Friday, October 22, 2010

Women, I swear......

I spent $5000 on a boob job for the girlfriend. She was delighted.
I spent another $2000 on a nose job for her. She was ecstatic.
I spent $2000 on liposuction for her and she was over the moon.
I spent $30 on a blow job for myself and she goes fucking mental…….

Thanks to Bella for that laugh!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Thoughts about spam

Have you noticed that when you answer your spam (yeah, I get bored) with "Fuck Allah and his bitch Mohammed too" that you never get a reply?
And why is it you get spam starting with the greeting "My beloved"? Fuck, I didn't even call whatshername that was here last weekend that, and I was trying to fuck her. Matter of fact, I was seriously avoiding the word "love" on that occasion.
Why do I get spam about trannygirls? Is it a contest I entered accidentally?
And how come it is that spam is only 4 kb long?
All this money I got coming? Motherfucker, you know my email even though I didn't send it to you. Send the bucks to my bank account that I also didn't send to you.
Seriously. Trannygirls? I don't even want to see a trannyboy.
And finally. If you can't string together 3 coherent words in a row, let it go. I'm only reading your shit for entertainment value. That and submitting my best friends' email and personal information. What are friends for?

No shit

"If you make enough laws, we'll all be criminals."

Fuck Obama.
Remember - A vote for a conservative is a vote against Obama.

Coyote Facts

Okay, here's some random ramblin's about calling in coyotes - some of it book-learned, some of it from personal observations and some of it learned when I asked them that knew.
As far as calling in coyotes, there are about a million calls on the market - I know because I own about half of them - and while some of them are really good, some of them are pure fucking garbage. But I can guarantee you that even the worst ones have either called in at least one coyote or are capable of doing so.
Why? Because coyotes are some curious motherfuckers. They will come in to a call just to see what in the fuck that noise is. Let me tell you about the very first time I called one in.....
I had practiced for weeks on Les Johnsons' Ruffidog series of calls and thought I was pretty good at it. So I'm up in the hills, get into position, check my wind direction and......... wait. I wanted to make sure everything was right and ready. Finally I bring the call up to my mouth and blow the gawdawfullist noise I have ever heard. It sounded like a cross between a really loud wet fart and a kindergartner trying to play a trumpet. Fuuuuuuuck.
I figured I had ruined this spot for the next 3 years so I immediately got up, picked up my rifle and started to leave only to see the worlds' stupidest coyote coming in at a dead run.
I was so shocked I forgot to shoot. Buck fever on a coyote.
And I'll tell you right now that every time I call in a coyote, I am amazed. Seriously. And the thing is, I ain't bad at it.
Okay. I own a couple of dozen calls ranging from wounded rabbits to howlers to I ain't sure what the fuck that noise is. I own exactly 1 electronic caller which I use more to confuse them than to call.
I have 3 that go with me every fucking time I go out - Les Johnsons' Ruffidog, Todd Sullivans' Rippin' Rabbit and Primos' Female Whimperer. Yeah, I take others with me depending on the hunt, but those 3 go with me every fucking time. As a matter of fact, they never come out of my call pak.
This fucking post turned out to be a helluva lot longer than I figured.
Okay, let's get back to curiosity trip.
I have heard of coyotes coming in to a Big Ben alarm clock (Remember how loud they tick?) suspended from a tree at a crossroads. Don't forget to paint them and turn off the alarm.
I have heard of them coming in to a doggy squeak toy. This doesn't seem to far fetched seeing as it does sound like a rodent.
Shoot a deer, field dress it and then come back and watch the gut pile. Is it the gunshot or the smell that brings them in? I've fired at deer and missed only to have a coyote show up a couple of minutes later.
I've heard of them coming into bird calls. Why not, they eat birds.
I know for a fact they'll come into diesel tractor engines. Tractors turn up ground that turns up mice and worms.
And I swear to God, I've heard of them coming into air horns near logging sites. Air horns mean quitting time and that means lots of disturbed earth.

Getting back to the curiosity thing - I called in a coyote once - using a wounded rabbit call - that had a dead rabbit in his mouth.
Basically what I'm saying is that they'll come in to damned near anything. I truly think that the wind direction has more to do with you seeing a coyote than the quality of your calling.

