester is a model prisoner.......

She's bound and determined not to get laid


Money talks



Click to enlarge

Mom, Dad, and me at their 50th Anniversary party


I can't believe Grandma would ruin her body by getting pierced




Que Pasa, Amigo?

A Mississippi couple, both bonafide White Trash, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband 'fixed'.
The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision. Why after nine children would they choose to do this?
The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby seeing as neither of them could speak Spanish.

Oh, she's downright evil

Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation and whispered "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that shit?"
I still don't know to this day if she was joking, but I have stopped fishing.

A potential problem with Obama's Presidency


Ya think?

It seems like in the past month, there has been at least a couple of programs a week on TV about the Vikings. I don't know why but then again, I don't really care. I admire those old boys. Besides, it beats the hell out of watching yet another program on the Da Vinci Code.
Anyways, the other night I was doing the dishes while listening to the TV and daydreaming all at the same time (Yes, I can multi-task) when the narrator's voice came through with "......when you're about to get attacked by a man named Skullcracker, there is reason for concern."
That got my attention real quick.

The Department of Energy

Does anybody out there have any memory of the reason given for the establishment of the DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY during the Carter Administration? Anybody? Anything? No?
I didn't think so.
Bottom line. We've spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency the reason for which not one person who reads this can remember. Ready? It was very simple, and at the time everybody thought it very appropriate. The Department of Energy was instituted 8-04-1977 TO LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN OIL.
HEY, PRETTY EFFICIENT, HUH? AND NOW IT'S 2008, 31 YEARS LATER, AND THE BUDGET FOR THIS NECESSARY DEPARTMENT IS AT $24.2 BILLION A YEAR, THEY HAVE 16,000 FEDERAL EMPLOYEES, AND APPROXIMATELY 100,000 CONTRACT EMPLOYEES AND LOOK AT THE JOB THEY HAVE DONE!
Ah yes, good ol' bureaucracy.
And now we are going to turn the Banking system over to them? May Heaven help US as WE won`t get any from our government.
Yep, haven't learned a damn thing.

Thanks, Polly

As long as your dog doesn't piss on my tires


Straight up White Trash, God bless her


Gay Halloween? Gotta be California


A laundry tip from Wirecutter

For those automotive or household oil and grease stains on clothing, rub in some handcleaner (available at any auto parts store) and let it sit for about a one beer wait, then wash in hot water. It'll even work on stains that have set in.

Raised up right!

video

I'm back!!!!!

Wow, you wanna talk about service!
My computer went down a couple of weeks ago (wouldn't go online) and I called my internet provider to find out what was going on. They kept me on hold for about 30 minutes, but spent over an hour on the phone with me trying to figure out the problem. After troubleshooting the modem first and then the computer they determined that it was in fact the computer so they gave me the number to HP.
I called HP and was immediately connected to tech support and spent 2 1/2 HOURS with the guy trying to figure it out. By the time all was said and done he had talked me through removing several boards and my machine was laying all over my reloading table in about a million pieces. But there was nothing more he could do for me, so I had to send it in and should have it back within 10 days. Yeah, you bet.
Here's where it gets good:
They mailed me a box to send it back in. I got that 2 days after I talked to HP. It was the following Monday before I could get it sent off, and HP had arranged to have it picked up at my house by FedEx. I sent it off Monday. I got home from work Friday and there was a tag on my door from FedEx saying they had tried to make the delivery but nobody was home and the next attempt would be Monday. No shit, I got it back this morning. It was gone a total of 5 days!!!!
HP installed a new system board, heatsink fan, and provided me with a new power cord. The best part of the deal? My total cost was $0.00! They even paid shipping.....

Thanks for checking back. I'll post some stuff a little later but right now I have bills to pay and 257 emails to wade through.