Okay. I know that a lot of you would like to hunt coyotes and probably more would like to just see or photograph them. I don't consider myself to be an expert on them by any means but if you'd like some help, hit me up. I'll tell you where you can buy some great calls (all for under $15 including shipping) that include instructions and/or DVDs , I'll pass along some hard-learned lessons (no sense in both of us fucking up, right?), and give you some really great links from folks that have been at this a lot longer than I have.
My email is  Put coyote in the subject line.

ME TOO!!!!!!!!

But I do know breasts

Oooh. This is gonna smart.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Am I gonna live, Doc?

Okay, this is some weird shit.
A 12 pack of Busch (God Bless Augie Busch) has lasted me 2 days and maybe a third.
Seriously. I drank 4 beers last night, 4 tonight and have 4 leftover. This is down from a 10-12 beer a night (every night) habit.
I hope I recover in time for the weekend......

Quote of the Year

"One thing that sets aside just about every self described Tea Party voter from every other group; They are all, each and every one, people who pay taxes and support society.... rather than folks who take from, use, depend on, and abuse society."

-Shamelessly stolen from MacBournes' Musings. He had it posted as the Quote of the Day, I upgraded it.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Yeah. What he said.


Another Aw Fuck moment in time

I have a friend of a friend of a friend who hunts big game and the picture below tells the whole story. BTW….I’m **********, you may not remember me, (Hell, I even sent you a picture of Bella the Pit Mix) this is my work email and that’s usually when I read your blog! I like your style. My dad was a crusty old biker (Not a Goose!!!) from the Irish channel of New Orleans and your writing style reminds me of him.

This is freaking scary. As you know I was alone when I downed this elk in ND. I was using my cameras timer attached to my shooting stick to give me enough time to get into the picture. I knew there were a lot of cats in the area but had no idea they would come in this close to people. He had to be within 10 feet of me and I didnt even know it. I about crapped my pants when I looked at the pictures the next morning and saw he was there.

For Lula

Monday, October 18, 2010


Let's go back about 10-12 years.
I was unhappily married, had 2 dogs - Punkindog, Hillary Clinton (what else are you gonna name a fat li'l yella haired bitch?) a pair of Evil Cats and a cockatiel whose entire vocabulary consisted of "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!"
Yeah. Life was real good.
So I'm sitting in my chair rolling up a fattie when Hillary goes trotting past looking real guilty.
"Godammit, Hill! How many times have I told you about that?" I holler as I bounce a 41 magnum round off her side.
She rolls over looking sufficiently guilty until my old lady comes in, then she runs over to her hoping for some loving, which N gives her.
"Don't let her kiss you, you know she's a CSED" I warned.
N is holding the Hill, letting her lick her face all over. "Oh, yes she is! She's a CSED, huh? And what a cute little CSED she is! I loves my little CSED! Yes I do!!!"
Fuck it. I warned her.
"Was Kenny mean to the CSED? Huh?" Hillary was loving all the attention, licking N on the lips, ears, and doing the most irritating thing in the world, sticking that fucking terrier tongue up her nose. I hated it when she did that to me.
Then she asks (finally) "What's a CSED?"
I licked the glue on the rolling paper and sealed the joint, popped in my my mouth and lit it, took a real deep toke and replied:
"A Cat Shit Eatin' Dog."

Coyote Facts

Today we're gonna talk about what coyotes eat.
Everything. The motherfuckers eat everything. Not only that but they eat as much of it as they can. They eat meat, grasses, fruits, nuts, insects and reptiles. They also indulge in the occasional cat or small dog, especially urban and suburban coyotes. I'm covering town coyotes in a later post.
The main source of meat (at least out west) is ground squirrels, sage grouse, cottontail rabbits and jackrabbits. Carrion account for less than 10% of the stomach contents that were checked. Livestock, contrary to ranchers' claims, was almost undetectable. But then again, I don't know when the study took place. If it was any other season besides lambing, kid and calving season, I could believe that. However, there is a large amount of newborn and young stock lost due to coyote (and probably feral dog) predation during the spring. Ask any sheepman. Tracks don't lie, although it can be hard to tell a dog track from a coyote track at times, especially during a dry or very wet season.
Deer fawns are also in danger of becoming coyote kibble during the spring. A California DFG Ranger that I talked with a month or so ago said that he figures that 1 in 10 fawns are killed by coyotes and approximately 40% are killed by mountain lions - keep that last one in mind when you're using a fawn bleat to call in coyotes up in the mountains this spring. Watch your fucking back.
Examinations of coyote shit by me turn up feces composed of thickly wadded hair and what I originally thought were undigested reddish berries but now think are pine nuts which means they also eat small pine cones. Like I said, they eat anything.
And as a side note, most of the coyote crap I've found have been at a crossing of game trails or roads that they've traveled on. Maybe it's coyote grafitti? A territory marker? Letting his bros know he was passing through?

Okay. My sources are "The World of the Coyote" by Wayne Grady,
"God's Dog" by Hope Ryden,
California Department of Fish and Game,
And observations by myself.


Gotta be California (again)

Thanks to Steve for this picture of the bearded couple.

No shit?

Osama bin Laden is living comfortably in northwest Pakistan, protected by local tribespeople and some members of the country's intelligence service, a NATO official has told CNN. The news undercuts the U.S. government's depiction of the al-Qaida leader as on the run, one terror expert tells The Upshot.
U.S. intelligence officials have long believed that bin Laden is living in the remote tribal region of northwest Pakistan. But at times, the government has also claimed that the al-Qaida leader has had to move frequently from one safehouse to another, impairing his ability to plot attacks.
The NATO official's comments undermine that claim, Michael Scheuer, a former special adviser to the chief of the CIA's bin Laden unit, told The Upshot. "It exposes the lie that Bush and Obama have been telling us since 9/11, that he was running from rock to rock and cave to cave," Scheuer said.

Did anybody believe that he was actually hiding? He's a muslim. They're muslims. What's their famous saying?
"The enemy of my enemy is my friend."
Yeah, that one.
Keep overflying Pakistan with drones, keep dropping missiles in there and making life unpredictable for them. Even if the Pakistanis don't get serious about giving him up, it'll damn sure let them know we haven't forgotten nor have we forgave.

Looks like rain, ma

Fuck you, you arrogant piece of shit.

WEST NEWTON, Mass. – President Barack Obama said Americans’ “fear and frustration” is to blame for an intense midterm election cycle that threatens to derail the Democratic agenda.
“Part of the reason that our politics seems so tough right now and facts and science and argument does not seem to be winning the day all the time is because we’re hardwired not to always think clearly when we’re scared,” Obama said Saturday evening in remarks at a small Democratic fundraiser Saturday evening. “And the country’s scared.”
Obama told the several dozen donors that he was offering them his “view from the Oval Office.” He faulted the economic downturn for Americans’ inability to “think clearly” and said the burden is on Democrats “to break through the fear and the frustration people are feeling.”

I have voted

Now it's your turn.
Study (or at least read) the fucking issues, make an informed decision, and mail in your ballot.
If voting in person, use the sample ballot they send you or make notes and take them to the polling place with you to jog your memory once you finally get into a booth.
Vote. It's not only your right but it's also your obligation.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

First Butts

Left to right - Princess Letizia of Spain, French first lady Carla Bruni and, yep, you guessed it.

Bacon. Mmmmm, bacon.....

Click photo to enlarge.

We can thank LC Aggie Sith for this one.

Here's the comment left at my bacon mug post:

Oh yeah? I'll see your mug, and raise you a roll:
Swooning yet?? ;)

I now see where he gets his arrogance

Porcelain pigs offend Muslims

LEICESTER -- Police here in central England seized a collection of porcelain pigs from a house's window sill after Muslims complained that they were offensive.
"I just couldn't believe it, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry," Mrs Nancy Bennett, the owner of the 17 miniature pigs, told the Sun tabloid newspaper.
The porcelain figures were held at the local police station, while Mrs Bennett was threatened with prosecution if she replaces the collection. Her house is located in the same street as the city's main mosque, meaning that Muslim worshippers often passed by her front window where the pig figurines were on display. "Muslims find pigs highly offensive," explained police officer David Griffiths. "That is why the complaints were made".

Top 10 low pass flybys

Thanks, Gil.